Playing Addiction Hide and Seek

Get in a room with a bunch of addicts and mention the fact you used to hide a bottle of plonk behind the Drano in the utility cupboard, and everyone starts nodding like bobble-head dolls on a dashboard. It’s universal I think – this concept of hoarding your poison of choice in a “secure place”. With me there was always the feeling that I wasn’t going to get enough. And during the times when I made a big, loud deal about “cutting back on drinking” it was my way of safeguarding my addiction.

Let me count the ways I hid the booze:

  1. Laura and the kids still talk about how they used to look for something under my bathroom sink (like a hairdryer or hand cream) and a half-bottle of chard would roll out with a clank, onto the tile floor.
  2. I had a cupboard in my office that housed my printer and sending a document to it was risky – there was always a bottle teetering against the paper feed.
  3. I dated a teetotaler once. A long distance romance – and I would go without drinking for the entire weekend of his visit. I kept a screw cap bottle and plastic glasses in the spare tire well so I could start drinking ASAP after I let him off at the airport. Who knows what would have happened if I’d had a flat tire – I took out the spare to make room for my makeshift bar…
  4. I kept little “shooter” roadies in the glove box.
  5. I’d leave glasses of wine on the pantry shelf, behind coats in my closet, under bed skirts and behind curtains and potted plants. Then I’d forget where I’d hid them – they were always spilling, with glass breaking at inopportune times.
  6. Interestingly, my refrigerator usually only had one bottle of wine on the shelf – I guess I really thought I was fooling everybody.

Rae Green says, “It’s the same as a caveman hiding berries and a slab of mastodon behind a rock for survival. With a substance abuse disorder (SAD) the disease causes the inappropriate need to stockpile – for the survival of the addiction.”

It goes hand in hand: hiding and lying and addiction. I’m trying to think if I have anything embarrassing hidden behind my coats anymore… I suppose I wouldn’t want strangers going through my underwear drawer, but I’m kind of an open book these days. Thank God.

Anyone have any good stories about where you hid the goods?

Today I’m not drinking because I don’t play hide and seek anymore. Nod your head “yes”

How come you’re not drinking?