Snap Decisions and Alcohol Abuse and Road Kill, Oh My…


New research from Western University’s Brain and Mind Institute (BMI) has revealed that alcohol definitively impairs the human ability to override impulse or snap decisions that are natural responses to rapidly evolving situations.In other words, if you’re drunk you will probably be okay stopping the car in the driveway before ramming through the closed garage door. Avoiding an opossum running into the road is another story. Sober you can jump from decision to decision with the agility of a frog on lily pads, people. At least that’s what the BMI says.

Dare I beg to differ with the BMI? (We know I’ll be RSVP’ing a polite “Unable to Attend” to any of their party invitations.) I seem unable to make snap, or any other kind of decisions now that I’m sober.

I recently stood in the Target toy aisle for like forty minutes trying to decide what to buy an eight year boy  for a birthday present. In the old days I would have, bought him a Swiss Army Knife, put it in a party bag and been the hit of the day (concerned parents aside…).

In my drinking days I would have made a decision to buy a Maserati in forty minutes. That is another story, but this morning I’m thinking the BMI didn’t use test subjects who were recovering alcoholics. Obviously they couldn’t.

The Marilyn Brain and Mind Institute (MBMI) is conducting a study on snap decision making and ex-boozery.  Could decision making lethargy have to do with destroyed brain cells? Inquiring minds want to know.

An ex-cocaine addict friend of mine says he went to the doctor recently for a checkup to see if he had suffered any irreparable damage. The doctor said, “It looks good. You look good. You didn’t destroy any brain cells as far as I can tell. You didn’t GROW any…”

Today I’m not drinking because I have to make snap decisions!

How come you’re not drinking?