Have You Ever Been Stalked?

Sad, stalker shoes…

Help. I looked at a pair of boots on Zappos a few days ago, and now whenever I go onto Facebook, a picture of the same boots pops up on the right side of the feed. How does it know? Then yesterday I was researching something for this blog and right before the information surfaced, a little, weird kidnappers note came up and it said: WE’RE SAD. COME BACK TO ZAPPOS AND FINISH WHAT YOU STARTED. No picture of the boots this time – just a cryptic, all caps note.

Doesn’t that sound like a missive you might get from a stalker?

These are the sad, scary, stalker boots that keep showing up and insisting, “I will not be ignored,.”:

I don’t even like them…

I was actually stalked once.

By a cab driver. Maybe that’s why I’m sensitive to these aggressive shoes. I was pulled over by the police, drunk and bleeding from a head wound (another story entirely). They were kind enough to park my car safely, give me back my keys on the honor system, call me a cab and wait patiently while I sat in the back of their cruiser smelling of rust and stale wine. I do not know of anyone else who can tell a similar story. Aren’t the police supposed to put you in jail for the night if you are caught drunk driving? Mandatory?

Anyway, the cab driver came and I got in and he must of been one of those guys who like vulnerability, or the thrill of police lights and clotted blood, or a gated community on the Intracoastal Waterway… He took me home, bobble-headed in the backseat. I don’t know how he got my number (like Zappos and Facebook, he just DID), but for several weeks afterward he called leaving messages such as:

We had such a nice time, didn’t we?

You need someone to take care of you.

I’ve driven past your house and it seems like it needs a man’s touch.

We had such a connection the other night. We need to be together.

I’m sad. Let’s finish what we started.

And these were in my feed this morning (extolling: Free Shipping Both Ways!)…