Last night on the phone (after we dealt with yet another unintelligible crisis in her young life) Ellie asked me, “Miss Marilyn, are you happy?” I think that may be my new favorite interview question.
It stopped me in my tracks. Recently, I have gotten comments from people who tell me my life in recovery finally seems to be coming together. And they are right. I’ve accomplished a lot in a short time. I’ve completed my CCAR Recovery Coach training, learned to kayak, led successful group sessions , built a website and a blog and a crackerjack marketing team, qualified to drive a van, rekindled dormant relationships, discovered hiking in Michigan’s Up North and even navigated difficult social situations without craving a tumbler of La Crema ..
But am I happy?
And is it a fair question to ask a person in recovery?
I paused when Ellie asked me. I registered that I miss Lauren and Jon Jon and Kim. I miss a couple of friends and the state of Florida (but Lauren tells me to wait to miss it until winter), and the familiarity of places I have lived for a long time. Sometimes I wish I had a bigger, rollicking family, but I love my job and I am (for once) happy with the state of my body…
I guess I am happy. It makes me feel a bit awkward – like I’m bragging or prideful. But I’m not either of those things anymore (way too scared to wake up that ghost…). I answered Ellie’s question with, “I’m getting there.” but I think I might be there.
Are you happy?