For those of you who do not live in Ponte Vedra, Florida (or inside my head) this might not make any sense…
The Seven Reasons it is Good to be Sober at TPC (in no particular order of importance…)
1. My threshold for traffic jams on A1A is a bit higher when I try to get to my storage space or the gas station or Dan’s Seafood…
2. I find it FUN to play “Count the Cops” nestled in hiding places on JTB.
3. I do not even try to go to a bar or restaurant, so no frustration! What is the point of waiting for three hours for a table or 20 minutes at a bar only to order gassy water and cranberry?
4. I am not afraid there will be mandatory sobriety checkpoints in Jacksonville Beach. (Bring them on, bitches…)
5. I am trusted (for the first time in my life) as the designated driver.
6. If I went to the tournament (which I do not – I went once in 20 years and I was like, “Where did the ball go?”) I would not fall down or make noise during a shot or throw up in the azaleas outside the Gate tent…
7. I do not have to try to find a cute sun-dress or flat sandals to stand in 100 degree heat, when my closet is filled with black turtlenecks and black trousers and black stiletto boots. Because I am not going. Because there is no point in going sober…
Got to run – I am picking up Lauren and Laura and my ex- husband (that ought to be FUN – he is the worst back seat driver ever…) to take them to the TPC!!!
