I once had a psychologist tell me my biggest problem was not alcoholism, but the fact I did not pay attention to my surroundings. He said, “It’s 48 degrees outside today. You are wearing a silk blouse. Pay attention and take better care of yourself. Wear a coat.”
It may seem like I’ve been to a lot of shrinks. I think I talk about them a fair amount. I’ve only been to two: one in San Francisco when I was throwing ashtrays and irons at Jonathan; and the above quoted fellow in Jacksonville right after my divorce (obviously my ex-husband was driving me crazy…).
I have spent the past few days and nights in the Georgia highlands without cell service or a house phone or internet. I am in a place so remote I have to ford two streams (as in drive through a river) to get here. I do not know anyone else who would have come, knowing there was no cell service, without making sure some other means of contacting the outside world were up and running. Do you?
This is the kind of behavior the nice doctor was talking about – my runaway disregard for taking good care of myself.
Quitting drinking was an excellent first step. I no longer court danger, and I am more aware of life’s perils. But I think I have a long way to go before I like myself well enough to truly protect me.
For now, I’m going to wear a coat. It’s cold in Georgia…
Today I’m not drinking because I’m finally trying to take good care of myself…
How come you’re not drinking?