Sober Meltdown #19


I made up that number. But I’ve had a few meltdowns over the past three years. It seems that with each new season of my sobriety, I go great guns and then (as guns are want to do) I detonate and fizzle and as Dee’s grandma used to say, “take to my bed”.

The last major meltdown I had involved bacon and sobbing in my car in a bank parking lot. This time I was exhausted and since I am so bloody controlled in my eating these days, it involved trail mix and ground turkey – not the same gastronomic Sturm und Drang at all. And I took it all rather stoically. No whimpering. No snot on my sleave.

What Happened This Time, Bunky?

I’ve been running around doing this “work thing” (which I love); and then I added a “friends thing” – in a big way; and an exercise component; and per usual (because I don’t do anything that isn’t hell for Corinthian leather) I quit eating sugar and have been existing on lightly salted hard boiled eggs, white meat and the afore mentioned nuts and berries… Oh, and I did the 5 mile walk around Reeds Lake with David at 5:30 Tuesday night and again at 5:30 Wednesday morning (after getting up at 3 and writing a blog post – I deserve this, right?). You already know about most of this stuff, because I have been bragging about how amazing and busy I am for the past few weeks.

Yesterday it started with me feeling like everything was difficult: choosing the correct black leggings, printing in color or black and white, do I dare to eat a peach? And because everything was hard, it made me feel like weeping piteously. I powered it out till one and then I went home and ate copious amounts of peanuts and raisins and microwaved a frozen package of turkey and ate that and passed out for 12 hours.

I almost wish I could tell you I have some exotic flu, or an unquenchable (yet interesting) craving for candy or white wine, but I think I was just tired.

Today I’m not drinking because I’m too tired…

How come you’re not drinking?