What Would YOU Do if You Won the Powerball?


After my experience with the cab driver, serial killer with the poopy pants, I bought a Powerball ticket. I was at the Gate Station at 5 a.m. on Saturday buying cat food (don’t ask), and since the cab driver was actually a nice man with what I am now assuming was a melted Cadbury Bar on his trouser leg, I decided to take his advice. Even though according to him, I had a “better chance of becoming the President of the United States than winning the lottery.”

These days, things are going so well for me, I feel like anything is possible. I put the ticket in the cat food bag and when I got back to Lauren’s house, I fed the animals, cleaned the kitty litter and scoured the kitchen (I am not my daughter’s housemaid, just trying to be helpful while I “babysit”). I bagged the wet garbage and cat droppings and put it in the box outside Lauren’s door. When I got in my car to leave, I felt like I was missing something…


My sure thing was buried beneath expired Greek yogurt, leftover tuna, used dog wet wipes and kitty litter… I went back to her apartment and as I dug through the mess I thought about the driver’s question. What would I do if I won the Powerball?

I actually have so few immediate wants, that after the obvious were satisfied (a couple of houses, a Hermes ostrich Birkin bag and Louis Vuitton steamer trunks, a driver and a plane), I would be doing exactly what I’m doing now (only more so and with better jewelry) – writing, and trying to help those who are suffering from the ill effects of addiction.

What would you do if you won the Powerball?

Today I’m not drinking because I didn’t win the Powerball lottery and I don’t drown my sorrows anymore…

How come you’re not drinking?