Drinking Responsibly



That is not an oxymoron for some. I have people write to me all the time, who ask about the “rules” of drinking responsibly (as if I would know). They say “I’m going to a wedding – help :)” or “I am 26 and if I don’t drink I’m a social pariah :)” or “Soggily yours :(“.


Whenever someone creates an ironic, sideways cartoon out of a colon and a parenthesis, I take it as a cry for help. And there were many times in my drinking days I had to curtail my drinking for one reason or another (e.g. my children’s Christ Church Preschool fundraiser…), so I do know how to do it…


Here are some tips for those of you who want to drink, but do not want to embarrass yourselves in the process:

  1. Do not start the night (before going out the door) with a shot of Fireball, because “Beer before liquor never been sicker. Liquor before beer in the clear!”
  2. Do not drink a glass of wine while you are getting ready for “liquid courage”.
  3. Leave the car at home and Uber, but do not take a roadie because you can.
  4. Never let anyone fill your glass before you are finished with the current drink.
  5. Do not let anyone get you “another please” at the open bar – go get in line and wait and get it yourself.
  6. Drink a glass (or better a bottle) of water between alcoholic drinks.
  7. Count how many drinks you are having – if you lose count you are already on the road to shit-facery. You should be able to remember three…
  8. Say the alphabet. If you find yourself saying, “A, B, C um, wait – I mean wait let me start over – A, B… um,” stop drinking and pound a Redbull.
  9. Partake in activities that require hand/eye coordination, like darts or billiards or sack races.
  10. Eat.

And you can always go home…

Today I’m not drinking because I can’t seem to drink responsibly :( .

How come you’re not drinking?