Sober House Guest/Great House Guest?

I was in Jacksonville for the weekend. I think I am kind of an annoying house guest. Although my most exasperating qualities are always coupled with a sincere desire to help or an endearing show of excitement, so you can’t get too irritated with me. Kind of like those Sour Patch Kids Commercials. For example, I  woke up on Friday at 6 and started unloading Lauren’s dishwasher. It was filled with all things that clang and bang. Lauren lives in a one bedroom apartment, and although it is spacious, the thin door to the bedroom is no barrier to the noise I can make in the morning. And we all know I love the morning now that I don’t have hangovers anymore…

I got ready for the day and took Fiona to the groomers so Lauren could sleep in. My phone rang and it was Lauren, “Mom (the way she says ‘Mom’ when she is annoyed). Did you spray sun block oil on yourself in the bathroom?”

I said, “Um – I don’t know. Why?”

She said, “Because I am bleeding from both knees and my hand – I slipped on the oil that is all over the floor and face planted.” I could picture her like one of the Three Stooges, happily entering the bathroom, thinking how quiet it was with me gone – a quick pee and back to bed – and whoop, whoop, whoop – she’s doing the ice-under-the-feet shuffle and flapping her arms and groping for towels to cling to as she goes down. For some reason I find this incredibly funny.

Then we had the police incident. And we got seriously lost in the woods. And there was the erroneous turning off of her electricity… But I did navigate a Mother’s Day beer-fest, corn hole tossing, barbeque at John’s new house with grace – the only one without a drink in hand when the Kentucky Derby horses were off. And I told Jon Jon about the oil on the bathroom floor falling thing and we laughed till we cried, because that’s the kind of thing that gets us going. And I left my phone plugged into the wall at Lauren’s and now she has to overnight it to me today (because who can exist for more than a day without their phone?).

But I took her out to dinner. And we got our nails done. And she loves me.

All in all, a great three days. Sour. Sweet. Gone.

P.S. I took a bunch of great photos, but they’re on my phone…

Today I’m not drinking because I want to be sweet.

How come you’re not drinking?