Yes I am writing this on the 12th of January.
I had two resolutions for the year 2016: organize my storage spaces and exercise every day. How hard is that? I have not exercised for four days now, and I lost my storage room keys during the holidays and had to have the locksmith break in, so I have already messed up. And when I did open the door to A1A Storage n’ Key, I was met with an impenetrable wall of detritus. Everything from my children’s first hobby horse, to garbage bags filled with padded hangars and sea glass. I closed the door and left – defeated.
That is the worst part about New Year’s resolutions, isn’t it? The fact you put additional, unnecessary pressure on yourself at the start of a brand new year.
Here’s why I hate New Year’s Resolutions:
- The ideas a person has when the clock strikes midnight on the 1st, are always half-baked. “I’m going to lose belly fat” is open-ended and vague. How much weight? When? What’s the plan?
- Resolutions are usually based in the negative (or envy) – the hidden ending to the sentence “I’m going to save money this year” is not, “even though I am happy with my financial situation…” The end of that sentence is, “because I am a loser who doesn’t even have a new [fill in the blank] like Bill does…”
- I have never accomplished a single New Year’s promise. Does anyone? In her new commercial for Weight Watchers, Oprah says the year 2016 is going to be the year of “my best body ever.” Are you buying that?
- Plans for the future often involve unsuspecting and unwilling partners – “I’m going to marry Nancy in 2016!” is creepy and stalker-ish, unless you are currently engaged to Nancy…
- New Year’s resolutions are too grandiose. Something like “I will get all my shoes re-heeled in 2016!” seems achievable, but everyone is too busy announcing their plans to mount Kilimanjaro…
- Self centered much? I’m all for new year promises to help others, but let’s face it – resolutions are usually personal – like, “I’m letting my hair grow out,” or “I’m organizing my storage spaces…”
- Resolutions are almost always made by drunk people.
- When you have a really great year it makes you feel like you’ve peaked. Hello? I QUIT DRINKING in 2013. How will I ever top that???
Okay Oprah, the year 2016 is the year I like myself more (and my best body ever and neat-as-pins storage would be great too…). I’m going to take care of myself and even though I probably won’t find a way to exercise every day (I get up at 4:30 as it is…), I will make exercise a big part of my life this year. And I’m going to be nice to people. Plain, old-fashioned nice. These are not resolutions. More like guidelines…
How’s that for vague and open-ended?
Today I’m not drinking because it was a resolution I made in 2013.
How come you’re not drinking?