“What if I’m the fun girl and want to explore the sober curious world?”
Today I’m going to address a reader question who is concerned she may not be the life of the party if she takes a break from drinking.
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Reader Question:
I am SUPER SOBER CURIOUS right now. My biggest thing stopping me is the social situations. I AM THE FUN GIRL that ALWAYS shows up and makes everyone laugh. I can do that sober, but as soon as someone sees me without a drink it becomes, YOU’RE not DRINKING??” Like it is a part of me… thoughts on how to combat this?
Reader Question Answered:
Hi Friend. Thank you for your question. Three things come to mind when I read over this. And they are:
- You already are the fun girl
- Other people’s opinions of you may be driving your decisions
- Your beliefs are strongly tied to your identity
You already are the fun girl
You said it yourself! When I think of “the fun girl” at events, trade shows, parties or GNOs, I think of a woman who is inclusive of everyone at the table. A girl who makes everyone around her feel special. Someone brimming with confidence and enthusiasm and holds a zest for life that cannot be contained.
Because you already have an interest in the sober curious movement, I suspect you may have figured out that alcohol – in no amount – can give you the amazing qualities listed above. In fact, alcohol can erode any self-confidence that you already have.
I’ve always been completely amazed at beautiful and sophisticated women who do not need to drink during social events. They already have it all – and do not need to manufacture anything that comes from a bottle! You already are the fun girl! Exploring the sober curious side should not affect that at all.
[editor’s note: here’s a recent blog post I wrote about the VERY FASHIONABLE Leanne Barlow, who doesn’t drink.]
Finally, if you’ve been caught up in a drinking pattern, you’ve likely been experiencing poor sleep, which can affect everything from hormones to mood and appetite. As William Porter suggests in Alcohol Explained,
“The fact is that whoever you are as a drinker, it is not the real you. It is a tired, irritable and overly emotional you. Essentially, it’s not a very pleasant you.”
With that said, perhaps you could even be more joyful, engaging and FUN if you gave up the booze for a bit!
Other people’s opinions of you may be driving your decisions
I say this with love. Take this next piece of advice from someone who – for most of my life – has thought of other people and what they would think as a key driver in what I would do next.
From my relatives to my colleagues – and even the people I see at my children’s school – I used to weigh everyone’s thoughts very heavily before taking action.
And I have a handful of memories of instances where I ordered a glass of wine around women just because I didn’t want to make THEM feel uncomfortable. But that is no way to live. And I promised myself I would stop that.
To be clear, I don’t go out of my way to make people uncomfortable, but I’m much more mindful of the decisions I need to feel at ease.
You are uniquely made and capable of extraordinary things. And I believe that you know deep inside what is best for YOU. So why not follow that interest and curiosity you have about being alcohol free and see what comes your way?
I check in with my intuition, I pray to God for guidance and then I go on my way. I can’t be bothered to think about other people’s opinions of me.
They will have them regardless so I may as well be at peace with myself, right”
What do you want out of this one life you’ve been given?
Is it truly to be the fun girl at parties while exploring this sober curious world? If so, start to believe that you are the fun girl and can do all exciting things without alcohol.
Whatever your desired identity is, you have the power to become that person.
The book Atomic Habits is a great place to start if you want to learn more about habits and how they help to form our identities. The more alcohol free experiences you build, the more self-confidence you have. And this leads you to becoming the fun girl who embraces all that life has to offer without a drop of wine!
So, friend, I will leave you with this.
You already are the fun girl. Exploring your relationship with alcohol – and perhaps even deciding to take a break – will not affect this. It can only help you feel better, look great and connect more authentically with friends and acquaintances. No one can take this away from you because you don’t have a glass of wine in your hand.
“Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity.” – Atomic Habits
