If I Could Do it All Over Again…

This sturm und drang does not suit me well.  I am weary of being weary of the weather.  You see how capricious I am?  I can’t even drum up a proper depression without getting bored…

I got a letter from a reader yesterday asking the question:  If you could do it all over again would you drink?

What a wonderful, thought provoking question.

This is what I answered:

I really do try not to look back at what I could have done (it always ends in tears).  In answer to your question, if I could wave a magic wand, I suppose I would have quit drinking (or seriously moderated my drinking) about twelve years ago, at the time of my divorce.  That is when it got out of control.  I would have listened to people’s advice.  I would have turned over the handling of my money and the day to day administration of my life to someone who did not have my learning disabilities.

But I DID NOT and who really knows what would have happened if I did?  The world is full of minefields, as you well know.  Remember the Beltway Sniper? Bernie Madoff?  Hurricane Katrina?  The bear in the bushes at my Jacksonville Beach condominium?

And if I had done that, I would have to erase the experiences I had in the Bahamas, because NO ONE with any sense would have let me go there…

*****

You are thinking, “You could have gone to the Bahamas with moderation.  You could have been in the Bahamas without buying a house or a boat or drinking every day.”  But if I hadn’t been drinking I would NEVER have been dating Kirk, and if I hadn’t dated Kirk I wouldn’t have planned a trip to Staniel Cay to go fishing and if we hadn’t gone on that trip I would not have even known Blue Heaven was available and if I had not bought Blue Heaven I would not have…

…you see what happens when you try to change the past?

And besides, no one who lives a safe life ever writes a memoire worth reading…

Yes.  I would still have taken EVERY ONE of those drinks, because YOU CAN’T CHANGE THE PAST.  And yes, I’m glad I quit.  And I will see what today brings and tomorrow – until the end of my days…

And on that last day (how’s that for sturm und drang?) when my life flashes in front of me I will undoubtedly see this and be grateful: