How to Beat Self-Sabotage

I have decided I am my own worst frenemy. I have polled my friends and they all say I am funny (even funnier now that I’m sober, but I think they think they have to say that or I’ll be all gaga-drunk to get a laugh…), smart, interesting and best of all confident. I’m not buying it.

It reminds me of the days I lived in Darien Connecticut with a kitchen through a swinging door and around the corner from the living room. When we had guests,I’d go into the bestrewed kitchen and run around all sweat rings, wrapping melon with ham and stacking minuscule dollops of soft cheese onto cherry tomatoes while my husband entertained. When I came back with the finger food, I looked as though the effort was seamless – as if there were liveried staff in the pantry.

I’ve always been good at faking it, but my head is the Darien kitchen even though the outside world sees the yuppie-pillowed living room and canapés on antique plates.

Take writing for example. I am currently writing several articles for other websites (the very thing I am qualified and have been lobbying to do), and the end product will be fine (brilliant even), but getting there is a bona fide mess. I am a self-sabotaging, mean girl who trips myself up at every turn, and I am sick of it.

I did some research and we alcoholics are a self-loathing bunch: afraid of success, undeserving of the good things in life. It’s one of the reasons we drank. It’s one of the reasons we doubt ourselves even when sober. Here are some tips I culled from the mass of information on the internet. Read them and weep (that’s a figure of speech – don’t actually cry dummy…).

Six Ways to Beat Self-Sabotage:

1. Change your Mindset: Instead of thinking about failure/success, think about personal growth. It takes the pressure off and allows you to enjoy what you are doing, making for a better product.
2. Stop Striving for Perfection: As that horrible, redneck fellow says, “Get er’ dun!” This is my biggest problem with writing – I reread a thousand times, scour the Thesaurus for the exact word and eventually just stare sightlessly at the screen…
3. Lose the Guilt: Okay, so I did a bunch of horrible things, does it mean I have to pay forever? Try to forgive yourself and move on. You’ve been through a lot and you deserve it.
4. Be Nice to Yourself: Turn around the Golden Rule and Do unto yourself as you would do to others.
5. Stop Comparing Yourself: This is your journey (not F. Scott Fitzgerald’s), and there is no joy in keeping chits on those who seem to be excelling faster than you. Focus.
6. Lighten Up, People: Don’t take everything so seriously. Laugh a little and expect good things to happen.

I’ll say it again, you’ve been through a lot. You deserve success and happiness and peace. You deserve it. We deserve it.

Now if I can just start believing it…