I’m Fixed!

A close up from what is probably my favorite painting – “The Wait” by Tony Rodrigues

In the past week, two different people have asked me the same question, “Lord have mercy, don’t you want a drink?” Well they didn’t actually say it like that – I don’t know anyone who says “lord have mercy” but I like the way it sounds and you get my drift. Both times it was in a stressful situation – the kind of situation where the hero in a movie pulls a bottle of plonk from under a counter (after the fourth visit from a suspicious detective) and pours scotch into a juice glass like medicine.

Here’s the thing. I didn’t.

I’m fixed!

The other thing that happened this week is that I started using exclamation points (I am resisting using one right now). I have never used exclamation points – they seem overly hopeful and cheesy and eager. I am an ellipses kind of gal… Now I’m wondering if there’s a connection, like the stutter I developed right after my divorce.

I told a friend of mine the other day, “Don’t let anyone tell you how to be and stay sober. It is your journey.” I meant that you should take advice and read and study and go to meetings, but everyone’s recovery experience is unique. It’s a little bit like dying. You can take comfort in community, but in the end you have to do it on your own.

I think I’ve just made another step forward in my journey.

I am fortunate to have this blog as a journal. I can go back to the early days of my recovery and chart my progress. There is no question I was angrier a year ago. I was more resentful and sarcastic and thirsty. I think I like the fact I didn’t think about not thinking about drinking until just now. I think I like that it was natural to deal with a situation and move on. I think I like the newfound exuberance of exclamatory sentences! I think that although there is still a long road to travel, I am finally looking forward to the trip.