Show Off!

I remember as a child, one of the worst things you could call somebody was a “show off”. That was the kid who teetered perilously on a wheelie, no hands, shouting, “LOOK AT ME!” The show off was never cool, no matter how dangerous the stunt. Even as children, we sensed there was something sad and desperate for our attention, buried in the bravado…

I had a boyfriend who used to say the three, famous-last-words of a redneck were, “Hey, watch this!”  He was a redneck, who caught alligators with his bare hands and put them in the swimming pool. He swam during thunderstorms and lit cigarettes with one hand while filling a tractor gas tank with the other. He passed out and ran aground while driving his dissipated boat so many times, the guys at the marina called him “Captain Bruiser” – a handle he tattooed onto his forearm as though it were a compliment or an achievement. He was the grown up embodiment of the schoolyard show off…

Look at me. Hey, watch this. I’m special…

I have never thought of myself as a show off, but I got a nasty-gram from someone yesterday in response to the post on What is an Addictive Personality?, and it got me pondering… Pridefulness is how I got myself into this mess in the first place.

This anonymous person said (along with a list of other snarky, mean-ass things):

“Addictive Personality” is not a thing. It’s just a new-agey way of using a substitute term for “disease.”

I hate how some addicts are hell-bent on proving to themselves that they are so super duper special, unique little snowflakes with a specific “disease” or a specific “personality trait.”

I think that need stems from an addict’s never-ending desire to be special and unique – noticeable in some way. Once sober, we are no longer special in the magnitude of our self-destruction, so we need to find a new way to be special. 

First of all dear nasty-gram writer, I hate you. And secondly you made me think a bit too long about whether I have a sort of reverse show off, Munchausen-esque need to tout my “super duper specialness” by guzzling three bottles of wine or eating a pound of frozen grapes in one sitting, and then writing about it. It seems I would get more bang for my buck by joining a hotdog eating contest…

I have decided you need to do a little light reading on the subject of borderline personality disorder and addiction. Unless of course you’d rather troll the internet. Unless you think borderline personality disorder is not “a thing”…

Hey look at me! Watch this I’m an addict!!!