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Meltdown

Meltdown

Meltdown

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Something wicked this way comes…

 

So, I had a complete meltdown Saturday. I was eating an orange on the way to the bank and when I got to the drive-through ATM machine, my fingers were sticky and the machine was not recognizing my responses to the prompts and there was an impatient car behind me and I lost it.

 

I drove to the parking area without completing my transaction and fished a piece of bacon out of my purse (don’t ask) and ate it while I sobbed and shouted to the heavens, “Why me?”

 

Has that ever happened to you? I don’t mean the sticky fingers part or the bacon panacea or even the fact that every time I pull into an ATM a huge, intimidating SUV pulls in right behind me. I mean a small trigger, causing a much bigger reaction than is warranted. It’s like the body is looking for an excuse to release tension.

 

So I hunkered down this weekend and read a great book with a main character who is an alcoholic. You see how I yank myself up from the bootstraps? Actually you need to read this book. And I’ll rally.

I always do…

girlon

 

 

Today I’m not drinking because I’m rallying (I always do…)

How come you’re not drinking?

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Comments (18)

  1. Avatar
    Kim
    Mar 23, 2015

    Edgar Allen Poe wrote…
    ” Beauty of whatever kind, in its supreme development,invariably excites the sensitive soul to tears”

    We will rally……our tag line for 2015

    • Marilyn
      Marilyn
      Mar 23, 2015

      RALLY! And thanks for your undying HELP. And tears. What’s with all the tears?
      Love,
      M

  2. Avatar
    Richard
    Mar 23, 2015

    How come you're not drinking?
    I am........coffee WITHOUT B&B....
    M. Your meltdown wasn’t complete….
    You DID NOT go to the nearest 7/11 and get 3 wine shooters!!
    Progress..not Perfection !!!

    P.S. Have read the book…Good. Richard

    • Marilyn
      Marilyn
      Mar 23, 2015

      Now that’s a good point. I must be getting better, because I didn’t even think to pat myself on the back for not thinking about drinking (and I didn’t – although I could have murdered some more fried pork fat…). Thank you Richard. And doesn’t the author do a good job of getting into the head of the alcoholic?
      XXXOOO
      M

  3. Avatar
    Marcella
    Mar 23, 2015

    How come you're not drinking?
    I don't ever want to live that way again, actually I wasn't living I was dying.
    The wreckage of our past 🙁
    Heavy heart today, I heard yesterday that a women I met in the AA rooms is serving time (DUI’s).
    I cannot stop thinking about how devastated she is, really do not think she expected to go away/or the amount of time she got away.
    She leaves at home 2 high school age children, ugh.
    Now what do they do?
    Again, for me, brings me back to, I really was not here for my children when I thought was.
    You know at the end of the AA meeting when they say please pray for those who are still sick & suffering in and outside of these rooms, I add because they sure did pray for us before we got here.
    Extra prayers today for our SIS,
    Forever grateful that I got the help I needed when I did because that “not get” no doubt would have been me.
    I Thank you for being here for me & helping me stay well.

    Marcella

    • Marilyn
      Marilyn
      Mar 23, 2015

      Thank you for this. And prayers for the poor woman who is in jail. And for her children. We soldier on don’t we? And comments like this make me realize it was okay to panic and meltdown and sob and cause a scene as long as I can find a way to pick myself up again and bump along. It is all any of us can do. Look at the horizon not the wake…
      XXXOOO
      M

    • Avatar
      Tamara
      Mar 23, 2015

      Marcella,
      My heart goes out for this woman and her children. I too have lived this situation with a dear friend. This is so heartwretching. My prayers will be for the lady in jail and for her children. I think the children suffer the most. I do not know how well you know the family, but if you know her children please be there in any way you can for them. Even if it is a card or texting or just so they know that people out there love them and think of them. And write daily to the person in jail. Look up the rules for the specific jail. Sometimes when they are at the lowest point, they need to know people still value them and they have value in this life. This jail time will be respite time from alcohol too. If I can encourage you to do anything please write her. If you do not know well enough, you share your thoughts and your daily world with her. I promise it will mean a great deal to her. It may be just the hand she needs to reach out to. I want to encourage you also. My friend went through this very same ordeal and he is becoming a new person, the person I always knew and loved. Hope and prayer is powerful. I wish you luck.

  4. Avatar
    Nancy Carr
    Mar 23, 2015

    How come you're not drinking?
    I too had a meltdown!
    I heard that book was very good and I will add it to my list.
    I think meltdowns are gods way of getting us in touch with the universe and letting us know “its going to be ok”.

    • Marilyn
      Marilyn
      Mar 23, 2015

      I sure hope so. After all the great (and hilarious) response I’ve gotten today it all seems a bit silly. I really do think it’s time to move on and that it’s going to be okay… Thanks Nancy and so happy to have you as a new friend in my corner.
      XXXOOO
      M

  5. Avatar
    Jennifer
    Mar 23, 2015

    How come you're not drinking?
    sick of going over the edge and wasting time in pain
    Hello Marilyn
    I spent the better part of my Sunday going over your blog. I’m so glad I found it. In between my throbbing head I laughed at your stories because I saw myself in the them and their was relief. I’ve decided to stay away from booze because too often I start and can’t stop.
    Thank you,
    Jennifer

    • Marilyn
      Marilyn
      Mar 23, 2015

      You are very welcome Jennifer. The very premise of Waking Up the Ghost is that once we boozers start (arouse the pesky specter) we cannot stop. I tried for two years to convince myself I could do it half way (just a glass of wine with dinner). I am so glad to meet you and so glad the posts struck a cord. Take care of yourself and your head…
      XXXOOO
      M

  6. Avatar
    Tamara
    Mar 23, 2015

    I think sometime we think the small things led to this over exaggerated responses. But I find that most of the time it is the culmination of many small things or even big things that have just been sitting in my soul that are then unleashed. The world seems to identify and value strength as those who are poised, controlled and have it together. This only leads us to hide our weakness or force our issues deep into our souls. We do not want the world to see us weak or struggle. It seems like when we finally have these meltdown we reach out to God and each other. We need God every second, every min, and every hour of the day. We all need each other every second, every min, and every hour of the day. Thank you for humbling yourself and sharing your meltdown story. Truly it is a story of faith and humanity coming together. Thank you Marilyn. I read this story to each of my patients today. It was the perfect conversational opener. It feels good to know we are not alone in our daily life. Have I told you how grateful I am that you have come into our lives?

    • Marilyn
      Marilyn
      Mar 23, 2015

      You have indeed made me feel like I have a place in your life and in the lives of our “friends in need”. Thank you for that, because when I have days like my Bank of America meltdown I realize I am soldiering on not only for myself, but also for others who are struggling. I am honored that you shared my story. I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t have struck a cord with so many people if bacon weren’t involved…
      Thanks and love. Keep the faith. M

    • Marilyn
      Marilyn
      Mar 23, 2015

      Let the little children to come unto me…
      M

  7. Avatar
    Evie and Ellie
    Mar 23, 2015

    Hi Marilyn, this is Ellie. My dad read this in the recordings. We were so excited when Mrs. Waller brought them today we already listed to them. I wanted to tell you I am sorry you had a meltdown. I feel like I have them too often lately. I hope someone came to make you feel better like you did for me. I may be too late but can I tell you I think you are special. It is okay to cry. I still think you are special. Can you tell the lady above that I have been crying since I read her comments. I am the child of a parent who went to jail for drinking. I am praying for that family even if I do not know what to call them. Maybe she could share this internet site with them. Marilyn’s words were part of my sister and me learning that we were not alone. Her words helped my dad to stop drinking. They also are helping my sister and me to feel better. Love, Ellie and Evie ( Evie really wanted to type to you hello she likes your picture. I have not let her type since she told you I got in trouble)

    • Marilyn
      Marilyn
      Mar 23, 2015

      Hi. I’m so glad you got tapes again! And you are not too late – I am very happy to hear you say I am special. It helps a lot. You know Ellie, sometimes I think a person just has to allow themselves to cry. That’s what I did. It felt like I was the only person in the world with the worst problems in the world and when I was done crying I felt better. Cleansed somehow and when I wrote about it, so many people responded that I felt like I was not alone AT ALL. Which brings me to what you’ve written to the woman who’s friend went to jail and left teen aged children behind. Thank you for the things you said. Sometimes I can’t believe you are only 12 – you are very wise. Hopefully they will find a support system that makes them feel better like you have done (and the good news for me is that you make me feel better too!). Hi to Miss Evie yellow dress and thanks to you for everything Ellie. You’re a peach. Love, secrets, prayers and promises, Marilyn.
      PS Kim sent you and Evie a message on Crabs…see if you can find it.

  8. Avatar
    coe harden
    Mar 24, 2015

    How come you're not drinking?
    SSRI's and THE GIRL ON THE TRAIN
    love GIRL ON HTE TRAIN

    • Marilyn
      Marilyn
      Mar 24, 2015

      It is a great book and a really good insight into the muddled mind and cravings of the alcoholic.
      M

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