The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde…

       My ex-husband used to say (in one of our morning-after recaps of some embarrassment I had caused him), “Marilyn, you change when you drink.  You’re like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  Everything’s copasetic, and then all of a sudden you’re a monster…”  My ex-husband is a complicated Englishman, so read that with a disdainful, Masterpiece Theater accent.  And picture me with a look of casual, bored defiance.  Kind of like Dr. Jekyll, being confronted after one of his binges…

I hate to admit this, but my ex-husband was right.  And he’s not the only person to say it, just the most articulate.  I’d have a glass of wine or two at some party, or sporting event, or dinner and all would be fine.  Then I’d have a few more.  The biggest problem for alcoholics at parties with open bars, is that no one really notices how many drinks they are consuming until things get ugly.

For me it was like an emotional FAILSAFE button.  A point of no return, where the accumulated drinks caused me to obsess about a past slight or misread a benign comment and act out.  It ruined many a Saturday night.

I was at a wedding a year ago, while I was still drinking, and I was sitting at a table with a guy who’s been a recovering alcoholic for twenty years.  I asked him if it was hard not drinking at a wedding.  And I asked how he’d behave at the wedding if he were still drinking.  He said, ”  It’s not hard.  Because, at first you’d love me.  I’d be the life of this table and the whole party.  Later, you wouldn’t like me AT ALL.”