On the television show VEEP, the Vice President of the United States is given the task of spearheading the campaign to reduce obesity in America. She says to her chief of staff, “The President knows I am made uncomfortable by fat people. You want to know the secret to keeping weight off? Shut your (expletive) pie hole…. Put down the cupcake.”
I’ve told you before, I expected my life to be roses and reggae when I became sober. I honestly thought, if I quit drinking, all my problems would dissolve and I’d rise up like a Phoenix from the ashes of my indiscretions, anew. I thought I would lose ten pounds (all those empty calories gone from my life), my hair would shine and I would have newfound energy and peace of mind.
That didn’t happen.
I have discovered a few interesting things about myself that need tweaking, now that I’m sober… I self medicated for example, to ease the discomfort of a number of learning differences. I do not have the same level of frenetic energy I used to have. I have quickly developed what can only be described as a sugar addiction and for the first time in my adult life I have an appetite.
I gained fifteen pounds.
How can that be? That’s not fair. By my calculation, I was drinking about 3,000 calories per day, so cutting those calories should result in an immediate weight loss, right?
The Disability Resource Directory (yes, Virginia there is a Disability Resource Directory) says: Not everyone gains weight when he or she begins an alcohol recovery program but there are many people who do gain weight. The average gain is about ten pounds but there are many people who gain a significant amount of weight. This weight gain is discouraging because with alcohol, it is generally easier to stay thin. The weight gain also discourages other alcoholics from recovery… The important thing to realize is that a person would have to gain 150 pounds for the weight gain to be unhealthier than the excessive drinking.
No shit Sherlock, and that makes me feel so much better…
The DRD goes on to say exercise, diet and “good addictions” are key to recovering like a super model, with the same degree of pathos as the fictional Vice President above. We’re on our own, people. I hike. I gave up sugar for Lent. I’ll FIX this.
But I don’t feel like I should have to.
I feel like the universe (and my body) should give me a break…