Fiona’s typical state of being…


I bought Fiona online from a breeder in Oklahoma when I was drunk.  For the first few months of her life, I was at my lowest point – drinking three bottles of wine a day and battling a mysterious bacterial infection that caused my joints to swell painfully.  Walking her (during a batch of springtime torrential rains) was about all I did in the outside world during her formative months…


I wonder if there is an Al-Anon for dogs?  My snooty Ponte Vedra veterinarian suggested braces for Fiona’s overbite, so I know  there are dog orthodontists.


In spite of myself, she is the first dog our family has ever had who doesn’t hide beneath a bed or find a favorite corner of a Persian Rug and poop and pee in the house.  She also sleeps a lot.  She is the perfect condo dog.


Fiona is what I would describe as non-spontaneous.  She gets nervous.  I don’t take her in the car much, but  I took her with me yesterday to my storage space – for some reason, her favorite thing to do.  On the way home I drove through the local Starbucks.


When Fiona is in the car, she doesn’t sit down, so she pitches back and forth clumsily whenever I accelerate or stop (occasionally her wonky, chest-heavy weight and centrifugal force propel her to the floor like an overloaded grocery bag).  But she was upright and drooling with classically conditioned treat expectation when we pulled into the Starbucks drive-through.


The lady at Starbucks mistook me for a Dog Person (faithful cur beside me and all) and offered a “PUP-achino” to Fiona.  A PUP-achino is a demi glass cup full of whipped cream.



She is not beautiful…


Now I’m wondering about 12-Step programs for dogs.  Can dogs have additive personalities?

Today I’m not drinking because I’m researching Al-Anon for dogs…

How come you’re not drinking?