My Goddaughter Taira and I were talking…


This is not my Goddaughter Taira. I do not know this person…but I kind of wish I did.
     …at Lauren’s 26th birthday party.

     “Sooooo, should I be concerned that Lauren noticed some glitter on my face the other day and asked me if I’d been to a strip club?” I asked.

     “Huh?” said Taira.

     “I mean, what kind of Mother am I, that my daughter would see glitter ON MY FACE, and think strip club?”

     “I don’t know,” said Taira.  Taira isn’t usually so monosyllabic.  She had just gotten off work, and I think the questions caught her off guard.

     “So my daughter sees GLITTER, and automatically thinks I had my face in some stripper’s cleavage?”  I asked.  I did that motorboat-mouth, shake the head thing one would do if they let you TOUCH the stripper, giving you the lap dance, that a stranger bought you (in that dive off Phillips Hwy).

    “Well you are the kind of mother who knows how to do THAT,” Taira said.  

     I haven’t had a drink in ten months, people.


Today I’m not drinking because: when my daughter sees stray glitter on my face, I want her to think I was doing ARTS and CRAFTS…

How come you’re not drinking?