Eating Disorders + Addiction (How Do You Kill the Hydra?)

That’s me on the left – I’m like, “I am NOT going to eat 4,000 calories of candy in one sitting – burn the head after I cut it off!!!” and the other guy is like, “Wait. Did you say 4,000 calories?” and I’m like “Don’t worry – I took Correctol” and he’s like, “Yuck…” (obviously the guy with the torch has never had an eating disorder….)

I just read an article from Recovery Connection that says 50% of those with eating disorders will go on to have some sort of addiction issues. The article also says the symptoms do not always present at the same time: one disorder may be under control, while another rears its ugly head; or one disorder may kick-start a dormant tendency long held at bay. It is something I can still relate to, two years sober, when a secret candy glut or binge eating setback rattles my overall recovery…

I am reminded of the Hydra – the mythical sea creature with nine heads and nine hungry mouths. The Hydra had a lair at the entrance to the underworld, and like most Greek monsters, it was greedy and gratuitously mean and symbolic. You will remember our hero Odysseus with his club and straight edge, going after the Hydra as one of his challenges before he could go home to Troy. That poor guy – the Hydra was so toxic, its breath was lethal (like the smell of the stale bourbon in the morning) and every time Odysseus lopped off one head, two more grew back.

I swear that is how I sometimes feel when fighting the disorders that have cropped up since I quit drinking. All my issues involve filling a void (I do not even want to know why at this point), so they could all be called eating disorders, I think. Or gluttony. Or sea creature-ishness if you are feeling inventive.

For most of my twenties I had bulimia. I would eat several bags of cheap candy or a loaf of white bread, cinnamon toast (the breakfast of champions) and then I’d take six laxative pills (when the directions said take two) and the rest of the afternoon you can imagine (if you have the gag-reflex for it)… I don’t talk about this much. It is not really appropriate dinner conversation, it’s repulsive and it is something a bit deeper than embarrassing to admit. Let’s not even talk about the subliminal naming of my product to choice – Correctol…

I have not spiraled to the purging part of my eating disorder again since I’ve been sober, but I do binge sometimes late at night when no one is looking. And I have thought about how much better I’d feel if I GOT RID of it all. It’s like cutting off the ugly, snapping head of the Hydra and watching while a few more grow back…