Grateful…

When I think of the Caribbean…

This weekend I wrote a joint post with the Sober Senorita on living and drinking in the Caribbean.  There is a point in our blog conversation, where Kelly waxes poetic about why she would never go back to drinking.  It is heartfelt and quite beautiful, and it was a bit embarrassing to me. I felt like I had been more snarky and regretful than she was about my crazy days in The Bahamas, and she made me realize I should be more consciously grateful about the positive aspects of my sobriety.

Remember the scene in the movie The Three Amigos (I’m going to assume you’ve seen the movie, and if you haven’t you need to watch it right now, because otherwise how could we be friends…), where the Amigos are talking about what they are going to do with the reward money when they get it?  Lucky Days says he wants a big, shiny car; Dusty Bottoms wants champagne and travel to Paris… When Little Neddie says he is going to start an orphanage with his money, the other two amigos look properly chagrined.

That’s me in the middle… When asked what I liked about being sober I said, “I dunno. I suppose walking without staggering?”

The thing that makes the scene so funny is the look on the faces of the selfish Amigos and the way they back peddle falsely.  When I read Kelly’s comments on sobriety, my first instinct was to go back and edit my words – throw in another thankful clause or two  Oh yeah, me too, blackouts – hate those.  But I left it as is: I am afraid to go back to my favorite place on earth because I might be tempted to relapse; I do sometimes miss sitting under a tiki umbrella with a cold glass of white wine; I am mad at myself for letting the booze take so much away from me…

But I am grateful.  I promise.  The reasons I am grateful might not be top of mind every day.  I sometimes forget to pray too.  For now, I’ll just let Kelly’s words speak for me and I’ll say, “Yes.  Me too.  What she said.”

It was hard at first, but I was able to develop a life that didn’t involve alcohol and I stuck to my decision not to give in to the desire to drink. I have never been tempted to go back to my old partying ways because my life has gotten SO much better since I got sober. I never want to return to the hangovers, the stress, the anxiety, the constant worry about what I said or did during a black out. The feeling of peace and self confidence I have now being able to walk around in Cancun without shame or embarrassment is priceless…

What she said…