Generated by All in One SEO v4.9.10, this is an llms.txt file, used by LLMs to index the site.

# Waking Up The Ghost - Alcohol Recovery

Alcoholic, Alcohol Recovery, Alcohol Addicted

## Sitemaps

- [XML Sitemap](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sitemap.xml): Contains all public & indexable URLs for this website.

## Posts

- [50 Shades of Michigan – Sober Winter SAD?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/50-shades-of-michigan-sober-winter-sad/) - In the pubs in England, everyone talks about the weather. “Bit of rain today,” they’ll say, even when their brollies are turned inside out from the violence of the storm. It seems we do the same in Michigan in winter. We minimize our despondence, caused by the seemingly endless gray, as if we’re responsible. But, like England, when you get
- [What Could Have Been. Don’t Go There, My Sober Friends](https://wakinguptheghost.com/could-have-been-sober-friends/) - In the movie La La Land, there is a “what could have been” scene. And by the time you get there, you are so enthralled with the connection between the main characters, you can’t help but hope the real outcome is some cheesy, cinematic trick. A dream sequence, perhaps? Anything, so the beloved couple really does give
- [No “Buts” About It – The 6 Things I Love About Sobriety](https://wakinguptheghost.com/6-things-love-without-but-about-sobriety/) - No one has ever accused me of being too giddy. So, it is unlikely you will hear me tell you I love being sober without adding the “but”. I don’t know why I feel the need to do this. Waking Up the Ghost is a sobriety blog, after all. Why can’t I just post photos of me grinning
- [Ignoring Your Better Judgment or What’s Done is Done, Warren…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/ignoring-your-better-judgment-or-whats-done-is-done-warren/) - Did anyone else see a befuddled Warren Beatty ignoring his better judgment last night at the Oscars? The entire world watched as he looked down at the red envelope, seemed confused, looked to a clueless audience for divine counsel and relinquished the decision to reveal the winner of the “Best Picture” award to Faye Dunaway. Faye, with complete confidence (which was
- [Thinking About Quitting Drinking? It’s a Pretty Big Climb…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/thinking-about-quitting/) - I am currently obsessing about climbing a set of stairs. The stairs begin at a feeder road to the expressway in Grand Rapids and end, like Jack’s beanstalk, high and steep enough above the ground to disappear into the early morning mist. I am obsessing (and I don’t use that word lightly), because this staircase is a
- [Feeling, Seeing, Smelling Vacation Without the Booze](https://wakinguptheghost.com/feeling-seeing-smelling-vacation-sober/) - I spent three hours yesterday lying in the Puerto Rican sun. On a lounge chair and in a bathing suit. I haven’t done that in years, but I felt the need for some Vitamin D and it was windy enough to be comfortable – not too hot. Happily, I am past the point where relaxing seaside
- [What if Quitting Drinking Doesn’t Stick the First (Fifth, Tenth) Time You Try?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/quitting-drinking-doesnt-stick-first-time/) - Try, try again… Get ready – I’m about to use climbing mountains as a metaphor for quitting drinking again. I can’t help myself, it’s too symbolic. Especially since the first time I tried to climb the “big hill” on my vacation in Puerto Rico last week, I failed. Let me explain. The road to get to the
- [The Sky is Falling! The Sky is Falling! (Things Happen, But It’s All Good…)](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sky-falling-all-good/) - In The Bahamas they have an expression, “Things happen.” Those two little words seem to sum up the national psyche. They explain away all of life’s travails in the islands. The expression “things happen,” covers everything from the inappropriate behavior on a drunken night, to the irrevocable destruction of force majeure. The words are uttered
- [I’m Solitary Sober… What Kind of Sober are You?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/solitary-grizzly-sober-what-kind-of-sober-are-you/) - I guess, if I were being honest, I’d have to say I am the kind of person who enjoys being alone in a remote cabin in the woods. I am writing from one now. If you met me, you would not think of me as some solitary, grizzly gal. I shave my legs, I carry on lively
- [Before and After – How Alcohol Wreaks Havoc on Your Hair](https://wakinguptheghost.com/before-and-after-how-alcohol-wreaks-havoc-on-your-hair/) - Someone asked me the other day if I was wearing hair extensions, because my hair “looked so thick”. It’s funny, because for so many years I have hated my thin hair, and recently it has become kind of amazing. I actually did wear hair extensions during The Bahamas years. I thought they looked glamorous at the time. Based on a quick
- [Sober Curious Success Story – Sandra Enjoys Alcohol Free Beach Vacation](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sober-curious-success-story-sandra/) - Sober Curious Success Story I love to learn from women who have a sober curious success story to share. Because I know they serve as inspiration to those looking to make a change in their lives when it comes to the role alcohol plays. Therefore, I have a fun story to share with you today!
- [Alcohol Free Beach Drink – Mango Smash Mocktail Recipe](https://wakinguptheghost.com/alcohol-free-beach-drink/) - If you’re looking for an alcohol free beach drink that is refreshing and tastes great with some sand between your toes, than look no further! The word “mocktail” doesn’t have to evoke images of flat Shirley Temples with warm, soggy Maraschino cherries. And if you’re a mango lover, you’ll definitely have to read on for
- [Keep the promises you make to yourself](https://wakinguptheghost.com/keep-the-promises-you-make-to-yourself/) - Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and purchase. Do you keep the promises you make to yourself? Like really consistently? As much as you do your promises to others? I know I don’t. I recently read
- [Top sober books](https://wakinguptheghost.com/top-books-for-getting-sober/) - If you want to get inspired to set off on your own alcohol free journey, I’d suggest reading some top sober books. Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and purchase. Quit Lit – Top Books for
- [10 surprising benefits of living alcohol free](https://wakinguptheghost.com/10-benefits-of-going-alcohol-free/) - Have you ever been curious about the benefits of living alcohol free? Before I began my own, I always wondered what where the benefits of living alcohol free for 30 days, 60 days or longer. I would Google “alcohol free for 30 days and results” and constantly read others’ success stories. So I’m very happy
- [Celebrate Progress Over Perfection](https://wakinguptheghost.com/celebrate-progress-over-perfection/) - Progress over perfection is my motto for the day! My personality tends to be “all or nothing” – but, lately, I’ve given myself grace over making progress instead of being perfect at anything. A reader’s question answered I love receiving questions from friends who are interested in the sober curious movement. So, when speaking with
- [Amazing tips to rock the weekend sober](https://wakinguptheghost.com/amazing-tips-to-rock-the-weekend-sober/) - I received this question from a reader and thought it would be a good one to address today. “I’m good until Friday/weekend. Then I’ll talk myself into having a glass, which leads to most of the bottle. ???? Question – Surviving the weekend booze free?” Tips on how to rock the weekend sober If you’re
- [3 ways alcohol sabotages your fitness goals](https://wakinguptheghost.com/3-ways-alcohol-is-sabotages-fitness-goals/) - Today I’m sharing three ways alcohol sabotages your fitness goals. Did you ever wonder if alcohol affects the time you put in at the gym? Well then today’s blog post is for you! [Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if
- [Sober Prep 101: How to stay sober on vacation](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sober-prep-101-how-to-prepare-for-an-alcohol-free-vacation/) - If you took a class called Sober Prep 101, it would teach you how to prepare – both physically and mentally – for an sober vacation. In fact, the best way to ensure success for an sober vacation is to prepare. It’s not something you should wing, especially if it’s your first attempt at a
- [How to use essential oils for sobriety](https://wakinguptheghost.com/essential-oils-in-sobriety/) - How essential oils aid in sobriety I love using essential oils as part of my sober toolbox! Last year, I believed with my whole heart that wine was the only thing available in my handy little toolbox. But times change and so do people! [Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at
- [Life-changing benefits of quitting alcohol](https://wakinguptheghost.com/life-changing-benefits-of-quitting-alcohol/) - Life-changing benefits of quitting alcohol. Are there any? Yes! In fact, I started off wanting to address three benefits. But, during the process of writing this, I actually added three more to my list – BONUS! If you’ve read any articles at all espousing the benefits of quitting alcohol, you’ve probably noticed a pattern. People
- [Choose your hard](https://wakinguptheghost.com/choose-your-hard/) - Life is hard. Choose your hard. Guys, I am absolutely humbled that so many of you have taken the time to write me about my recent feature article in Prevention Magazine. And I’m still a little shaky from sharing something so personal in such a public platform. But I have no doubt that it was
- [How can I stop drinking if “I am the fun girl?”](https://wakinguptheghost.com/how-can-i-stop-drinking-if-i-am-the-fun-girl/) - “What if I’m the fun girl and want to explore the sober curious world?” Today I’m going to address a reader question who is concerned she may not be the life of the party if she takes a break from drinking. [Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost
- [Without struggle, there is no progress](https://wakinguptheghost.com/without-struggle-there-is-no-progress/) - Without struggle, there is no progress. Today, I answer a friend’s question about struggling to get out there and socialize without the aid of alcohol. Question: “….my past two sober weekends my boyfriend and I have stayed home mostly. Any tips on how to brave the things you used to love to do with wine,
- [Let go of the notion that alcohol is a treat](https://wakinguptheghost.com/let-go-of-the-notion-that-alcohol-is-a-treat/) - Let go of the notion that alcohol is a treat – catherine gray An inspirational letter from a friend who’s about to celebrate one year alcohol free I love hearing from people whose lives have changed after quitting alcohol. This letter is meant to provide inspiration to those who think that alcohol is a treat
- [How long distance running and Sober October are similar](https://wakinguptheghost.com/how-long-distance-running-and-sober-october-are-similar/) - I see so many parallels between long distance running and succeeding at Sober October. And, in honor of October 1 (the first day of Sober October!), I’d like to share them with you. Sober October is basically a month without drinking. However, according to Forbes magazine, it has been broadened to an overall healthy lifestyle
- [10 Autumn Calabrese quotes that apply to sobriety](https://wakinguptheghost.com/10-autumn-calabrese-quotes-that-apply-to-sobriety/) - I have 10 Autumn Calabrese quotes for you that can easily be applied to sobriety. Want to hear them? [Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and purchase.] By the way, who’s Autumn Calabrese? Until this summer
- [Championship mindset in sobriety – how to get one](https://wakinguptheghost.com/championship-mindset-in-sobriety/) - Championship mindset in Sobriety Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and purchase. I promise. ‘Til Death Do Us Part. Pinky swear. My typical M.O. has been to commit to something – until it’s not convenient for
- [Rachel’s Holiday – my new favorite book that tackles addiction and recovery](https://wakinguptheghost.com/rachels-holiday/) - Rachel’s Holiday is my favorite new book that addresses addiction and recovery Rachel’s Holiday is the first book I’ve read by Marian Keyes – but I’m already planning on reading more of her work I love it when I read a book that I don’t want to end. And when I start getting excited about
- [Quitting Drinking and Tiredness – what’s the deal?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/quitting-drinking-and-tiredness/) - A member’s question about quitting drinking and tiredness I receive a lot of questions. The questions range from how to approach social occasions to recipes for alcohol free drinks and tips on staying alcohol free while traveling. One question I got recently was about tiredness and quitting drinking. Disclosure: Some of the links below are
- [alcohol free in Waikiki…how to stay sober on vacation and love it!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/alcohol-free-in-waikiki/) - Aloha! Could you ever imagine being alcohol free in Waikiki? I mean, Hawaii is the ultimate in tropical bucket list destination vacation! How could you pass up a Mai Tai there and NOT consume alcohol? Isn’t that the point of going away?! Well I’ve got the perfect story for you – how to stay alcohol
- [I had a Pop-Tart and two glasses of wine last night](https://wakinguptheghost.com/i-had-a-pop-tart-and-two-glasses-of-wine-last-night/) - I had a Pop-Tart for breakfast yesterday and two glasses of wine last night. This post may seem baffling, confusing and downright triggering. Also, I understand that there are people in recovery who do not have the option of taking another drink – it would literally kill them. If this affects you at all in
- [Four perks of sobriety to consider](https://wakinguptheghost.com/four-perks-of-sobriety-to-consider/) - I believe anyone can benefit from taking a break from drinking alcohol. It’s motivating to see how many other facets improve when you remove just one thing from your life. a man recently shared some “unexpected perks” that were beginning to emerge in his new AF (alcohol free) life. I’m sharing with you today in
- [Sober and under quarantine  – 5 things I’m committing to](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sober-and-under-quarantine/) - If you are sober and under quarantine, I’m praying for you. So, if you find yourself wading through a sea of online wine memes, I want you to know you are not alone. And I’m proud of you for sitting with scary emotions and the fear of the unknown without drowning them in alcohol.
- [Goal-setting during Coronavirus Pandemic](https://wakinguptheghost.com/goal-setting-during-coronavirus-pandemic/) - Goal-setting during coronavirus pandemic We are, after all, living in the face of furloughs and industries crashing and navigating an unknown social climate. I’m still worried I’m somehow not being as productive a member of society as someone else seems to be. I’m inspired and awed by those who are taking life by the horns
- [We Are The Luckiest – A book review](https://wakinguptheghost.com/we-are-the-luckiest-a-book-review/) - We Are The Luckiest – by Laura McKowen For some reason, I resisted reading We Are The Luckiest by Laura McKowen. And I’m not sure why. [Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and purchase.] I follow
- [Reset Relationship With Alcohol – Day 4 Know Your Buttons](https://wakinguptheghost.com/reset-relationship-with-alcohol-day-4-know-your-buttons/) - At the beginning of March, I bought a copy of Glennon Doyle’s Untamed. I looked forward to reading it and discussing it with several girlfriends who had also purchased it. But we all know what happens to the best-laid plans right? [Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost
- [Reduce Anxiety without Alcohol](https://wakinguptheghost.com/reduce-anxiety-without-alcohol/) - Today, for Day 5, I wanted to address ways you can reduce anxiety without alcohol. This was a question I received this week from someone doing the 31-day alcohol-free challenge. “I struggle extremely with anxiety. When I drink the next day, my anxiety is out of control but then when I don’t drink it is
- [Find ways to laugh – Day 6 of alcohol free challenge](https://wakinguptheghost.com/find-ways-to-laugh-day-6-of-alcohol-free-challenge/) - 2020 has been a crazy ride so far – and what has largely kept me going is to find ways to laugh. I’ve been finding ways to laugh through sharing coronavirus memes, parenting during pandemic jokes, and funny texts I’m sharing with friends and family. I think laughing and finding humor in a lot of
- [Curb Alcohol Cravings – Five Questions to Ask](https://wakinguptheghost.com/awareness-around-your-cravings-five-questions-to-ask/) - If you’re looking to reevaluate your relationship with alcohol, these five questions may be helpful to curb your alcohol cravings. If you aren’t looking to change your relationship, these questions are sure to be annoying and seem like fluff. I’ve been on both sides and understand! Anyways, this post is for those who are
- [day 9 – stock up on alcohol free drinks](https://wakinguptheghost.com/day-9-stock-up-on-alcohol-free-drinks/) - It’s day 9 of the alcohol-free May challenge. Just a friendly reminder, don’t forget to stock up on your favorite alcohol-free drinks for the weekend! This picture was taken by a friend who traveled to Hawaii and enjoyed the entire vacation without a drop of alcohol and had the most amazing time waking up early,
- [Conflicting thoughts about alcohol – day 3 of sober challenge](https://wakinguptheghost.com/conflicting-thoughts-about-alcohol-day-3-of-sober-challenge/) - “We probably won’t ever stop the conflicting voices in our heads but we can get used to them, determine which one is on our side and then try our best to listen to that one.” – Janey Lee Grace Conflicting thoughts about alcohol – day 3 of sober challenge Have you ever experienced conflicting thoughts
- [Day 2 Without Alcohol – You’ve already got what it takes to do this](https://wakinguptheghost.com/day-2-without-alcohol-youve-already-got-what-it-takes-to-do-this/) - If you are joining me on the May 2020 alcohol-free challenge, happy 2 Day Without Alcohol! Day 2 Without Alcohol Sometimes quitting drinking seems really, really hard. Sometimes it seems not so hard. But I want to talk about the hard part because we’re in this challenge. First off, you can absolutely do this. You’ve
- [Day 1 Alcohol-Free Challenge](https://wakinguptheghost.com/day-1-alcohol-free-challenge/) - For Day 1 of the May 2020 Alcohol Free Challenge, I have so much stuff that I want to share but I feel like small snippets would be better and we can build off everything over the next coming days and weeks. Day 1 Alcohol-Free Challenge Today I’d like to talk about the little decisions
- [The Drunken Disappearing Act](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-drunken-disappearing-act/) - I picked up Lauren from the airport last night. She had gone to the Army/Navy game with Laura and a group of bon vivants and ex-Navy dudes who go every year. They have their traditions: Capital Grill, barhopping, tailgating, shared hotel rooms and drunkenness. The usual behavior surrounding a big rivalry, once a year, football game.
- [Do I Look Fat in this Collar?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/do-i-look-fat-in-this-collar/) - I’m going to say it again – I’m more like Cruella de Vil and less like Diane Fosse. No one would ever accuse me of being overly kind to animals and although I really do love Fiona, Lauren says I am erratic in my behavior towards her. Apparently I am either super nice or so
- [When Music is a Trigger (What Does ‘Bout ta Bubble’ Even MEAN?)](https://wakinguptheghost.com/when-music-is-a-trigger-what-does-bout-ta-bubble-even-mean/) - I was saying my rosary on the way to work, and I pulled up to one of those lights that have a four minute red when you hit them just wrong. I continued with my piousness, settling in and connecting with my spiritual side. Quiet. Peaceful. Calm. Sober. There were two lanes, and a huge SUV
- [The Debate on Banning Caffeine in Rehab…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-debate-on-banning-caffeine-in-rehab/) - I just watched the documentary called Best of Enemies about the series of debates in 1968 between William F. Buckley and Gore Vidal – easily some of the most entertaining, scorched-earth, diametrically opposed snootiness ever recorded. I prefer Buckley’s mainline, jaw thrusting, facial ticked technique to Vidal’s deadly-sweet smile and slow, deliberate drawl – but there is no denying the brilliance of their
- [My Third Sober Christmas](https://wakinguptheghost.com/my-third-sober-christmas/) - Dee and I got her place tidied and decorated for the arrival of her children for Christmas. I told her we’d make a great team as a maid service – she’s good at tubs and sinks, I’m good at vacuuming and dusting (and we’d hire an intern to do toilets…). When we were done, we
- [Getting it Completely Wrong](https://wakinguptheghost.com/getting-it-completely-wrong/) - I had dinner with George last weekend. I will warn you that this article has nothing to do with my sobriety, except for the fact that in my old drinking days, the situation would have driven me to a fist fight… We went to an Asian fusion restaurant and we ordered: pot stickers to
- [Boxing Day Morning](https://wakinguptheghost.com/boxing-day-morning/) - The whoopla on my son’s December 23rd birthday, where the tradition is for me to pour and serve shots of Patron to start the night’s festivities, is not a trigger for me. The way everyone else looks/feels the next morning is enough to make me delighted (and obnoxiously chipper) I drank club soda at
- [The 13 Year Old Truth…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-13-year-old-truth/) - Nick’s daughter Ellie spent Christmas in the hospital. We’re not sure why: a bad cold, an infection, a euphemism… All our communication is filtered and vetted through lawyers, as if love and caring were airborne and dangerous. Ellie and Evie live with a stranger/relative in a place where nightfall comes at four o’clock in the afternoon.
- [Just Keep Swimming…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/just-keep-swimming/) - I do not swim here, having picked up thousands of shark’s teeth over the years, but I DO just keep walking… I had a friend when I lived in New York, who was one of those bigshot money manager types, and she flew around the world explaining to the already rich how to get richer.
- [The Sober Smarts](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-sober-smarts/) - I’m like the rat in Flowers for Algernon. I am so clear headed and thirsty for learning I surprise myself. Some days I’m like Dr. Spencer Reid on Criminal Minds – the one with the obscure facts, top of mind, the speed-reading, goody-two-shoes at the front of the class with the gold star. Let me give you a rundown
- [Taking it on the Chin in Recovery](https://wakinguptheghost.com/taking-it-on-the-chin-in-recovery/) - In another lifetime, I lived in New York and worked for a now defunct company called American Legal Systems. My title was VP of Sales and Marketing, a job that consisted of overseeing the sale of multi-million dollar litigation support projects and then, when they inevitably went tits up, explaining to a room full of litigators,
- [It’s Going to be a GREAT New Year!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/its-going-to-be-a-great-new-year/) - You probably don’t know this about me (unless you are Kim, Lauren, Jon Jon, my mom or Jonathan), but I say the above exclamatory sentence every, single year at this time. No matter how shitty my life has been or how seemingly fruitless my future. I always make the same proclamation on January 31st, “It’s going
- [Happy New Year, Martians](https://wakinguptheghost.com/happy-new-year-martians/) - One of the many things I did on New Year’s Eve this year was cry hysterically. But in a good way. I watched the movie The Martian, and I’ve decided it is a must see for everyone in recovery (as well as anyone thinking about quitting drinking or facing a challenge of any kind). The
- [Locksmiths and Sober Holiday Miracles…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/locksmiths-and-sober-holiday-miracles/) - One of my New Year’s resolutions (I only have two and the other is to exercise every day) was to organize my storage spaces and get rid of the things I have been housing since my move from Bristol Place five years ago. For example, the INDO Board I used to balance on in
- [How Many Wine Corks?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/how-many-wine-corks/) - When Lauren was little, we were in a store and there were some of those clever, kitchen wreaths made of corks hanging on display – several hundred corks in each wreath. She said quite loudly, “I’ll bet you could get enough corks for a wreath in a week, Mommy.” Out of the mouths of babes.
- [Does My Family Know I Have a Drinking Problem?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/does-my-family-know-i-have-a-drinking-problem/) - Yes. (But they might not say anything about it to your face). I get a variation on this question a lot. Sometimes folks will ask, “How should I tell my family I have a drinking problem?” I usually answer, “They already know.” There’s a weird thing that happens in families when one of the members has
- [Ride Safe/ Sober](https://wakinguptheghost.com/ride-safe-sober/) - In my drinking days in The Bahamas I was fearless. I’d head out into open water with the captain, on a boat without any tracking devices (there was a satellite dish and a bunch of fancy looking controls, but nobody knew how to work them). We’d hop from island to island in a place so remote
- [What Would YOU Do if You Won the Powerball?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/what-would-you-do-if-you-won-the-powerball/) - After my experience with the cab driver, serial killer with the poopy pants, I bought a Powerball ticket. I was at the Gate Station at 5 a.m. on Saturday buying cat food (don’t ask), and since the cab driver was actually a nice man with what I am now assuming was a melted Cadbury Bar on
- [Hangry in a Hip Wine Bar…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/hangry-in-a-hip-wine-bar/) - After Amber’s show on Friday, Lauren, John and I went to one of those ultra-hip, winery-as-restaurant places. We walked into a wine tasting bar with seven million bottles of wine stacked floor to thirty foot ceiling. More bottles were displayed decoratively on tables, together with wine enthusiast’s frippery and those tea towels you use to wipe
- [Catastrophic Thinking](https://wakinguptheghost.com/catastrophic-thinking-2/) - Yesterday I got in my car, all bright as a button at 6:45 and the gear shift knob was stuck in PARK. It would not budge, even though everything else was working like a car is supposed to work – radio on, lights on, heat pumping and so on. This is not something I
- [Drunken Ghosting](https://wakinguptheghost.com/drunken-ghosting/) - I penned a post about doing the Drunken Disappearing Act a month ago; I was the designated driver a lot during the holidays and it reminded me of how I used to get to a point in the evening where something would click and I’d think, “If I don’t get out of here now
- [What’s the Best Way to Help a Friend Stop Drinking?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/whats-the-best-way-to-help-a-friend-stop-drinking/) - I was having dinner with a friend last weekend and he asked me, “What’s the best way to get a person to stop drinking?” I think we all know someone who is teetering on the edge of alcoholism. I get people asking for advice often – telling me they have a friend who is behaving dangerously, asking
- [New Year’s Blog Stats… STAT!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/new-years-blog-stats-stat/) - Did you know STAT comes from the Latin word “statim,” which means “immediately”? I have never known what it meant in the hospital shows, but I like the way it sounds – important and urgent when a TV doctor demands, “Get the defibrillator STAT! We’re losing him!” Not that I need anything too quickly here – it is
- [California (Drinking) Dreaming…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/california-drinking-dreaming/) - My friends Rae and David are in San Francisco and they have sent me several photographs of themselves in front of famous landmarks. It brought back memories of when I lived there. I think of myself as a ten year alcoholic, but when I look back on my time in San Francisco, it is
- [When Women of a Certain Age Drink](https://wakinguptheghost.com/when-women-of-a-certain-age-drink/) - I was picking up dinner at Bonefish Grill in Ponte Vedra last night, and as I waited by the hostess stand, I had a chance to observe the goings on in the huge, mobbed communal bar. Bonefish is set up so that you can dine privately at tables in one large room, or find
- [Plodding Sobriety](https://wakinguptheghost.com/plodding-sobriety/) - I had dinner with my friend Tall Girl last week. She said, “You really are the epitome of the steps – putting one foot in front of the other. No matter what has happened to you, you just kept plodding along, staying sober… ” I never thought of it that way before, but I
- [The Myth of the High-Functioning Alcoholic](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-myth-of-the-high-functioning-alcoholic/) - I had a great evening last night – a group of us went to see Ambler Hutchinson’s show at Florida Mining Gallery, and then to dinner at India’s restaurant afterwards. It’s to the point now, where old friends talk about my previous grapples with alcoholism casually – the way they might remember a long ago bad
- [Temperance, Abstinence & Gluttony](https://wakinguptheghost.com/temperance-abstinence-gluttony/) - How’s that title for showcasing three of the homeliest words in the English language? A couple of days ago, Alec sent me a Facebook message that read: “Today I was in philosophy class and they defined temperance as the mean between abstinence and gluttony. I thought of you and had to share this“. First of all, I
- [Waking Up the Ghost is Moving to Grand Rapids, Michigan!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/waking-up-the-ghost-is-moving-to-grand-rapids-michigan/) - Are there rapids in Grand Rapids? Maybe I should have researched this more… I don’t really know a lot about Grand Rapids, even though I am from Michigan. But it might be a little late to worry about that now. All my worldly goods are on an eighteen-wheeler heading into a snowstorm and I am
- [Bloom Where You are Planted](https://wakinguptheghost.com/bloom-where-you-are-planted/) - I had a moment of abject panic this morning. I couldn’t find the small, Louis Vuitton suitcase that I packed with every piece of jewelry I own. The pearls Jonathan gave me when Lauren was born, the Hermes bracelets, the ring I bought myself in St. John as a “divorce present,” everything… I remembered I took it
- [Now That I Live in a Church, Can I Still Have Unkind Thoughts?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/now-that-i-live-in-a-church-can-i-still-have-unkind-thoughts/) - Tim S told me to be vigilant: moving is the time when established patterns get thrown to the wayside and routines that have kept me sober in the past are subjugated to the unpacking of a hundred boxes (what is all this stuff???). In the past few days I have not felt the desire
- [Unpacking Memories and Shot Glasses…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/unpacking-memories-and-shot-glasses/) - You know that phenomenon where it seems faster and easier on the return leg of a road trip? I think the same thing applies to moving: I think it’s a lot more fun to unpack than pack. And since I had all my earthly belongings in storage for more than a year, it was simultaneously like Christmas
- [The Remarkable Transformation from Alcoholic to Recovering Alcoholic](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-remarkable-transformation-from-alcoholic-to-recovering-alcoholic/) - I was thinking of those old werewolf movies (the ones before the flattering Twilight series), where an average guy is minding his own business in a dark alley and gets bitten by an infected wolf. He sees a full moon and suddenly hair sprouts from his knuckles, his jaw elongates and he screams as his
- [Feeling Your True Feelings. Ouch.](https://wakinguptheghost.com/feeling-your-true-feelings-ouch/) - I don’t have a mattress. I am sleeping on the Balinese daybed (anyone who has plunked down on it expecting to sink comfortably knows this is self-punishment – it’s stiff as a bed of nails). My king sized bed did not fit in my new apartment and I bought a sleek queen platform, thinking I would
- [Playing Addiction Hide and Seek](https://wakinguptheghost.com/playing-addiction-hide-and-seek/) - Get in a room with a bunch of addicts and mention the fact you used to hide a bottle of plonk behind the Drano in the utility cupboard, and everyone starts nodding like bobble-head dolls on a dashboard. It’s universal I think – this concept of hoarding your poison of choice in a “secure place”. With me
- [The Perils of Mare (no more…)](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-perils-of-mare-no-more/) - I got an incredibly nice message from Rosalind last week. She likened my life to the parts of a book – a trilogy like The Hunger Games, or those books where everybody is battling moving tree stumps and armies on clouds to get the brass ring. Part 1 she says is the cliff-hanger: me tied to the tracks with
- [The Mouse-Eye View of Sobriety](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-mouse-eye-view-of-sobriety/) - I was doing Pilates this morning. I’m feeling like the Tin Woodman with all this cold weather, in need of a can of oil. Anyhoo, as I was contorting on the floor of my den (I guess it’s a den – the-only-room-the-bookcase-fits-in is too obscure, and if I talk about moving the bookcase I’ll
- [Proof of Life](https://wakinguptheghost.com/proof-of-life/) - I spent the weekend away. I learned some things I will be writing about this week (feeling a little sleepy and behind the 8-ball this morning…), and I want to give you a teaser. The things I learned this weekend: How to play pool sober When you read a sign that says, “SEASONAL ROAD NO
- [Mired](https://wakinguptheghost.com/mired/) - Can you tell HOW stuck we are? There are times in life when you have to face the fact you are totally, royally screwed. There is a look you give the person you are with – a nonverbal exchange that says, “There is no easy fix here, we’re going to have to get creative
- [Playing Pool Sober](https://wakinguptheghost.com/playing-pool-sober/) - I was in a bar last Saturday night. A roadhouse without much to commend it – wide open, a surly barmaid, a jar of pickled eggs (does anyone eat those things?), an empty stage and a couple of pool tables. The kind of place where you might cry into your boilermaker. Annie and I
- [Memories in a Leather Coat…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/memories-in-a-leather-coat/) - It’s funny the things that spark a great memory: a smell, a song, the wearing of a coat… The Michigan weather has been (to put it mildly) a challenge since I arrived here five weeks ago. I have dug my car out of two feet of snow, waded through slush, experienced a false spring, determined
- [It’s a Fine St. Paddy’s Day, Begorah!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/its-a-fine-st-paddys-day-begorah/) - I’m lying. As a long time drinker of the white (wine) and with a family heritage of wearing the green on my father’s side, one would think I’d be excited about the fact it’s St. Paddy’s Day. Or that at the very least, I would have a few great stories to tell of my crazy
- [The Rest of My (Sober) Life…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-rest-of-my-sober-life/) - So many Sunday mornings when I was in active addiction, I would wake with a sense of dread. I’d feel hung and a little uneasy about what I had done the night before. There would be this wash of what can only be described as shame – and the overwhelming question, “What are you going to
- [I’m an Athlete Now That I’m Sober!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/im-an-athlete-now-that-im-sober/) - One time Kim was shopping in Ponte Vedra and a friend of ours came up to her and said, “So I hear Marilyn is really an incredible skier. How do you feel about going to Beaver Creek with her?” A few couples had planned a trip and this would be the first time we had
- [On Being the Purple Cow…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/on-being-the-purple-cow/) - Jim Draper “Healing Palm” – check, Eames plywood chairs – check. A great place to do good work! On my way home from hiking Sunday night I was doing one of those things where you wake up driving 80 miles an hour and say aloud to yourself, “I am going to die if I don’t stop
- [Remembering to Be Grateful in Recovery](https://wakinguptheghost.com/remembering-to-be-grateful-in-recovery/) - I was out of sorts yesterday. The weather has taken a turn for the worse here (something I was convinced was going to happen, but still disappointed me when it did). My WordPress training made me anxious. It was conducted at hyper speed and they kept telling me I was “advanced” when (like Algernon before
- [Is it Okay to Lie (Occasionally) in Recovery?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/is-it-okay-to-lie-occasionally-in-recovery/) - It’s Good Friday, and I try to be very honest these days. In fact there are some who say I am brutally honest – telling things that are best left unsaid or swept under a rug. Speaking of which, I have, not once, but twice, taken a sip of my early morning coffee, deep
- [My (Short-Lived) Sober Facebook Love Affair](https://wakinguptheghost.com/my-short-lived-sober-facebook-love-affair/) - You probably already know this, but some guys use Facebook as a dating site. I get Facebook requests for “Friends” and notes from strangers who think my profile picture is “pretty” all the time. I used to agree to all takers for “Friend requests”, thinking I had met them in an online alcohol group or
- [Sober Springtime in Flint](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sober-springtime-in-flint/) - I spent Easter in Flint. I’m from there. The beautiful people were not at Wally’s Supper Club for the brunch buffet. Although, I was probably not at my most bon ton either, tucking into ambrosia salad and kielbasa casserole with a zeal that rivaled the other diners at the all-you-can-eat affair. It occurred to me yesterday morning, when I woke with a
- [The Serenity Prayer – Extended Version](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-serenity-prayer-extended-version/) - I was reading Betty Ford’s Betty: A Glad Awakening and the book taught me something (many things) I did not know. You guys probably all know this, but the Serenity Prayer (which truth be told has always seemed a bit basic to me) does not end where I thought it ended – at the part where
- [Springtime –  For Ellie and Evie.](https://wakinguptheghost.com/springtime-for-ellie-and-evie/) - I have a cold. I have not had a cold in perhaps twenty years. I am not going to blame the Michigan weather for my malady. In fact, when I said something snide and nasal this morning like, “Michigan weather sure keeps you guessing,” I got a lecture from David that in Michigan there are “true seasons” and the
- [April Fool](https://wakinguptheghost.com/april-fool/) - I have never liked April Fool’s Day. I guess I am gullible (or a fool), because I am always the one who says, “Oh my GOD, your cat was run over? There’s a funeral at noon? Of course I’ll be there,” only to have the room bust a gut over how hilarious they all
- [Life Uh… Finds a Way…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/life-uh-finds-a-way/) - I was on a long, cold walk this morning, before the snow storm. All the signs of spring beginning: resilient crocus and daffodils on greening lawns. When I looked out the window and saw the snow coming down afterwards, I tried to remember where I’d seen a field of spring flowers, because I wanted
- [Music Therapy](https://wakinguptheghost.com/music-therapy/) - If you look closely, there are coyote decoys on the shore… I stopped by the office yesterday and when I came out (on my way for a walk) there were small balls of ice falling from the sky. I felt like Henny Penny. I promise I am finished with metaphors and misery about the cold, but ice
- [Many Pathways to Recovery](https://wakinguptheghost.com/many-pathways-to-recovery/) - I’m going to let you in on a little secret: I don’t like rules. Let me rephrase that – I don’t like rules that don’t make sense to me, especially at this stage of the game. I am not defiant (I don’t think) and I am a good listener (if you present yourself well), but
- [Getting On Our Soapbox](https://wakinguptheghost.com/getting-on-our-soapbox/) - This morning my neighbor, who I met in the hall at 5:30 a.m., asked me if I was a “stewardess”. I got all snippy and said, “Do you mean flight attendant?” as if I was one, and felt the need to defend the melting pot of our workforce. I didn’t ask him what he did
- [When You Live on an Island…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/when-you-live-on-an-island/) - April 9, 2016 Grand Rapids, Michigan – look how BLUE the sky! I used to live on an island in the middle of the pretty, blue Exuma Sound. When you live on an island, you have to be resourceful. The running water goes out, so you collect rain water in buckets. The plumbing gets wonky and you
- [When You Wake the Ghost](https://wakinguptheghost.com/when-you-wake-the-ghost/) - Let Sleeping Ghosts Lie – Great Lakes National Cemetery – Holly, Michigan I had a conversation last week, with a young woman who had fallen off the wagon. She said, “I feel so horrible. So guilty. I feel like I have to start all over.” I tried to come up with the right words for her. I know
- [No Excuses Only Reasons](https://wakinguptheghost.com/no-excuses-only-reasons/) - I got a phone message from an old friend of mine last night. I haven’t spoken to him for several years and I have to admit I am kind of embarrassed to reconnect. He is the guy who taught me how to lie effectively (keep it simple, keep it close to the truth) and I feel
- [The Weather and “Drinking Days”](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-weather-and-drinking-days/) - In The Bahamas they call bad weather “drinking days”. Bad weather is rare in The Bahamas, so I am not sure how they explain the rampant alcoholism on their balmy shores, but that’s another blog post. I have always thought of squally days as the perfect time to curl up with a good book, a
- [Sober City Parks](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sober-city-parks/) - Park distractions… does the woman on the right look serious enough to be a Marine? She is out of formation and appears to be giggling… I finally hooked up with a women’s walking group this weekend in Riverside Park (“thanks” Jan, for setting it up). Riverside Park has a wide sidewalk and it runs along a
- [The Kittens and The Beaver](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-kittens-and-the-beaver/) - One upon a time, there were two little kittens who lived in a den on a cold river with a spinster beaver named Rodentia. You may wonder why the kittens don’t live in a basket like other kittens and play with balls of yarn or sharpen their claws on couch arms all day. You may wonder
- [Today You Will Stop Drinking!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/today-you-will-stop-drinking/) - Every morning of my adult life, I have woken up and given myself instructions that I almost never follow. “Today you will only eat leafy greens.” I mandate or “You are going to push your cuticles back in the shower.” I don’t know why I do it. It’s like I set myself up to fail. For
- [When Old Friends Make Amends](https://wakinguptheghost.com/when-old-friends-make-amends/) - So I ended up talking to the old friend I was scared to talk to. He said he had been trying to find me and Goggled “Marilyn Spiller”. Then he read and watched and looked at the photos (with what he described as equal parts “horror” and “fascination”) depicting what I have been doing since last we
- [You Can’t UNLEARN to Ride a Bike – The Explanation for Alcoholism](https://wakinguptheghost.com/you-cant-unlearn-to-ride-a-bike-the-explanation-for-alcoholism/) - It’s a beautiful spring Sunday and I have started to get to know a group of active women in recovery in Grand Rapids. They have the “Riverside Ramble”, a 4 mile walk on Saturday mornings; planned bike trips to the farmer’s market 20 miles from town; and impromptu hikes in various parks. I’m a multi-tasker,
- [Are You Anonymous?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/are-you-anonymous/) - I re-watched Anonymous People last night. Is it just me or does it need an update? It reminded me of the conversations I have had recently with folks who are new to sobriety and full of piss and vinegar. They talk about how they plan to tell the world they are sober and proud. I always
- [Moderation and Natural Exercise – I’m Going to Live to 100!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/moderation-and-natural-exercise-im-going-to-live-to-100/) - I walked to work this morning. At 5:30 AM – and I watch Criminal Minds. I probably looked like the priest in the Exorcist: a long black coat, a rosary dangling, my arms laden with heavy, black bags. As if I were going to knock on one of the doors of the big, dark houses and
- [Mare’s “Drunken Movie” Review: Burnt](https://wakinguptheghost.com/mares-drunken-movie-review-burnt/) - This title is tricky to punctuate. Without the quotes, you might think I am giving a movie review while drunk. But I am not. I am giving a review about a move with drunkenness as the subject matter. Have you noticed how many movies involve drinking in one way or another? And that it
- [Sobriety is a Gas…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sobriety-is-a-gas/) - I have heard that the best way to get acclimated after moving to a new city is to “overbook” all the interesting things that have been suggested for you to do. The theory is that you are so busy, you forget to be lonely and you meet new people and can always cut out the
- [A Life Without Hangovers](https://wakinguptheghost.com/a-life-without-hangovers/) - For a couple of years before I quit drinking I walked around with a continuous, low-grade hangover (when I didn’t have a top-of-the-line hangover). Which is weird, because I hate the feeling and a hangover is preventable. That salty taste in the back of the mouth, the shakes, the sensation that someone big is pressing a knuckle
- [4 Simple Sober Things](https://wakinguptheghost.com/4-simple-sober-things/) - I suppose it is simplistic to say that addiction impacts one’s quality of life. When I was pounding chardonnay, I found it hard to negotiate or associate or relate (at the risk of sounding like Jesse Jackson) to anything but the next drink. It’s as if my periphery narrowed; life was lived within the confines of a wine glass… One of
- [Getting Around…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/getting-around/) - Guana Reserve here I come! Kim says I’m really getting around these days. I guess that’s true, although I don’t feel much like the hobnobber I used to be. I am sitting here with my bags packed – heading to Jacksonville for Mother’s Day, so that’s something. I am certainly happy to be seeing the kids
- [Sober House Guest/Great House Guest?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sober-house-guestgreat-house-guest/) - I was in Jacksonville for the weekend. I think I am kind of an annoying house guest. Although my most exasperating qualities are always coupled with a sincere desire to help or an endearing show of excitement, so you can’t get too irritated with me. Kind of like those Sour Patch Kids Commercials. For example, I woke
- [Recovery Missteps I Have Known](https://wakinguptheghost.com/recovery-missteps-i-have-known/) - You know how when you first get sober, you try to replace all the bad things you did with good things? I once had a psychiatrist tell me, “Replace alcohol with good addictions,” and to this day I resent it. I don’t know why it rubbed me the wrong way, but it did. Butterfly
- [Back to (Sober) School…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/back-to-sober-school/) - Do you remember when Adam Sandler was funny and he did that movie Billy Madison? “Back to school. Back to school.To prove to Dad that I’m not a fool…” That’s me – back to school at the Recovery Coach Academy (CCAR) . Once again I am grateful to Sanford House for affording me this
- [Sober in The Bahamas? Really?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sober-in-the-bahamas-really/) - I have a confession to make: I am a little afraid to go back to The Bahamas. It’s the land of “wine for breakfast” and “every day’s a holiday,” after all. I was looking through some old photographs this weekend, and I was back in Blue Heaven – I could smell the rust and salt.
- [Tricking Yourself Sober – GO LEFT!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tricking-yourself-sober-go-left/) - I have two stories about going left, and one conclusion: Story One I was in a therapy group one time, and a woman said that if she was driving down the street toward her house and the light was green on a certain street, she’d “go left” and drive past the ABC Liquor store. Of
- [Sometimes You Wanna Go Where Nobody Knows You’re An Alcoholic…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sometimes-you-wanna-go-where-nobody-knows-youre-an-alcoholic/) - This is not my cousin’s party tent – I forgot my phone – but it was like this, only with lots of people. White pants are the “thing” for spring by the way… The old “Cheers” theme song, set in the neighborhood bar, crooned, “Sometimes you wanna go where everyone knows your name…” I guess
- [Sober Summer? There is No “Good” Time to Quit Drinking](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sober-summer-there-is-no-good-time-to-quit-drinking/) - When I knew I had to quit drinking, and before I did, I used to have excellent reasons to put off the inevitable. I’d start thinking about getting sober after January 1st, because you can’t possibly quit drinking during the holidays: what about red wine at Thanksgiving and mimosas Christmas morning? It’s a tradition.
- [Naturally Sober](https://wakinguptheghost.com/naturally-sober/) - The grandeur of Lake Michigan – Grand Haven, MI “He was mastered by the sheer surging of life, the tidal wave of being, the perfect joy of each separate muscle, joint, and sinew in that it was everything that was not death, that it was aglow and rampant, expressing itself in movement, flying exultantly under
- [Sitting In a Bar in PR (Sober) – This is How I Feel](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sitting-in-a-bar-in-pr-sober-this-is-how-i-feel/) - The economy of Puerto Rico is worse than not good. I heard a lot about it from Gabby last night over beers at a seaside bar called La Pescaderia. I’ve been there before – in fact it is my favorite hangout in Puerto Rico. I always love to hear things from the source, and
- [AA’s Axiom “One Step at a Time” is NOT a Cliché](https://wakinguptheghost.com/aas-axiom-one-step-at-a-time-is-not-a-cliche/) - The top of the hill. It’s like childbirth – once it’s done you forget the pain… NOT. I have never thought the simplistic AA aphorisms, “one day at time” or “one step at a time” were trite or cliché. I am reminded almost every day, that the journey from addiction to recovery is made in small,
- [Recovery Information Overload – Can I Just Take a Pill?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/recovery-information-overload-can-i-just-take-a-pill/) - Okay people, do I take a pill to end the alcohol cravings and life becomes a joyride forever? Or do maintenance drugs work only when coupled with therapy and an earnest attempt at lifelong abstinence? Does “connection” stop me from becoming addicted to heroin? Or is anything I take for back pain a gateway to street drugs? Am
- [Plow Horse Therapy](https://wakinguptheghost.com/plow-horse-therapy/) - I’m not talking about Equine Therapy, folks. A few weeks ago, I was at an old-fashioned country fair in Ellsworth, Michigan and they had what was billed as a “horse pull” in a park on the outskirts of town. If you have never seen a horse pull before, it involves teams of enormous, draft horses;
- [So I’m Beachside in This Tiki Bar…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/so-im-beachside-in-this-tiki-bar/) - So, I’m beachside in this tiki bar and a huge tumbler of chardonnay goes by; the waiter can barely carry it. The thing is so big and heavy, the liquid shifts side to side in his hand like waves – coming just to the top of the frosted glass without spilling. Kim sees it too, and gives
- [The Universal Bugaboo of Addiction – Alone Time](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-universal-bugaboo-of-addiction-alone-time/) - Alone in a field of barley or wheat or something pretty… Edgetts Lodge I have been asking people lately, what are the situations and locations you feel most inclined to use addictive substances? What are the smells and sights and sounds that emotionally trigger you? As you can imagine, I am a lot of fun
- [8 Reasons to Give a Wide Berth to the Summer Booze Cruise…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/8-reasons-to-give-a-wide-berth-to-the-summer-booze-cruise/) - I didn’t realize it was the first time I had been on a boat since I’ve been sober, until I was on a boat looking at the big white cooler that, on most watercraft, holds cold beer and wine… It was the first time in three years I was going for a boat ride that wasn’t a
- [Sober Meltdown #19](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sober-meltdown-19/) - I made up that number. But I’ve had a few meltdowns over the past three years. It seems that with each new season of my sobriety, I go great guns and then (as guns are want to do) I detonate and fizzle and as Dee’s grandma used to say, “take to my bed”. The last
- [Recovery Question Number 1: Are You Happy?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/recovery-question-number-1-are-you-happy/) - Last night on the phone (after we dealt with yet another unintelligible crisis in her young life) Ellie asked me, “Miss Marilyn, are you happy?” I think that may be my new favorite interview question. It stopped me in my tracks. Recently, I have gotten comments from people who tell me my life in recovery finally
- [Hey Siri, I Am NOT My Addiction](https://wakinguptheghost.com/hey-siri-i-am-not-my-addiction/) - I saw Kevin from Recovery Allies yesterday. I went to the impressive, Equine Coaching ranch called One Neigh at a Time, and after second guessing Siri and David’s hand drawn map and getting lost (hey Siri, I know I didn’t turn where you told me to turn before, but am I supposed to be on a one
- [Why are so Many People Overdosing on Opioids?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/why-are-so-many-people-overdosing-on-opioids/) - Do you remember the overdose scene in Pulp Fiction where the guy shoves a needle into Mia’s heart and she does that freaky, bride of Frankenstein gasp and opens her eyes? Sanford House staff were being trained by an organization called the Red Project, to manage an opioid overdose with a drug called Naloxone, and Al said, “Is
- [Training My Brain to Think Positive…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/training-my-brain-to-think-positive/) - I was thinking about how easy it is to go from positive to negative thoughts. It’s almost like a default with me. Everything coming up roses? Focus on the dirt. I am actually training myself to think in a positive manner, by doing some brain exercises at work. We are implementing My Brain Solutions and I
- [The Degrees of Gratefulness…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-degrees-of-gratefulness/) - Do you ever think to yourself, “Ok, I did some lousy stuff when I was drinking, but just how much do I have to atone for my bad behavior, and for how much longer?” I mean I’m not the only one who was prideful or wasteful or an unpleasant drunk, right? Enough is enough –
- [Found on Facebook – 5 Ways to Explain the Drunk Years…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/found-facebook-explain-drunk-years/) - Whatever happened to unlisted phone numbers and secrets? I heard from an old boyfriend the other day. Does anybody else get Facebook private messages, where people you haven’t heard from in years start a conversation without preamble? I have now had every past relationship of merit check in with me on social media. It reminds me
- [Marking 3 Years of Sober Bliss…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/marking-3-years-of-sober-bliss/) - My husband used to enumerate at cocktail parties, the number of years of “wedded bliss” we had endured. With his English accent and studied, straight face it was obvious he was being ironic. We had some great times, but it was not all familial rapture: no marriage is without its ups and downs. I was never
- [Gratefulness, Optimism and Positive Thinking – The Trifecta of Wellbeing](https://wakinguptheghost.com/gratefulness-optimism-positive-thinking/) - I think, for the most part, I am a positive person. I have been reading lately, about the power of positivity (nothing new), and how optimism impacts recovery from addiction. When you get out from under the obvious negatives of substance use and look at the positive aspects of a sober life, there is a marked increase in long term success. It
- [Why are Weddings Triggers for Alcoholics?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/weddings-triggers-alcoholics/) - Remember the movie where Sandra Bullock gets drunk at her sister’s wedding, steals the limo and crashes into a house? I am going to a wedding today, and I do not intend to do that. Nor do I expect to drink up the dregs of liquor left by tablemates when they get up to dance. I won’t go to
- [Advanced Recovery – The Greening of the Ghost…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/greening-ghost-sober/) - I have been in Grand Rapids for exactly six months. I arrived in the middle of a snow storm, like the girl in the opening act of a Broadway musical. 42nd Street or A Chorus Line – my suitcase full of sweaters, bauble hats and high hopes. The glove box free of screw top, wine shooters and Slim Jim
- [The Four Hour Benchmark – Partying Sober](https://wakinguptheghost.com/four-hour-benchmark-partying-sober/) - I was always a good four hour drinker. If I had a glass of wine or two getting ready and a roadie for liquid courage, I’d arrive at the party with a little buzz and about four hours until the witching hour, when I sneaked out the back door. I was famous for ghosting. I’d hit that
- [The Days of Wine and Contusions…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/wine-contusions/) - Brenda responded to one of my blog posts by saying, “I always drink club soda, because I like staying in control at all times.” That’s not something you hear every day on a sobriety blog. I think most heavy drinkers love the feeling of being out of control. The photo above is how I saw the
- [No More Sippy-Cup Full of Booze on the Beach Hike](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sippycup-booze-hike/) - I was speaking with someone new to recovery the other day. Per usual, I was telling her that being out in nature and getting physical exercise was a great way to stay sober. I went on to say that hiking or kayaking or even going for a long stroll on the beach was an excellent way
- [Excuse Me Madam, There’s a Monkey on Your Back…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/monkey-back-addiction/) - Nice monkey… I think it’s universal that people who are in active addiction feel a sense of urgency. There is always the need for “more”. It’s why we hide wine bottles in winter boots. It’s why we look around sheepishly, and polish off the dregs of other people’s drinks while they are in the bathroom. There is
- [Living Sober on the Other Side of the World…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/living-sober-other-side-world/) - One of the things that has been wonderful about getting sober, is meeting new people online from around the planet. I have readers in 32 countries. Isn’t it incredible, when you think about the reach of the internet? I think of myself as a student of the world. I’ve been around. And when my friend Lotta Dann, who
- [There is no Place for Thin Skin in Recovery!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/9424-2/) - Have you ever had a person say something to you jokingly, and it’s kind of mean, but funny? And you let it slide like a boss, because you know how to laugh at yourself? But years later you still think about it every once in a while? I remember a long time ago, I was wearing a
- [Clubs That Would Have Me as a Member…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/im-not-as-green-as-i-am-cabbage-looking/) - I am usually kind of like Groucho Marx. “I don’t want to belong to any club that would accept me as one of its members.” And let’s not forget I am a Marketing Director, with mad social media skills. I’m a Hubspot graduate. I know that every time you create a “Best Of” blog post, it drives traffic to your website.
- [How a Storm in New Zealand Impacts My Sobriety in Michigan…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/surfers-do-it-standing-up-and-sober/) - There is a group in Jacksonville called the Saltwater Cowgirls who partner with my friends at Lakeview Health. They call it surf therapy: providing lessons in surfing and life for the residents in addiction treatment at Lakeview. I lived on the ocean in Jacksonville Beach, but I have never surfed. I am not a strong swimmer,
- [Exploring Sober Life in Fields of Poison Ivy…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/exploring-sober-life-fields-poison-ivy/) - I yack all the time about getting out and exploring in recovery. “Hike,” I say with conviction. “Fill your hands with a camera and your head with passion for something rigorous.” Climb a mountain, snowshoe across an unmarred wilderness! Take the path less traveled by! Adventuring Without Pepper Spray… The photo above was taken when
- [Memories – Like an Alcoholic’s Storage Space…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/storage-spaces/) - Sing it to the tune of, “The Way We Were“. I was back in Jacksonville for a long weekend. I was reconnecting with my loved ones, helping my daughter Lauren move, and cleaning out one of my storage spaces. There is something metaphorical about spending the day in a place where the things you kind of want, but
- [I Was Walking Down the Street Sober…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/walking-street-sober/) - I was walking with a friend of mine after work last night. He’s in recovery too – about the same length of time as me. We have both been sober long enough to have gotten past the acute, cravings stage, but recent enough to remember what it was like to have them. If you saw
- [Sigh – As Autumn Leaves Fall I’m SAD…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sigh-as-autumn-leaves-fall-im-s-a-d/) - Winds in the east, mist coming in, Like somethin’ is brewin’ and bout to begin. Can’t put me finger on what lies in store, But I fear what’s to happen all happened before… I don’t actually have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). I have some version of old fashioned melancholia, I think. The exquisite, nostalgia of autumn in a
- [The Remarkable, Rubberlike Resilience of the Alcoholic](https://wakinguptheghost.com/remarkable-rubberlike-resilience-alcoholic/) - I saw the movie “The Girl on the Train” twice last week. I had read the book – it was a gift from my dear friend Nick, who is not alive anymore to give me gifts, so it has special meaning. Special meaning too, as the main character is a female alcoholic. It would be
- [Recovery Time Management – Am I Really THAT Busy?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/time-management-really-that-busy/) - My young friend Ellie asked me if I was still going to help people get sober. She said my new blog format was so professional looking, she thought I was getting out of the booze-busting business. Actually she didn’t use the term “booze-busting”. She did remind me that I made a difference in her dad’s
- [All or Nothing: Alcohol, Sugar, Coffee, Exercise Addiction](https://wakinguptheghost.com/all-nothing-alcohol-sugar-coffee-addiction/) - I made it through Halloween without eating a single piece of candy. I did eat a fortune cookie, which hinted I was going to meet an “important stranger who would change my life”, but fortune cookies don’t count. They don’t have any more sugar in them than toothpaste… If I had eaten any real candy, it
- [Older Women – Is It Ever Too Late for Recovery?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/older-women-too-late-recovery/) - I’ll say it – one of the most vilified demographics is the older woman. Especially if she dares to be sexual, current or aggressive in business. I recently read a blog by a 20 something who admonished women over the age of 40 for wearing hoop earrings. Seriously? We aren’t allowed to wear hoop earrings?
- [I Who Have Nothing (Oh, Get Over Yourself)…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/i-who-have-nothing-get-over-yourself/) - I’m hung over. It was my birthday yesterday and the darling people I work with brought cupcakes. There were four left, in the baker’s box, for me to take home last night. I won’t disgust you with the details… The sugar settled in my joints and eyelids, and when I got up this morning, I felt puffy
- [Is Finding Your Passion the Key to Addiction Recovery?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/passion-key-addiction-recovery/) - We’ve been talking about passion at work recently. Not around-the-water-cooler gossip about weekend liaisons. But the kind of passion that has you up at 6 AM testing out your hiking boots and waiting for the sun to come up. Or waking like a kid on Christmas, remembering you got those new paints and brushes. Being so excited about an
- [The Amazing Lack of URGENCY to My Sobriety…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/amazing-lack-urgency-my-sobriety/) - Imagine That… Imagine that. My daughter Lauren and her boyfriend John were visiting from Florida. I spent my downtime last week preparing for their coming. Groceries were purchased and I filled the pantry with canned goods. I did not want them to think I live on Skinny Pop and blackberries. Or that I would not
- [Thank You, Thank You, Thank You, Thank You (for Ellie)…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/thank-you-thank-you-thank-you-thank-you-for-ellie/) - I was sitting in the dry cleaner’s parking lot yesterday and my young friend Ellie called me. I don’t hear from her much these days. It feels like there is something missing in my life, like I forgot the pearls I was going to wear on the kitchen table. Or there is a needful thing in the pocket
- [A Snowplow and the “It’s Better Than Drinking” Addictions…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/snowplow-better-than-drinking-addictions/) - I woke up this morning feeling like myself. I’ve been tired the last few days. Feeling “like myself”means my eyes spring open at 4:30 AM with an idea like a LED projector light over my head. This morning it was, sit up zombie style (I can go flat to sitting, rolling up vertebrae by vertebrae – Pilates
- [Is it Easier to Be Sober in a Warm or Cold Climate?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/easier-sober-warm-cold-climate/) - I’ve spent a lot of time in The Bahamas and Russia. Florida and Michigan. All of those places seem to be fueled by alcohol. I have been drunk in all of them and watched others be drunk too. In tiki-huts on the Exuma Sound, in a gondola on a St Petersburg canal (with a brown paper bag…). At Irish/Polish funerals in
- [Is Anyone Grateful EVERY Day? Can I Get a Recap?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/anyone-grateful-every-day-recap/) - I’m not finished with 2016 yet. I feel the need to recap or amalgamate or conclude. So many positive things happened this year (last year?) and I don’t feel like I’ve been properly grateful. Because it’s not like I am thankful every day for the resurrection I have experienced. I’ve been kind of busy. And
- [Procrastination, Self Sabotage and Other Bad Things…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/procrastination-self-sabotage-bad-things/) - I joined the Grand Rapids YMCA two months ago. I just went for the first time (after 3 payments of $55) yesterday. My school of thought about exercise regimens has always been, “Do not turn up for Pilates class until you have lost 5 pounds or are an expert at Pilates.” I wouldn’t want to start an
- [The Cat Died “Thing” is Kind of Like How I Got Sober…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/how-i-got-sober/) - I woke up thinking about an assignment I got at the Writers in Paradise Conference three years ago. The assignment was to write a paragraph that began and ended with the words, “the cat died.” We had ten minutes to finish. It was the first time I realized my creativity has limits. In other words, I am
- [Blue Skies Smilin’ at Me, Nothing But Blue Skies Do I See… for Ellie](https://wakinguptheghost.com/blue-skies-addiction-recovery/) - Ellie told me a story last night. A vignette about her sister Evie, who was mentoring a group of three-year olds at their school. She said Evie asked one little girl, “What color is an apple?” The little girl said, “Red.” Evie said, “Good. What color is the grass?” “Green!” said the little girl. Evie
- [When All Else Fails, Ask Yourself, “Is the Plane Still Flying?”](https://wakinguptheghost.com/when-fails-ask-yourself-plane-still-flying/) - I got an email yesterday from Johnny, with some good advice. He didn’t say it, but I think he was responding to my most recent blog posts. They have not been happy-chappy, exclamatory or even particularly positive. I have not been a champion of recovery lately. I have had a case of the January blues.
- [What Do the Sober Folk Do?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/what-do-the-sober-folk-do/) - To help them escape when they’re blue? In the old musical Camelot, Guinevere sings a little ditty about being sad. I can’t remember why she’s sad – something to do with cuckolding her husband and a war raging… Anyway, she is feeling blue, which is an unfamiliar sensation, and together with the king she warbles the heartfelt (yet condescending) question, “What
- [Yes Virginia, I Was a “Highly Functioning Alcoholic” (HFA)](https://wakinguptheghost.com/high-function-alcoholic-fallacy/) - A few years ago, I co-owned a contemporary art gallery called Spiller Vincenty in Jacksonville, Florida. I had all the trappings of success. Although the most “Vincenty” and I got out of the venture was some great art, an opening outfit or two and several exciting “art buying” trips to Moscow, Santa Fe and London. There was
- [It’s a Sign From Above to Quit Drinking (or Duck)!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sign-above-quit-drinking-duck/) - It’s spring in Michigan and I work in one of those old buildings that have trouble shifting from winter steam heat to AC. And it’s been so gorgeous outside, that natural air is what I’m after. So, I tried to open my office window. But, I work in one of those old buildings that have storm
- [Have I Forgotten What It’s Like to be New to Sobriety?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/forgotten-new-sobriety/) - I was walking with someone new to recovery this week. My mother gave me a pink canister of pepper spray for Easter, so I feel safer early morning Grand Rapids. We start out at dawn and some of the back streets are dark. Bitter Pill to Suck On… There is a look people have when
- [How Do You Challenge Yourself? Is It Always Painful?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/how-challenge-yourself-always-painful/) - I have talked about this before, but I climb a set of stairs in Grand Rapids for exercise. It is part of what Craig and I call, “David’s Loop” – a walk that begins in front of David’s house, down the hill into town, over a bridge and past the statue of Jerry Ford in the
- [The Personal Wine Cooler – Is Booze in the Closet Ever a Good Idea?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-personal-wine-cooler/) - I spent a lot of the first year after I got divorced in the closet. For some reason, it felt safe for me to sit on the floor of my walk-in with a bottle of plonk and get quietly drunk, while inventorying my shoes. It’s funny, but I’ve heard a number of women in recovery say…
- [Over-Drinking – It’s All Fun Till Someone Runs Over a Bunny…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/overdrinking-alcoholism-results/) - There is what can only be described as a “bunny infestation” in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Cute, little rabbits are living in the middle of the city. Like foxes in London or baby alligators in Jacksonville, these creatures are lovable oddities until you have to get out of your car after a long day at the office
- [Summer Concert Going – Drunk Vs. Sober](https://wakinguptheghost.com/summer-concert-going-drunk-vs-sober/) - I went to a free concert at Meijer Gardens on the 4th of July with Cindy. She seems to be witnessing a few of my sober “firsts”. This time, it was at an outdoor, camp-chair, picnic basket kind of concert. I haven’t been to one of those sober before. In fact, an outdoor concert (once I recced the
- [Is Change Good For Addiction Recovery?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/change-good-addiction-recovery/) - We’re moving offices. I am sitting with stacked boxes, furniture with yellow dots and Halloween decorations too big to package (don’t ask) waiting for the movers to arrive. It’s early, and I’ve been thinking about the positive aspects of change. Especially for those of us in recovery. Cha cha cha changes… Moving brings out the unique personality
- [When the BIG Decision is Prompted By Something Small](https://wakinguptheghost.com/when-the-big-decision-is-prompted-by-something-small/) - In the end, the reason I decided to move was because of a shower curtain rod. There were lots of reasons I can list, now that the decision is made, for leaving my apartment. It was expensive. Especially given its (admittedly groovy) industrial, proletariat vibe. I never saw anyone in the halls and isolation is not good for my
- [I Forget the Last Time I Forgot…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/i-forget-the-last-time-i-forgot/) - I was driving around yesterday, picking up obscure items like those things you stick to the floor of slippery tubs so you don’t fall while taking a shower and knock yourself out and drown. I saw a sign on a billboard on 28th Street. The sign read, “I Forget the Last Time I Forgot”. Brain
- [What Did You Do On Your (Sober) Summer Vacation?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/summer-sober-vacation/) - A few short years ago, the month of August would have been like every other month. I would have woken in a tangle of sheets, maybe bloody (certainly besmirched) with nausea rising in my throat and no memory of how I got the abrasions on my knees. Read it and weep… I’d reach over to
- [The 7 Reasons Recovering Alcoholics Drink Club Soda](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-7-reasons-recovering-alcoholics-drink-club-soda/) - Laura was sitting on the couch watching Orange is the New Black with Lauren and me, and there was an AA meeting scene (one of the inmates had gotten a little too dependent on her handmade moonshine). Laura turned to me and asked, “Why do you guys drink Club Soda? I mean is there a reason
- [Four Years Sober – Four Things I Know For Sure](https://wakinguptheghost.com/four-years-sober-four-things-i-know-for-sure/) - My four year sober anniversary came in like a lamb. I only remembered it, because Lauren sent me a text to congratulate me. And other than being a mother (and for a while a wife) I haven’t maintained interest in many things for four years straight, so I should have been jazzed. Maybe the milestone fizzled
- [If at First You Don’t Succeed, Fix Your Ponytail and Try Again…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/if-at-first-you-dont-succeed-fix-your-ponytail-and-try-again/) - I am still sore from last weekend. I was in Jacksonville for four days. Two of those days started with a boot camp, exercise class with my daughter, Lauren (see big tires in photo above…) at Delta Life Fitness. Exercise and Recovery… The class began with a couple of laps around a parking lot and took place
- [Oh My GOD, am I a Glutton???](https://wakinguptheghost.com/oh-my-god-am-i-a-glutton/) - Google “gluttony” and you will thank me for this pretty depiction… I had one of those moments yesterday where a word just pops into my mind and I can’t get it out until I look it up and make sure it’s the exact word to describe the exact feeling I’m feeling. You know what I
- [Why do I get the impression you pity me?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/pity-alcoholism-waking-up-theghost/) - I heard from another long lost friend this week. Whenever someone from my past contacts me they say, “You just popped up on my computer.” As if my details appear randomly in their ad column on Facebook. (Like the pair of suede boots you were checking out on Zappos that materialize in your feed for weeks
- [Weathering the Storms…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/alcoholism-weathering-storms/) - I am on vacation in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula while most of my loved ones and all my most memorable stomping grounds are in the eye of a storm. My son Jonathan has been chased by Irma from Tampa to Blue Ridge, Georgia. Kim is laid-up in Jacksonville while several of her roofs lifted off their
- [Read the Signs: Turbulent Water! Violent Waves!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/read-signs-turbulent-water-violent-wave-alcoholisms/) - The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead When the skies of November turn gloomy… Gordon Lightfoot It would not have been a trip to Marquette without thinking of the time my brother almost got swept off a break wall there, during a storm. A couple of days ago I said the UP
- [Surrounded – When your Loved Ones Still Drink](https://wakinguptheghost.com/surrounded-loved-ones-still-drink/) - I keep thinking about an email I got from a reader last week. Let’s call her Sharon. Her spouse is a (problem) drinker and has no intention of quitting. And the guy insists she doesn’t have a problem either. What to do when it seems like everyone around you drinks? Sharon has been trying for
- [“Buying” the Sober Life (With the Proper Packaging)](https://wakinguptheghost.com/buying-sober-life-packaging-recovery/) - I bought a new pot of face cream. The package promised to “erase fine lines in a week,” which is great because it’s my birthday today and I wanted to have a wrinkle-free face by that milestone… The Quick Fix… I mean, I actually bought the cream – $37.99 – because the box said it
- [It’s a Dangerous World Out There, People…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/dangerous-world-people/) - I went to CPR training/certification last week. I felt a bit anxious as the trainer painstakingly itemized all the unfortunate things that can happen to a person. In the video, after someone cut themselves with glass or collapsed while ordering coffee at a kiosk, there was always someone who stepped forward. They would hold up
- [Alcohol Recovery Management or How to Trick Your Own Brain…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/recovery-management-trick-brain/) - I just read an article by William White about the difference between Relapse Prevention (RP) and Recovery Management (RM). In a nut shell, he opines that one focuses on “deficits and vulnerabilities” and the other on “assets”. RP implies we are running from monsters (waking up the ghost?). RM suggests we are “being positively drawn
- [The Mothers of Addiction](https://wakinguptheghost.com/mothers-loved-ones-addiction/) - When my son was a toddler, a resourceful mother bird built a nest in the tree outside his bedroom window. It was stressful for both of us to watch. The sparrows built their nest during a Florida wind storm. And because they took up residence in our tree, we felt responsible. We’d sit on the
- [An Alcoholic Walks Into a Pain Doc’s Office…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/an-alcoholic-walks-into-a-pain-docs-office/) - Lest you think I am starting the new year with a bad attitude, I’m here to tell you I woke up full of piss and vinegar. That could be because I am actually on steroids. I went to an orthopedic surgeon yesterday, convinced I had bone cancer, only to find that the radiating pain in
- [Predicting Alcoholism – When Does Choice Becomes Reliance?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/predicting-alcoholism-when-does-choice-becomes-reliance/) - Wouldn’t it be great if you could have a divining rod that foreshadowed alcoholism? It would start shaking when a person was about to hit the point of no return – that moment when over-drinking morphs into reliance. I can picture some modern day Carrie Nation entering a pub, water-witching her way along the bar.
- [Eat, Drink, Binge, Guzzle..](https://wakinguptheghost.com/eat-drink-binge-guzzle/) - I think it makes sense that 50% of people who have eating disorders also have a co-occurring substance use disorder. I used to fall asleep with the remains of my wine glass on my night stand. Now, it’s often a cute little bin of ICE CUBES gum, or the remains of my soupçon of TV
- [Where is the JOY? Does Addiction Sap Feelings Forever?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/joy-addiction-sap-feelings/) - I was at a Families Against Narcotics (FAN) meeting several months ago. It was a cold, miserable night and the room was full of folks who had lost a loved one to addiction and overdose. The topic was processing grief. The room was bursting with the collective swell of tears and regret and rage… Where
- [Recovery Pitfalls – Are They Self-Fulfilling Prophecies?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/recovery-pitfalls-are-they-self-fulfilling-prophecies/) - I got the most gorgeous email from DZ a couple of weeks ago. Gorgeous because the voice was so raw. And the picture she painted so vivid I could actually taste cheap white wine. DZ was in the middle of a craving that was “surging up and down her solar plexus and choking her out”. She
- [Boy Did this Little Wine Bottle Take Me Back…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/take-me-back-addiction/) - Day 1: I did a quick run to the drugstore a few mornings ago. My favorite corner Walgreens – I go there almost every day. It’s the place I buy my gassy water and Ice Cubes gum (and benignly yen for sweet-n’-cheap in the wine isle). The go-to where (at the worst of times these
- [Moving the Shot Glass Collection Again…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/moving-shot-glass-collection-recovery/) - I told Christine that I had just experienced the “move from hell.” She said, “Your last move was ‘the move from hell’ wasn’t it?” Which is kind of true, but also made me feel like my horrible moves are somehow my fault. As if I don’t have the moxie to pack my own belongings, or the
- [It’s Not About Getting Sober So Much as STAYING Sober…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/get-sober-stay-sober/) - I’m on the road, visiting addiction treatment centers and talking to professionals from every job description in the addiction field. What strikes me more than anything else is the diversity, the options one has to get and stay sober. Everything from white knuckled, twice a day AA, self policing; to 90 days or more in the
- [Put Down the Camera and Enjoy Your Sobriety Real-Time…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/put-down-the-camera-and-enjoy-your-sobriety-real-time/) - By looking into the photos on my phone I can see that I am walking in the woods… …Marilyn. Recently, I have noticed I am so busy trying to capture how awesome I have become, now that I’m sober, my phone or camera seems to get a better experience than I do. It started with the
- [Don’t You Want Your Badass Friends to be Sober?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/dont-you-want-your-badass-friends-to-be-sober/) - Kim sent me an aphorism this weekend. It was about the kind of friend I am – a cowgirl, blasting through a door with a shovel and a plan. I am that kind of friend and I have always been good in an emergency. The adage also mentions whiskey and the fact that some friends
- [Happy, Happy, Happy Sober](https://wakinguptheghost.com/happy-happy-happy-sober/) - I work in a women’s addiction treatment center. But I don’t actually work there. You will remember photographs of my office, with the uber-chic Eames plywood side chairs (a double treat for any office because they are beautiful and sculptural but also nothing anyone would want to lounge on and chitchat for long…). I do get
- [I’m Angry](https://wakinguptheghost.com/im-angry/) - I was waxing with someone at work about the fact I never get angry any more and David walked by and said, “What about Lloyd?” I’ll admit I did bring my moving woes to work (I don’t think you are supposed to do that, but he was such an ass…). I don’t mean I don’t
- [Choosing Your Friends Wisely in Recovery](https://wakinguptheghost.com/choosing-your-friends-wisely-in-recovery/) - Where’s Waldo? Yoga class at the Lakeview Health Professional’s Weekend last year… I am often surprised and moved by a single, simple sentence. I was talking to Kristin yesterday and she was telling me about her positive experiences with yoga. I know yoga is good for many things, including centering the breathing and the mind
- [Snow Day…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/snow-day/) - Seriously? I was thinking a blizzard was a good excuse to not write a blog post this morning. I had bigger fish to fry. There was a wall of snow behind my car where the latenight plow cleaned my parking lot and I had to do a sort of highland jig: stamping and kicking to
- [Building a Sober Life (Out of Bricks)](https://wakinguptheghost.com/building-a-sober-life-out-of-bricks/) - I have a Facebook friend named David. He has a pet rabbit and looks a bit like Ira Glass (a look I will admit I admire…) and he voices his opinion on the blog occasionally. I do not know how he became a “friend”, but he seems wise and although we have not spoken of
- [Pity Party: Self-Sabotage in Recovery](https://wakinguptheghost.com/pity-party-self-sabotage-in-recovery/) - Original Oil (and one of my all time favorites) by Jim Draper It is rare for me to feel a lack of confidence. Not the passing fancy, I am probably a little old to wear strategically shredded jeans lack of confidence, but the kind of bone-deep uncertainty that stops you in your tracks. I
- [Sleeping In…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sleeping-in/) - It’s not like I slept all day – yesterday’s walk around Reeds Lake… Should I be worried? I got my new mattress Saturday. You may be bored with this subject, but think of it like the old adage about the man who was unhappy because he didn’t have shoes until he met someone without feet (sort
- [Alcoholism – The Subtler Signs…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/alcoholism-the-subtler-signs/) - For many years I didn’t read the 10 Warning Signs of Alcoholism, because I sort of knew what they were going to say and I was pretty sure it was going to be check, check, check. I also was in denial – Oh come on, what’s the big deal? Who doesn’t drink alone? My
- [Factoid: Addicts Lie](https://wakinguptheghost.com/factoid-addicts-lie/) - Lauren was friends with twins in high school. Their father used to introduce them by saying, “These are my daughters. They lie.” I thought it was funny, because he always said it with a resigned, seriousness: as if having teenage daughters who lied was somehow unique and surprising. The fact is, anyone who
- [Nostalgic For the Lifestyle, Not the Booze](https://wakinguptheghost.com/nostalgic-for-the-lifestyle-not-the-booze/) - I was speaking to a friend of mine the other day about the years I lived in The Bahamas. He had some similar experiences in the islands and we were reminiscing about the lifestyle. At the time, we were sitting in a restaurant in Michigan with a foot of snow outside and a fresh batch drifting
- [Butterfly Man](https://wakinguptheghost.com/butterfly-man/) - “Butterfly Man Final Web” Mixed Media Ambler Hutchinson My friend Ambler Hutchinson is having an exhibit at Florida Mining Gallery. The opening is this Friday night, but the show runs until February 15th, so if you can – click on the link above for more information and go see it. I have done a
- [The 8 Things I HATE About New Year’s Resolutions…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-8-things-i-hate-about-new-years-resolutions/) - Yes I am writing this on the 12th of January. I had two resolutions for the year 2016: organize my storage spaces and exercise every day. How hard is that? I have not exercised for four days now, and I lost my storage room keys during the holidays and had to have the locksmith
- [The Fine Art of Learning Who to Trust…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-fine-art-of-learning-who-to-trust/) - Ellie and I were having a text conversation, about what’s been going on since her dad died. She was talking about what her expectations had been – how she’d wished we would all get to know each other better – maybe even become a family. Ellie and I talk about a lot of things, but
- [A Woman Walks Into a Bar…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/a-woman-walks-into-a-bar/) - placed In rows, covering the entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them, and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display. There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, Medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge,
- [Isolation vs. Connection in Recovery](https://wakinguptheghost.com/isolation-vs-connection-in-recovery/) - The picture of isolation – the welcome mat is buried beneath the snow… Last year at this time, I was living in a remote cabin in the Georgia mountains. One of those rough hewn places, with a wall-of-fieldstone great room people from Florida find charming for a short while… I was communicating with a
- [The Gift of Sobriety – from Ellie & Evie](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-gift-of-sobriety-from-ellie-evie/) - My dad, Nick, was an alcoholic. My dad drank too much because my mom and baby Grayson died. But alcoholic is only one word my dad was. He was the best dad in the world, best husband to my mom, kind, funny, loyal, honest, quiet, inventor, thinker, and loving. My dad drank because he got
- [Let’s Not Forget This is About Helping People…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/lets-not-forget-this-is-about-helping-people/) - Lauren says when I look at a group photo I only look at myself – everyone else can look like hunchbacks and I’m like, “GREAT photo!” But this is a good pic of Lauren and Kallie and me… I was watching a video of myself giving a reading to a group of recovering alcoholics and
- [The Highs & Lows of Recovery](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-highs-lows-of-recovery/) - I don’t think I have particularly extreme emotional highs and lows. When I was drinking I would have a door-slamming moment where I went from normal Marilyn to scary Marilyn (my husband used to call me Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde), but since I’ve been sober, I am pretty even-keeled. I don’t do that thing anymore
- [Life is Like a Box of Doo-Doo](https://wakinguptheghost.com/life-is-like-a-box-of-doo-doo/) - Forest Gump said it best, “You never know what you’re gonna’ get…” Sometimes the cumulative effect of a single day will cause me to stop in my tracks and say aloud, “Come on – I’m trying really hard here. Give me a break…” This is almost always after a series of unfortunate events befall
- [This is a Test](https://wakinguptheghost.com/this-is-a-test/) - That is God shining on me through the gnarled branches… No really, I’m being tested. For the past few days my blog has been acting up and things are disappearing that used to be there and yesterday when I went to write a post, each key stroke had a two second delay like I was
- [The Law of Unexpected Triggers](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-law-of-unexpected-triggers/) - Just when you’re feeling all cocky about your recovery from alcoholism, a squirrel runs in front of the car and your mind screams, “You are about to run over a squirrel! YOU NEED A DRINK!” I was driving to work yesterday morning, and a squirrel did one of those things squirrels do: it
- [Sloppy Drunk/Sloppy Sober?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sloppy-drunksloppy-sober/) - Peek in the back window and you’ll see my Fall 2015 wardrobe and my crab-boil pot! I just finished a blog post for Sanford House, about Sober Sex that I really like. I want to talk about what occurred to me as I wrote it. It’s no epiphany, I suppose, to conclude that any sort of intimacy
- [The Skunk at the Dinner Party](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-skunk-at-the-dinner-party/) - After being a drinker, is it ever natural to be at a dinner party without a glass of wine? I’m asking, because even though I do not crave a drink anymore, the thought of drinking flickers across my mind whenever I am in a setting where I would have been drinking, when I was drinking.
- [Ten Steps Forward, Six Steps Back](https://wakinguptheghost.com/ten-steps-forward-six-steps-back/) - In the recovery game, everyone tells you to take it one day at a time, so that is what I try to do (because I always do what I am told). But do you ever get the feeling you are raging against the machine and the machine is raging back? My friend at work, who
- [Eating Disorders + Addiction (How Do You Kill the Hydra?)](https://wakinguptheghost.com/eating-disorders-addiction-how-do-you-kill-the-hydra/) - That’s me on the left – I’m like, “I am NOT going to eat 4,000 calories of candy in one sitting – burn the head after I cut it off!!!” and the other guy is like, “Wait. Did you say 4,000 calories?” and I’m like “Don’t worry – I took Correctol” and he’s like, “Yuck…”
- [Blame it on the Alcohol, Ladies…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/blame-it-on-the-alcohol-ladies/) - Got you feeling loose Blame it on Patron Got you in the zone Blame it on the a a a a a alcohol Blame it on the a a a a a alcohol Blame it on the vodka Blame it on the henny Blame it on the blue top Got you feeling dizzy Blame it
- [Deep-Sixing the Doldrums…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/deep-sixing-the-doldrums/) - Purple sky in the morning, DOLDRUMS warning… So I have been feeling kind of down in the dumps. I think Halloween might be a trigger – all those memories of tipsy, crazy Halloween nights with the kids when they were young, and pillowcases chock full of Whoppers and Gobstoppers. When I talk about it now, Dee,
- [Russian Blog Stalkers Revisited…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/russian-blog-stalkers-revisited/) - when i read this piece of writing i thought i could also make comment due to this sensible paragraph. Russian is the first language, right? This is the kind of writing that makes me cringe and look for a red pen. I picture a room full of would-be internet crooks in the shadow of the Kremlin, trying
- [The Queen of Halloween?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-queen-of-halloween/) - Lauren’s photo of the all suffering Fiona dressed for Halloween… I spent the evening in the bosom of my family. Jon Jon is working in St Augustine and Laura is in town for Halloween Horror Nights. Lauren made dinner and we did what families do when they get together after being apart – a
- [Art Therapy – Putting a CoRK in It…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/art-therapy-putting-a-cork-in-it/) - CoRK Art District Jacksonville, FL I used to be a gallerist: a very good or very bad career choice for a drinker, depending on how you see the wine glass. Even with the increased visibility and reach of the internet as a means of selling art, the sexy part of the art world revolves
- [Listening to Music Drunk](https://wakinguptheghost.com/listening-to-music-drunk/) - Be honest – one of the greatest things you can do while drunk, is listen to music. It’s just not the same sober. You find a song that “speaks to you” and you’re all alone with your favorite adult beverage and you’re dancing around, spilling and slurping and singing and you put it on a
- [Guana Reserve – If Beaches Could Talk…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/guana-reserve-if-beaches-could-talk-2/) - Casting shadows with Lauren… Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I do not want you to go to Guana Reserve. You can go with me if you are Kim or Dee or Lisa, or my kids with their dogs. Or Kallie or Fiona, or Ellie and Evie when they come to visit, or Laura
- [The God of Wine and Rage](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-god-of-wine-and-rage/) - Fruit of the vine… I have always known Dionysus was the god of wine and fertility, but the other day I was like, “Wait. Why don’t I know more about the Greek god of wine?” and I did a little research, and Dionysus’s story reads like a boozer’s memoir. He was the product of an
- [Moderation – The Un-Coolest Word](https://wakinguptheghost.com/moderation-the-un-coolest-word/) - Pieter Breughel the Elder – The Wedding Dance Yesterday I did the weekend warrior thing. I left the house at 7:15 for a two hour beach walk at high tide – 7 or so miles of slogging through a painful mixture of shell fragments, wet-cement sand, and a stiff headwind. I don’t think I
- [Breaking Bad in Michigan](https://wakinguptheghost.com/breaking-bad-in-michigan/) - A mosaic at ArtPrize made of broken plates. Breaking the Mental Health Stigma While I was at Sanford House, the residents and I painted desert plates with all the bad things we wanted to banish from our lives forever (in my case fear, white wine, insecurity, addiction, self-sabotage and Raisinets – I sort of needed a dinner plate…), and then we
- [If a Tree Falls in the Woods, Ellie…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/if-a-tree-falls-in-the-woods-ellie/) - I have a young friend named Ellie. She and I have been communicating through emails and texts and blog comments for several months now and last night she posed the age old question, “If a tree falls in the woods does it make a sound?” Now this is a smart girl, so she was
- [It’s All or Nothing…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/its-all-or-nothing/) - Nothing like scrounged wood leeks and pinecones to satisfy… So, after two months of eating lettuce and berries, like a super model (or a foraging freegan), I got to Dee’s last night and said the fatal words, “I feel like being bad.” It’s like somebody opens a floodgate. In my old drinking days, those five
- [This is Different than the Blues…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/this-is-different-than-the-blues/) - There is something gorgeous about a cornfield that’s gone to seed; the useless stalks crowded together in steadfast rows against a pale blue sky. I was out walking early yesterday morning and I came upon a dirt road that ran between two fields: one fallow, mounds of dull-brown dirt, the other a dry rustle of leaves before they are
- [Can We Talk About Something Else?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/can-we-talk-about-something-else/) - I spent last Thursday, Friday and Saturday with some of the smartest, funniest and most impassioned addiction/recovery professionals I have ever met. But probably my favorite line during the three days (or at least the one that makes me smile the most as I recall) was, “Can we talk about something else besides recovery?
- [Oh My God, I Sooo Have OCD…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/oh-my-god-i-sooo-have-ocd/) - OCD is Not Just Washing Your Hands A LOT… I’ll admit I’m guilty of it – I talk about my penchant for origami toilet paper points as being “Sooo OCD”. I don’t like closed doors, or trash in bathroom trash cans, and if I’m left alone for too long I count the ceiling
- [Waking Up the Ghost on the Road to Grand Rapids!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/waking-up-the-ghost-on-the-road-to-grand-rapids/) - This is Sanford House. I’m SERIOUS. I might not ever leave… Sanford House Drug and Alcohol Rehab and Recovery Center… I’m very excited to be heading to Michigan today as a guest of the folks at the gorgeous Sanford House. Sanford House is a drug and alcohol rehab and recovery center for women, located in Grand
- [Merry Go Round](https://wakinguptheghost.com/merry-go-round/) - I was supposed to have dinner with Nick on Saturday night, but he was unavoidably detained… Kim and I went anyway, as a tribute and because he would have wanted me to enjoy his largess one more time. When we arrived, Kim got flustered, because the hostess said, “He’s expecting you. There’s something at
- [Laughter in “The Rooms”](https://wakinguptheghost.com/laughter-in-the-rooms/) - From a set of AA Approved comic strips 1968 – 1974 – awesome right? I know you have spoken about AA; however, I wonder if maybe you could share your experience. I have found that for me the only way I have been able to remain sober, is through AA. I realize that your
- [The Return of Word Girl](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-return-of-word-girl/) - Words Have Power I have found my niche. After years of people looking at me and saying, “You’d be great in sales,” I’ve finally convinced everyone I am best at doing research and writing about it. I love correcting other people’s grammar; finding inconsistencies in long standing, scholarly reference materials; and educating myself about obscure subjects
- [Unite to Face Addiction](https://wakinguptheghost.com/unite-to-face-addiction/) - September was Recovery Month and per usual, I am a day late (30 days late) and a dollar short to comment. I guess, like Jon Jon’s first grade teacher used to say on Father’s Day (“Every day is Father’s Day”), I’m of the mind that every day is Recovery Day and every month Recovery Month. I wanted
- [Blood Moon Tide](https://wakinguptheghost.com/blood-moon-tide/) - Guana Reserve Beach – the day before the blood moon… Evie says this photo looks like half a heart. I didn’t see it until Ellie told me, and now it’s all I can see. It’s ironic I guess that when everyone else was anticipating the super-moon and looking up to the heavens, I was
- [The 10 Reasons to go to Rehab Sober (If You Didn’t Go Drunk)](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-10-reasons-to-go-to-rehab-sober-if-you-didnt-go-drunk/) - Where’s Mare? You can tell we’re professionals – we’re wearing name tags on lanyards… on the balcony/running track in Lakeview’s newly renovated gym. Lakeview Health In July, I was invited by Jacksonville’s Lakeview Health to attend their “Professional’s Weekend”. Twenty-five addiction specialists from around the country visited Lakeview’s addiction treatment center to tour their newly renovated
- [For Nick (I’m Looking Up)…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/for-nick-im-looking-up/) - ― Kazuo Ishiguro, Never Let Me Go I’m not sure how to describe how I’m feeling, or to even dare to feel as deeply as I do. I never met him after all… He was the man who wrote to me one cold morning in Georgia, where I kept a pair of UGG boots beside
- [Time Drinkers (Anonymous)](https://wakinguptheghost.com/time-drinkers-anonymous/) - From Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland – He’s always LATE… I woke up this morning with nothing to say. Have you ever had that happen to you? Your noggin feels swollen: like it’s padded with black cotton wool, nothing in there but fluff. So I Googled “What are all the anonymous groups” and suddenly I’m full
- [Are You Fitbit Enough?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/are-you-fitbit-enough/) - Has Fitbit become a verb yet? Everyone tells me not to get a Fitbit. They say I will obsess about how many steps I have taken each day. Not the way most people randomly check their wrists for progress toward 10,000 steps, but every few minutes – with a more zealous furrow to my brow. Waking in the
- [In Bed with Cowboys: The 10 Ways Television Uses Booze as a Prop](https://wakinguptheghost.com/in-bed-with-cowboys-the-10-ways-television-uses-booze-as-a-prop/) - I can’t decide whether I’m sick or depressed. I spent all day in bed Wednesday, watching a show called “Longmire” on Netflix. Yes, I binge watch TV. Longmire is this grizzled cowboy sheriff, with what appears to be an unrequited yen for his female deputy and a thirst for Rainier Beer. All the important
- [Drinking Dream (Nightmares)…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/drinking-dreams-nightmares/) - Yikes – I had a drinking dream! Whoa. I have to hurry to get this down. And this is not going to be some snippet of a pretty memory. Because I had a drinking dream last night. I was at a dinner party with a bunch of people and everyone was pouring drinks and I
- [A Life Well Lived?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/a-life-well-lived/) - I feel like so many of my posts begin with a photograph of Guana Reserve. I have walked that stretch of deserted beach in every possible state of mind: scalding and still; with a cold facing wind; choppy and foggy; foreshadowing a black rain; and on those days when everything is so perfect it feels
- [Shining a Light on Intemperance…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/shining-a-light-on-intemperance/) - One great piece of mischief has been done by the modern restriction of the word Temperance to the question of drink. It helps people to forget that you can be just as intemperate about lots of other things. A man who makes his golf or his motor bicycle the centre of his life, or
- [The Hallways of Life](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-hallways-of-life/) - The Land of In-Between… I listened to one of those great sermons that (in my humble opinion) you only hear from an evangelical preacher with a southern accent. Think Robert Duval in The Apostle. He was talking about the times in life when we find ourselves in the land of “in-between”: those purgatorial stopping points on the road
- [Internet Trolls and Poopy Heads…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/internet-trolls-and-poopy-heads/) - Jet Skis are made of plastic or fiberglass so they do not rust. The word ‘Jet’ refers to the means of propulsion which is water squirted out the rear through a nozzle. It is not an airplane. Out of curiosity I did call the [rehab center name] 800 number and Spoke with Ms. [woman’s name] the
- [I am Soooooo Together…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/i-am-soooooo-together/) - Okay, so in the middle of all this I’m testing out PicMonkey – an awesome photo editor – and this is my first try. Bear with me… I spent the morning like Edvard Munch’s The Scream. I have a new computer (a blog post for another day) and I can not make anything work.
- [I’m Posing the Age Old Question to my Favorite Artists – What Does it Mean?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/im-posing-the-age-old-question-to-my-favorite-artists-what-does-it-mean/) - Jim Draper’s “The Moat” My newest article for Arbus Magazine is out, and although it is not about drinking or not drinking, I certainly would have handled this situation differently in the old, boozy days of Spiller Vincenty Gallery. The paintings would have been hung crookedly (the walls pocked with my measuring missteps), or I
- [These are a Few of My Favorite (Sober) Things…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/these-are-a-few-of-my-favorite-sober-things/) - Now that I have the time, I like to yodel on mountaintops! Looking Back… Remember when you used to get out a jumbo bottle of La Crema Chard, and your favorite green wine glass, and you’d find a smutty rag of a magazine, or a Hidden Object game on your laptop, and an old movie on TV, and
- [The Art of Drunk Dialing/Texting](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-art-of-drunk-dialingtexting/) - This is not an abstract painting. It is a photo I attempted to take of some friends in a bar – it captures perfectly, how I was feeling at the time. I’m PRETTY SURE I texted someone right afterwards… Now that I am clear headed, I do not send text messages I regret anymore.
- [St. Pete’s Repeat – What I Learned About Early Recovery This Weekend](https://wakinguptheghost.com/st-petes-repeat-what-i-learned-about-early-recovery-this-weekend/) - * Changing job or career * Going to college * Getting a divorce or separation * Having a baby * Starting a new romance * Launching a new business venture * Going on a long trip that will involve being away from recovery resources * Moving house * Moving to a new country And I’ll
- [The Aperitif Effect](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-aperitif-effect/) - My in-laws used to pour a nice, dry sherry at 5 o’clock. I remember the cut crystal schooners, the sectioned serving plate with a ‘plentiful sufficiency” of borderline stale, crisps, cocktail peanuts and Twiglets. My father-in-law and I would usually have a second sherry – extra dry to prepare our palates for dinner. I always felt
- [Mare’s Favorite Sober Celebrities](https://wakinguptheghost.com/mares-favorite-sober-celebrities/) - Colin Farrell used to come to Staniel Cay when I lived there. He was at the bar all the time (like 8 in the morning, all the time – even I was drinking coffee). It was during the filming of Miami Vice and he had a weird hairstyle, but he was still hot. I think he’s been
- [Adrift in Open Sea (This is not a Metaphor)](https://wakinguptheghost.com/adrift-in-open-sea-this-is-not-a-metaphor/) - Great stories happen to those who tell them… Ira Glass I’m looking back to the time I was drunk and living in Staniel Cay in The Bahamas. Something possessed me to take our perpetually malfunctioning jet ski for a daytrip to Sandy Cay, alone. Sandy Cay is a picturesque sliver of coral and scrub, smack in
- [Show Off!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/show-off/) - I remember as a child, one of the worst things you could call somebody was a “show off”. That was the kid who teetered perilously on a wheelie, no hands, shouting, “LOOK AT ME!” The show off was never cool, no matter how dangerous the stunt. Even as children, we sensed there was something sad and desperate
- [What is an Addictive Personality?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/what-is-an-addictive-personality/) - I say it all the time (by way of excuse), “I have an addictive personality.” I am the woman, after all, who transferred my yen for white wine to a daily gunnysack of dime-store candy. When I put a stop to that, I found a way to burgeon a Jones for frozen grapes. It’s 4 a.m. and
- [What is Your Bucket of Nails?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/what-is-your-bucket-of-nails/) - Last night Lauren and I went to the Cummer Museum of Art & Gardens to see the Barbara Colacielo directed Deep Resonance – readings from August Wilson’s play Gem of the Ocean. The gorgeous, haunting Whitfield Lovell Deep River exhibit was the backdrop. Billy Holiday bled from a tinny old radio, actors and audience moved from
- [I’ve Given Up Sugar…. Again](https://wakinguptheghost.com/ive-given-up-sugar-again/) - Will you think less of me if I tell you I think this looks delicious? Don’t Get the Wrong Impression I hope you don’t have the wrong impression of me. I talk about sugar so much, you might think I look like the rotund sidekick on every crime series. The one who types like a
- [Keeping Track of Time](https://wakinguptheghost.com/keeping-track-of-time/) - I’m Late!!! I’m Late… I feel thrown this morning. Not in a bad way, in a good way – like the old, energetic, befuddled days without the hangover. I thought I got up at 6:20 this morning (I swear that is what my watch said) and I jumped out of bed in a rush, took a shower
- [Drive Sober or Get Pulled Over!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/drive-sober-or-get-pulled-over/) - August 19 – September 7, 2015 – the police are going to crack down on drunk drivers like, well, like super-vigilant police on drunk drivers. And if this promotional photograph is any indication of their tactics, they plan to camouflage their squad cars; painting them like those people who work during Halloween Horror Nights at Universal
- [Can “Drinking Music” Trigger a Relapse?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/can-drinking-music-trigger-a-relapse/) - I was driving Lauren and Kristin to a concert last night in St Augustine. It was an island, reggae, heart of the summer line up including Sublime and Rebolution, bands we always listened to in The Bahamas over dinners of imported steaks, hush-your-mouth-crawfish and cases of wine. With a cannabis aperitif. The opening act
- [What is the Definition of Sober?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/what-is-the-definition-of-sober/) - “On the Wagon” – a state of mind AND a place to live! I got a comment from Kevin yesterday, who uses cannabis to stay “sober” from alcohol. He was responding to a post I wrote quite a while ago, called Recovering Alcoholics Smoking Pot, What? which is exciting in itself, because it means he
- [Sleep Little Alchies, Sleep…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sleep-little-alchies-sleep/) - It sounds like the title for a children’s book, doesn’t it? In case you were on your chair edges, wondering how I am after yesterday’s gloom-o-rama, I am fine. Nothing like the grouper special at Bistro Aix and a good night’s sleep to set a person right. I think I discount the role of tiredness in
- [Muddy, Melancholic Mare…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/muddy-melancholic-mare/) - The “wading pond” behind my office. I’d throw myself in dramatically, but eeeuuuu… I am tired. And I feel muddy, my head as bulky as a wool turtleneck. I have so little energy I might be considered slothful, if someone were considering. Maybe I’m coming down with something. I hope so, because otherwise I
- [Addiction on TV](https://wakinguptheghost.com/addiction-on-tv/) - Now THIS is a party… Lauren’s watching Breaking Bad from scratch on Netflix. I was at her house for lunch yesterday and I watched an episode in the middle of Season Four with her. I am an irritating person to watch any television show with, or any movie or stage play, but I am particularly
- [Slack Dog](https://wakinguptheghost.com/slack-dog/) - The ultimate in slack-doggery – Fiona in her favorite position… I got this email message from my buddy Mark a couple of days ago: No “Ghost” lately? No one likes a slack dog. MM Short but sweet, right? I have been kind of tired recently, and I have been slacking off a bit
- [Giving Up the Ghost](https://wakinguptheghost.com/giving-up-the-ghost/) - Giving Up the Ghost: to die; to stop working; to stop trying to do something because you know it will not succeed. A friend of mine says he’s “done with sobriety”. He says he wants another option, a different plan, and that sobriety has brought him nothing but problems. He says when he was drinking he had less
- [Tired Sober…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tired-sober/) - I’m not tired of being sober. I am just tired. I was talking to Lisa last night over some sort of fried green tomato with indefinable bits of deliciousness on top at Medure, and I said to her, “When I was drinking I used to have more frenetic energy – sweeping the front porch at
- [Advanced Recovery](https://wakinguptheghost.com/advanced-recovery/) - I was out to dinner with my friend Tall Girl on my two year sober anniversary, and she gave me a fancy, designer two year chip and said, “This is an important milestone in your recovery, because after two years of sobriety, your brain is finally coming back to normal.” There are those
- [It’s Throw Up Thursday, Introverts!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/its-throw-up-thursday-introverts/) - The Grinch is an introvert… I have to apologize. I cheated on you. Last night, instead of writing here, I finished an article for Addiction.com and I am plumb out of words this morning. I am a new Expert Blogger on the website under the title: Waking Up the Ghost (what else?), and my
- [Throwing Money Away Drunk](https://wakinguptheghost.com/throwing-money-away-drunk/) - Just about the time I bought Fiona (drunk) I bought a membership to LA Fitness (drunk) and promptly forgot about it. Apparently it was a lifetime membership, because I just discovered this morning that I have been paying $32.09 per month for the past three years and I have never darkened LA Fitness’s Yoga
- [Two Years Sober and One Thing Learned](https://wakinguptheghost.com/two-years-sober-and-one-thing-learned/) - Maybe I’m just tired… I am sure I have learned many things in the past two sober years. For example, I have learned to use the F-word less frequently (and with more effect), and I know how to make spaghetti squash*. I have to admit, my two year anniversary is coming in like a lamb (or
- [Climbing a Rock Wall Can Help You Stay Sober – Here’s Why](https://wakinguptheghost.com/climbing-a-rock-wall-can-help-you-stay-sober-heres-why/) - I spent the weekend learning a lot of new things about addiction treatment from the talented folks at Lakeview Health. I was fortunate to be part of their “Professional Weekend” and I went rock wall climbing with some members of the group, which is one of the offsite activities Lakeview offers their clients. If
- [Climbing a Rock Wall Can Help You Stay Sober: Here’s Why](https://wakinguptheghost.com/climbing-a-rock-wall-can-help-you-stay-sober-heres-why-2/) - I spent the weekend learning a lot of new things about addiction treatment from the talented folks at Lakeview Health. I was fortunate to be part of their “Professional Weekend” and I went rock wall climbing with some members of the group, which is one of the offsite activities Lakeview offers their clients. If you
- [I’m Going to Rehab](https://wakinguptheghost.com/im-going-to-rehab/) - The front entrance of Lakeview Health Jacksonville, Florida No, I have not relapsed. I am going to rehab sober, as a guest of Jacksonville’s Lakeview Health for their Professional Weekend which started last night with a dinner, introductions and a few inspirational videos. The 25 attendees are from all over the country and they
- [Sober Mare’s Handy Hints: Dealing With Tricky Work Situations.](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sober-mares-handy-hints-dealing-with-tricky-work-situations/) - When life gives you a dark cloud, make lemonade! The day before yesterday I found myself with my hands in the prayer position, preparing to genuflect, and saying the words, “I beg you…” to a trio of Azerbaijani moving men. Their truck (filled with a portion of my employer’s belongings) was stuck half way up and
- [What is a Wet House?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/what-is-a-wet-house/) - One of the positives about being open to learning new things, is that I stay current and well informed, particularly about the subjects of sobriety and recovery. One of the negatives (at least for me) is that in researching these subjects, I learn things about myself I’d rather not know – and the constant search for
- [The Psychopath Test](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-psychopath-test/) - I have had more than one man tell me “I do not know the meaning of love”. I resent that, but it’s like B.O. or stupidity – if you are told you offend for a particular reason, by more than one person, it is worth looking into (I suppose). And even though I dislike
- [Dealing With Difficult People. Sober.](https://wakinguptheghost.com/dealing-will-difficult-people-sober/) - Sober Mare ready to deal with life’s bullies… Once again, the art of Tim Burton is worth a thousand words… Have you ever had to deal with a truly difficult person? I am assuming this scenario only occurs in a setting where you need something from someone – or when the difficult person is in
- [Am I Recovering or Recovered?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/am-i-recovering-or-recovered/) - “The Absinthe Drinker” by Viktor Oliva. Is that a stupid question? I have a feeling I might be one of those people who do not want to be called a “recovering alcoholic”. Normally, I don’t care what you call me (just don’t call me late for the barbeque), but I am vaguely offended by the
- [r/Stop Drinking – A Support Group in Your Pocket](https://wakinguptheghost.com/rstop-drinking-a-support-group-in-your-pocket/) - I got an interesting email from a reader yesterday – Elizabeth runs the stellar website Recovery.org and wanted to let me know about a study they had done on the success rate of reddit Inc.’s Stop Drinking support group. Reddit is an online bulletin board where community members post comments on all manner of topics. The
- [Maybe it Will Rain…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/maybe-it-will-rain/) - So my new job has taken an interesting turn. I am now helping to complete construction on a beach house that is already rented for the weekend after next… punch lists and deliveries and schedules and the last minute tweaking of home goods… I am actually qualified to do this. Not the real work, like grouting
- [Hedonism](https://wakinguptheghost.com/hedonism/) - There was a time when the only thing I thought about when I woke was, “What island will we party on today?” I’d reach for a leftover glass of wine on the nightstand, a tangle of sheets and a foggy memory of the night before (which usually involved a party on a private island…)
- [The Heat and Alcohol](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-heat-and-alcohol/) - You can stand here with me if you want but you’ll have to agree not to talk about the heat – from the movie Body Heat What is it about the sluggish, dog-star days of summer that has us all strapped for conversation? Normally articulate people enter rooms like extras in British farces – a door
- [Reupholstering my Life](https://wakinguptheghost.com/reupholstering-my-life/) - Where Have I Been? I spent a fair amount of time in fabric stores yesterday: bolts of chintz and dingle-ball displays, semi-snippy clerks with yardsticks and sharp scissors. Fabric stores are the purview of women who are freshening their lives, by reupholstering their armchairs. You do not see businessmen in Boca Bargoons frowning over the crab bedecked
- [Flying High](https://wakinguptheghost.com/flying-high/) - Yesterday… I’m flying through the air right now. Seat 29A, 5:55 a.m. I’m contorted like a David Blaine endurance art performance: snagging my laptop with a toe; my head in my neighbor’s lap to hook the strap of my purse with a pinky. I drag the items from the seat under-space to my lap, by doing a
- [Behavior Modification](https://wakinguptheghost.com/behavior-modification/) - The words “behavior modification” ruffle my feathers. In case you did not notice, I am a bit defiant when it comes to rules and regulations, and the act of “modifying behavior” sounds suspiciously autocratic to me… I wrote an article for Recovery Connections.org yesterday on Making Long Term Recovery Stick. Talk about behavior
- [The Subtle Stages of Recovery](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-subtle-stages-of-recovery/) - So, you’re at a fireworks display and you’re going to buy light sabers and glow sticks? “Pink Cloud” is the tem used in the recovery community for the sense of false euphoria one feels in the early stages of sobriety. I am still waiting for that to happen. I have felt nostalgic, blue, satisfied,
- [The Calm Before the Fuss](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-calm-before-the-fuss/) - If I were to ask you where you thought the photo above was taken (and you didn’t know I was in Flint for my mother’s birthday) what would you say? The Thames near Windsor Castle? Some other pastoral setting perhaps, the folding chairs and picnic blankets the harbinger of a string quartette on a barge,
- [Making Amends](https://wakinguptheghost.com/making-amends/) - The bundle smothered in the white blanket is me… “Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.” Alcoholics Anonymous “Most men would rather deny a hard truth than face it.” George R.R. Martin – Game of Thrones I am in Michigan for my mother’s
- [90 Meetings in 90 Days!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/90-meetings-in-90-days/) - From photos taken at an AA meeting – spring of 1964 It didn’t happen… I heard that people attended 90 AA meetings in 90 days, and I knew I could never pull that off, so I invented a truncated version of the dictum – 30 Meetings in 30 Days – and announced to my
- [Michigan](https://wakinguptheghost.com/michigan/) - Have you been to Michigan? I’m on my way there this morning. By the time you read this I will be shooting through the air, drooling on the shoulder of my neighbor in that opium-dream, slumber that only happens on planes or trains when you’ve gotten up at 3 a.m. to pack… I
- [The Worst Hangover. Ever.](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-worst-hangover-ever/) - The worst hangover I have ever had was in St. Martin. It was one of those delayed reaction deals. I woke up with crazy energy at 7 a.m. and went out on the pool deck to do lunges. We were staying in a hilltop villa – open air and sprawling – Kim was there, and when she padded out
- [What do I Deserve?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/what-do-i-deserve/) - About six month ago, I told Kim I felt like I deserved whatever bad things happened to me. I was like a shamefaced child, facing the corner, waiting for the authoritarian parent to get home and dish out punishment. I don’t feel that way anymore. I don’t want to look over my shoulder anymore, anticipating cosmic payback for the thousand wrongs
- [Beat the Heat](https://wakinguptheghost.com/beat-the-heat/) - Get out and live a little! Lauren’s photo of Fiona’s first swim (actually kind of a joyful walk, jump, stumble in a tide puddle). No wonder people get a dog… Today I’m not drinking because I’m at the beach… How come you’re not drinking?
- [If You Want Something Done, Ask a SOBER Person…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/if-you-want-something-done-ask-a-sober-person/) - When I woke up this morning, the thought sprang to mind, “If you want something done, ask a busy person.” Benjamin Franklin, who coined this phrase, was a multitasking pro – inventing the lightning rod, peering through handmade bifocals and spouting pithy aphorisms while corralling electricity in a ruffled shirt. I’m not sure, 200 years
- [The Ambivalent Drunk](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-ambivalent-drunk/) - As I was getting dressed this morning I thought of my ex-husband. I am wearing my customary black, but with the addition of a splash of yellow (a tank top beneath an off the shoulder sweater and platforms) as a nod to summer. I remembered once, getting dolled up to go out with him, wearing black
- [Drug Testing – What to Expect](https://wakinguptheghost.com/drug-testing-what-to-expect/) - I had a drug test yesterday. I feel pretty sure I aced it. This morning I read that most employers request a standard drug screen, which tests for signs of marijuana, cocaine, phencyclidine, amphetamines and opiates. If you haven’t been drug tested recently, and think (like the old days when I heard you could tuck a
- [Working](https://wakinguptheghost.com/working/) - When is the last time you saw a gang high-ten with such authentic, enthusiasm? I want to work here!! I’ll be honest. I haven’t really worked in 20 years. I owned an art gallery. I have done some free lance writing and sober coaching. I have spent the past year giving back to the recovery
- [The Power of Words](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-power-of-words-2/) - “… my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer.” – Psalm 45:1 (NIV) Recently people have been sending me messages about the power of words: daily reflections, quotes from famous authors on writing, snippets culled from scripture and literature and medicine. There is more and more clever, well written blog copy coming across
- [Gratitude](https://wakinguptheghost.com/gratitude/) - Even I am grateful for kittens. Adopt at the Jacksonville Humane Society 904-493-4567 Can We Be Grateful and Depressed? I don’t know what to believe. Can I feel depressed and grateful at the same time or not? I was leafing through some things on the internet this weekend and a Huffington Post Webinar came up called
- [Early Morning Dread](https://wakinguptheghost.com/early-morning-dread/) - The Dreadful, Wonderful Art of Tim Burton… I woke with a sense of dread. Does that ever happen to you? I ate a handful of chocolate chips last night (maybe more than a handful…) and when I opened my eyes this morning I thought, “I am a bad person. I am a chocolate chip guzzler. I am not
- [There Are Sharks in the Water 2!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/there-are-sharks-in-the-water-2/) - What lies beneath… Sharks have been in the news recently. There was an interview with a young man from his hospital bed in North Carolina, describing how it felt to have his arm chewed off. And drone photos of sharks in knee deep water… Sharks remain one of my biggest fears. If you have
- [We are Star Shine](https://wakinguptheghost.com/we-are-star-shine/) - Stars collide – from the Hubble telescope… A friend of mine sent me an email that began: We are all made of stardust. It sounds like a line from a poem, but there is some solid science behind this statement too: almost every element on Earth was formed at the heart of a star.
- [Sober is the New Black](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sober-is-the-new-black/) - “I think of shit and then I write it down…” Crazy Eyes, Orange is the New Black I have never been to prison, but I watched the entire third season of Orange is the New Black in two sittings. It’s a little weird to watch a prison show when I somehow escaped going myself
- [Booze Calorie Counter!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/booze-calorie-counter/) - I have to be honest. Part of the reason I got sober was vanity. My biggest concern was that I would end up looking like Kathleen Turner (what happened there?) and I was heading in that direction – lax and bloated, my hair lackluster… I didn’t develop that horrible, bourbon-baritone or wear round toed slipper-shoes on
- [Do We Overdrink Out of Boredom?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/do-we-overdrink-out-of-boredom/) - I have a wise, pastor I communicate with by email occasionally. He is one of those people who can make scripture come alive for me. He’s a good storyteller – culling from daily life – and for me the message and the messenger must be affably joined or I yawn and pick up a People Magazine. I
- [Twitter for Alcoholics](https://wakinguptheghost.com/twitter-for-alcoholics/) - In England, the old ladies call, “Cooee!” over the hedgerows in their gardens to borrow a cup of sugar or a plant cutting or the latest gossip. In Staniel Cay, business, monkey business and most of the important gab takes place on the “locals side” of the bar at the Yacht Club. In Flint, Michigan
- [Alcoholic “Fish Out of Water”…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/alcoholic-fish-out-of-water/) - Koi like to eat stale baguette. They open their mouths wide like babies, and swim tail to mouth like designs on Chinese dinner plates. When they are hungry, koi come to the top of the water and stare accusingly, exposing their heads and shoulders like land sharks in comedy skits. The big ones are aggressive.
- [The Aha Moment](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-aha-moment/) - Yesterday I was featured on Recovery Connection.org in an article called “What is Rock Bottom?” in which I stated “I’ve probably had ten rock bottoms, and none of them were the catalyst to my quitting drinking.” (By the way, please go to the website and SHARE the article on your favorite social media site,
- [How to Beat Self-Sabotage](https://wakinguptheghost.com/how-to-beat-self-sabotage/) - I have decided I am my own worst frenemy. I have polled my friends and they all say I am funny (even funnier now that I’m sober, but I think they think they have to say that or I’ll be all gaga-drunk to get a laugh…), smart, interesting and best of all confident. I’m not
- [Laughter Therapy to Treat Addiction? Seriously?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/laughter-therapy-to-treat-addiction-seriously/) - Like the annoying and problematic Uncle Albert in the movie Mary Poppins, I love to laugh. Maybe it is because I am a pleasure seeker with a dopamine jones, or maybe it’s because I do not have the capacity for sturm und drang, or maybe I’m nuts. But I will always try to find the humor in
- [What’s the Opposite of Addiction?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/whats-the-opposite-of-addiction/) - I’m so bored, bored, bored I think I’ll eat that huge chunk of cheese and drink some heroin laced water… You are thinking “sober” right? In an incredible article in the Huffington Post by Johann Hari, he posits, “So the opposite of addiction is not sobriety. It is human connection.” The article goes
- [How Not to Relapse](https://wakinguptheghost.com/how-not-to-relapse-2/) - Fiona – an exhaustive, recidivist chewer of anything bacon flavored… I’m like a dog with a bacon flavored chew toy. Once I get an idea in my head I can’t stop nibbling, until I’ve exhausted the subject and myself. Take relapse for instance. I wrote about relapse yesterday, because it seems to be top of mind in
- [Relapse](https://wakinguptheghost.com/relapse/) - The word “relapse” scares me. And so do its synonyms: recidivism, recurrence, regression, worsening, backsliding, fall, lapse, loss, retrogression, return, reversion, setback, fall from grace and the ever popular – turn for the worse… I have been going to a lot of different recovery meetings recently, and although they seem to be (overall) a
- [An Alcoholic Walks into Rehab…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/an-alcoholic-walks-into-rehab/) - …to listen to a lecture on alcoholics. I infiltrated Jacksonville’s impressive Lakeview Health on Friday. I went to a lecture on “Saucy Women,” suggested to me by a reader, which was intended for addiction professionals, but open to the public. It wasn’t like an episode of Law and Order where Detective Benson goes undercover, prison bars clanging behind
- [Drinking at the $t. Regis Hotel](https://wakinguptheghost.com/drinking-at-the-t-regis-hotel/) - A seat at this bar will set you back a month’s rent… I keep getting these chirpy email messages from Bergdorf Goodman. They announce with preposterous hauteur, “The Dresses you Need for the Sunny Season,” or “How will you wear lace?” or “Oscar de la Renta knows Feminine Charm.” I have resisted these attempts to woo
- [Flooding the Senses](https://wakinguptheghost.com/flooding-the-senses/) - This may have it all covered, but the Junior Mints… What is the thing an alcoholic fears most? Taking a drink. No joke. Every alcoholic I have ever talked to will say the same thing eventually (if they’re honest): they are afraid that one day, all their good intentions will pack a bag and move away and without
- [Liquid Confidence](https://wakinguptheghost.com/liquid-confidence/) - This weekend I said to Lauren, “I used to have a lot more confidence when I was drinking. I felt more attractive.” She gave me a wry look and said, “Uh, yes?” Duh. It’s not just me. It is one of the primary reasons people drink – to give themselves a confidence or courage boost. It is
- [Molesting Animals](https://wakinguptheghost.com/molesting-animals/) - A baby sting ray in a tide pool I tormented for a while yesterday… In Florida, it is an unwritten rule (actually it is written) that you are not supposed to “molest” manatees, or sea turtle hatchlings, or alligators or any of God’s creatures. In other words, you are to leave them alone and you
- [Getting Caught in the Rain](https://wakinguptheghost.com/getting-caught-in-the-rain/) - God’s finger… I was taking my Happy Hour jog on the beach last evening and it was opulent. Perfect, white clouds stood in neat, straight lines like school girls on field trips. Mollusks and asteria punched their way out of the sand to bask in a late-day sun: starfish, olives, whelks, pastel coquinas… Gangly seabirds pecked at hyacinth tide-pools.
- [Happy Hour](https://wakinguptheghost.com/happy-hour/) - My Happy Hour – 4 o’clock, low tide, solo Guana walk… The term “Happy Hour” comes from American Naval slang in the 1920s following the First World War. According to Mental Floss Magazine, it was an allotted period of time on a ship where sailors engaged in various forms of entertainment to relieve the monotonies of the seafaring
- [Miss Mare’s P’s and Q’s for Not Drinking Booze…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/miss-mares-ps-and-qs-for-not-drinking-booze/) - Gentle Reader: No one should socialize with tabletop bullies, neither the kind of bullies who try to force people to eat more than they want, nor the even worse ones who try to force others to drink. That is the social error, no matter how it seems to be disguised with conviviality and hospitality. The
- [The Perils of Scotch Whiskey](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-perils-of-scotch-whiskey/) - It was World Whiskey Day on Saturday. So naturally I thought of Scotland. I spent a lot of time in the Highlands near Inverness, and although I never drank much Scotch, I hung out with a number of American dudes, living-like-lairds, with Holland &Holland flasks of Glefiddich in their knickers pockets (so their hands were free to tote loaded,
- [Drinking Responsibly](https://wakinguptheghost.com/drinking-responsibly/) - That is not an oxymoron for some. I have people write to me all the time, who ask about the “rules” of drinking responsibly (as if I would know). They say “I’m going to a wedding – help :)” or “I am 26 and if I don’t drink I’m a social pariah :)” or
- [Role Models for Problem Drinking?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/role-models-for-problem-drinking/) - I was going through some old photographs yesterday and I found this one of Lauren, Faye and my goddaughter Phoebe. They are obviously mimicking their mothers’ fondness for plonk. I actually remember where we were – a churrascaria we loved near our villa in Portugal one summer. The food was great, the owner genial and as is
- [Whine Cellar](https://wakinguptheghost.com/whine-cellar/) - Ye Ole Wine Seller in Ponte Vedra… Isn’t the English language awesome? Such opportunity for miscommunication and inaccuracy. I was driving down the street from my old house yesterday, and I passed my favorite, erstwhile wine seller. I’m assuming he’s still in there – his name is Pom and he does lunges with handles of whiskey
- [Don’t Do Dat](https://wakinguptheghost.com/dont-do-dat/) - I feel silly today. I also woke to a large, interesting statistic on my Jetpack (that’s WordPress speak for obsessively checking how many people are reading the blog): the most people ever looked at yesterday’s blog post on Sober People Smoking Cannabis, after midnight. Hum. All those stoners up late, eating Cracker Jacks, playing with the surprise in the
- [Recovering Alcoholics Smoking Pot? WHAT?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/recovering-alcoholics-smoking-pot-what-2/) - From the movie Private Benjamin: Judy Benjamin: I think they sent me to the wrong place. Capt. Doreen Lewis: Uh-huh. Judy Benjamin: See, I did join the army, but I joined a “different” army. I joined the one with the condos and the private rooms I Think I Might Have Joined the Wrong Recovery
- [The Stars Align Drunk or Sober](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-stars-align-drunk-or-sober/) - Weterlund 2 – Good band name… This might surprise you, but I know the Hubble Telescope is having its twenty-fifth anniversary this year. I am not a closet astronomy nerd, but I lived in The Bahamas where there is no light pollution, and like home inspectors and police detectives I tended to look up.
- [Chasing Ghosts](https://wakinguptheghost.com/chasing-ghosts/) - An M.C. Escher staircase within the lighthouse… I was chasing ghosts last night. That is not a metaphor. I mean I was actually chasing ghosts at the St. Augustine lighthouse and museum with a crew too clever by half for the hapless guide, who banged on walls (for lack of poltergeists’ chain rattling) and
- [The Seven Reasons it is Good to be Sober at TPC Sawgrass](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-seven-reasons-it-is-good-to-be-sober-at-tpc-sawgrass/) - For those of you who do not live in Ponte Vedra, Florida (or inside my head) this might not make any sense… The Seven Reasons it is Good to be Sober at TPC (in no particular order of importance…) 1. My threshold for traffic jams on A1A is a bit higher when I try to get to my
- [I’m the Designated Driver!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/im-the-designated-driver/) - That is not White Zin in front of me – I am the DESIGNATED DRIVER, people… With precious cargo Laura and Lauren. It is TPC week here in Jacksonville, and I am the DD for Lauren and Laura. This is a title and responsibility no one would have thought to give me two years ago.
- [Do You Think Cruella De Vil Was a Drinker?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/do-you-think-cruella-de-vil-was-a-drinker/) - Most people who used to drink and don’t drink anymore, have the anniversary of their sobriety imprinted on their memory like one of those glow-in-the dark club stamps an unsmiling bouncer puts on the back of your hand. Ever wake up and read the one word name, like LUSH or CRUSH on your person and
- [Alcoholism By the Numbers](https://wakinguptheghost.com/alcoholism-by-the-numbers/) - Based on this drawing, I favor the side of the brain with all the pretty colors! You hear people speak of right brain and left brain dominance… I am of the brain dominance that doesn’t remember the side of the brain in which I am dominant. I think that makes me thick-sculled, or forgetful or
- [Rock, Paper, Scissors…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/rock-paper-scissors/) - I always choose “Rock” When I was little, my brother and I did the classic “rough housing” thing in the back seat of the car, just far enough out of reach that my dad’s swinging arm could not smack us. We had a game (which now that I think about it, was kind of
- [The Winds of Dawn](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-winds-of-dawn/) - You will hear the feet of the Wind that is going to call the sun…” Rudyard Kipling from The Dawn Wind Once, I was flying to Russia in the middle of the night and I woke with that dry-mouthed start you experience when your blood sugar drops. I had drunk too much wine from
- [Who Says You Can’t Go Home Again?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/who-says-you-cant-go-home-again/) - “Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again“ Actually, I didn’t write that. And I went to my old house in Marsh Landing Country Club, and it wasn’t a dream, and it was not a burnt wreckage, and there wasn’t a ghost of the crazy wife in the attic or a blinded ex-lover wandering in the ruins. Although, with the
- [It’s Throw Up Thursday!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/its-throw-up-thursday/) - “Gluttony” by Pieter Breugel the Elder Let’s talk about gluttony… It was pretty early into my sobriety, that I realized alcoholics are gluttons. I can tell you that I still grapple with the bottomlessness of my desires. (Speaking of puking, doesn’t that sound like it belongs in a bodice-ripper romance novel?) ************** Thorn Bartleby
- [The Seven Qualities of Success (Minus One)…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-seven-qualities-of-success-minus-one/) - A new day on the Intracoastal Waterway… Last night I fell asleep listening to this dude named Brian Tracy school me on YouTube, about “The 7 Qualities of Success.” It was like those 1950’s movies where the hero goes to sleep with big earphones plugged into a boxy reel to reel tape player and wakes
- [Alcohol Moderation Management – Bet You Can’t Drink Just One…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/alcohol-moderation-management-bet-you-cant-drink-just-one/) - Remember the old Lays Potato Chip commercial – Bet you can’t eat just one? Change “eat” to “drink” and it could be a great commercial for a rehab center, or a moderation management organization. I think the question arises in the dark mind of every recovering alcoholic at least once, “As soon as I
- [28 Days](https://wakinguptheghost.com/28-days/) - Just beyond the wall and over the first mountain, you will find a pot of gold, happiness and sobriety… In the year 2000, I was rocketing through the air on the way to Ireland with my family. We were configured in twos: My husband and son in the seats in front, my daughter and
- [The 7 Deadly Sins of Alcoholism](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-7-deadly-sins-of-alcoholism/) - Dante’s Inferno – Isn’t that a new club in the Meat-Packing District? When a disoriented Dante, of Dante’s Inferno fame, passes through the gates of Hell, he sees a sign which bears the famous inscription, “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.” I hear a version of that aphorism in emails and Facebook messages and blog comments all the time,
- [Shocking!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/shocking/) - I was feeding Kim’s koi in the rain last week. She has an outdoor pond, and when the koi get hungry, they become agitated and pull the water plants up by the roots. They chase each other in lazy circles like bathtub toys with magnets in their tails…They make it known somebody better do
- [The Approach-Avoidance Conflict](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-approach-avoidance-conflict/) - Making the decision to get sober. I have gotten six emails in the past few days, from frustrated people who cannot seem to get and stay sober. They quit drinking with the best of intentions, but within a few days (or 30 or 90) they find themselves back on the sauce and wondering why they reach
- [Guilt vs. Shame](https://wakinguptheghost.com/guilt-vs-shame/) - The personification (dogification?) of guilt. A muddy and regretful Fiona… When my children were little they never admitted they had done anything wrong. Never. They would look at me with big eyes, a broken vase at their feet, slivers of glass in their pant’s cuffs and say, “I don’t know how that happened.”
- [The Power of Words…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-power-of-words/) - From an illustration by Tim Burton I have a friend who calls me Word Girl. He says I have the ability to leap tall buildings with a single well turned phrase: save an alcoholic from drinking with a sentence. Although this romantic notion has me picturing myself in bicep-flexed concert with the X-Men (Colossus,
- [Temperance in a Tipsy World…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/temperance-in-a-tipsy-world/) - The Bahamas, a BAR, and temperance – not for the faint of heart… Temperance is the espousal of moderation, marked by personal restraint. That sounds like me… One Christmas, my daughter (who is many things, one of them ironic), gave me a stemmed glass that holds an entire bottle of wine, and a change
- [The Things I DON’T Do Now That I’m Sober…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-things-i-dont-do-now-that-im-sober/) - The woman leaning over is telling the woman in the black hat, “I have always HATED you.” So I was doing the ladies-who-lunch thing a few weeks ago. I haven’t done that in a while. In the old days it involved drinking 2 1/2 glasses of Chardonnay (the 1/2 being someone’s suggestion to, “Share one
- [The Panther in the Yard](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-panther-in-the-yard/) - Where the Wild Things Are… When I first moved to Florida, I lived in a pristine, gated community.The streets were vacuumed, the palmettos pruned, the bordering golf course fairways were green and flat as pool-table felt. Even the alligators were culled when they got big enough to threaten lapdogs; trussed up in duct tape and removed to
- [eDisharmony…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/edisharmony/) - In my spare time, I like to sit on the lawns of my friends and contemplate bridges. You? A few years ago I got the cockamamie idea I should sign up for one of those on-line dating sites. I had the notion I was meeting the wrong types of men on remote islands in The Bahamas,
- [The Iniquity of the Fathers (and Mothers)?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-iniquity-of-the-fathers-and-mothers/) - Blonde hair, AND the yen for alcohol? (Actually these two are not problem drinkers, and only one of them is my child, but I like the picture). Do you remember the old National Enquirer commercial? “Enquiring minds want to know!” That’s me – and sometimes I still wonder why I became an alcoholic. I
- [Gambling…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/gambling-3/) - This is the faux Chihuly from my condo, not a fixture in a casino, but you get the picture… I have an addictive personality, but I have never been tempted to gamble. I don’t understand the rules of the games, and I hate casinos. Mind you, I haven’t been to a gambling establishment since I’ve been sober,
- [I’ll Rally, I Always Do…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/ill-rally-i-always-do/) - Since I got back from Georgia, I have been staying with Kim and Claudio. I call it “Promises Jacksonville” as a joke to myself. Their home is in a beautiful setting, I am encouraged to exercise and eat right and there is a feeling of welcome and nonjudgmental caring so profound it could be a rehab center,
- [Quiet Recovery](https://wakinguptheghost.com/quiet-recovery/) - This may sound insane coming from someone who tells her “One time, I ended up knee deep…” stories, but I am impressed and awed by the people I know who get sober quietly. Yesterday I got a Facebook message from an old friend who said, “I’m 30 days sober today. I’ve been going
- [The Ravings of a Madwoman…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-ravings-of-a-madwoman/) - Painting by Christy Thom When I was little, I was privy to what happens when two strong, articulate people divorce badly. At a time when it was “not done” my Nana and Grandpa Howard severed their marriage. For the rest of their lives, they voiced (with hilarious vitriol) the wrongs each other had committed. Even
- [The Three Faces of Alcoholism…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-three-faces-of-alcoholism/) - (I knew those obsessive selfies would come in handy…) I don’t know where I’ve been, but I did not know there were three distinct stages of alcoholism. I have intuitively known that alcoholics end up alone in a dark garage, or in jail, or rehab, but it wasn’t until I had a conversation with a
- [Don’t Get Gator Bit!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/dont-get-gator-bit/) - Calm waters, but what lies beneath? I spent Easter weekend in a place where you might hear someone say the words, “Don’t get gator bit.” This colloquial phrase is not a cautionary cliché like, “Don’t take any wooden nickels.” It is not a metaphor. It actually means: be careful not to get mauled and
- [Good Friday.](https://wakinguptheghost.com/good-friday/) - God is in his heavens… I’ve had several false starts this morning. Everything I try to write about is overshadowed by the significance of this day. It seems ridiculous and trite somehow to talk about the fact I craved a glass of wine yesterday or that someone took too long unloading dry goods in line at Costco.
- [Sleeping Sober](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sleeping-sober/) - Fiona – my go-to symbol for: The Sleep of the Innocent. Here’s something I don’t say much anymore: I was up all night watching bad Netflix and worrying. The Netflix show was about a dysfunctional family with an evil-seed son who reminded me (a little too much) of an ex-boyfriend. He dies in the end.(the character,
- [Who Do You Trust?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/who-do-you-trust/) - Painting by Oleg Korchagin I had a German boyfriend when I was fresh out of college. I mean really German – straight off the jet with a handful of English in his back pocket and a tendency to treat the roads of Michigan like the Autobahn. I remember riding with him, everyone in the
- [Flashlight](https://wakinguptheghost.com/flashlight/) - One of my favorite gifts this Christmas was a flashlight. A big, bludgeon of flashlight, with different settings to widen my perspective on those things that slither or growl in the dark. My son Jonathan gave it to me along with an overkill of other cautionary gifts: a snakebite kit, a gas can for the car, tire repair equipment, hand warmers,
- [I’m Fixed!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/im-fixed/) - A close up from what is probably my favorite painting – “The Wait” by Tony Rodrigues In the past week, two different people have asked me the same question, “Lord have mercy, don’t you want a drink?” Well they didn’t actually say it like that – I don’t know anyone who says “lord have mercy”
- [Hurricane Season](https://wakinguptheghost.com/hurricane-season/) - When I was drinking, there were no crises. My coping strategy was to drink more and expect things to turn out okay. I operated with a set of blithe blinders to anything unpleasant or dangerous; I was as incongruous and outrageous as a standard poodle walking on its hind legs in the middle of the expressway. In
- [Routine in Recovery](https://wakinguptheghost.com/routine-in-recovery/) - The implements of routine… I have recently had a number of smart people tell me I need to establish a routine. Apparently, for someone like me (who gads about like a raven pecking at bits of aluminum foil in the bushes), it is important to have a plan and follow a path without variation.
- [Cat Lady](https://wakinguptheghost.com/cat-lady/) - Cats (like toddlers) are always most adorable when they are sleeping… this is Lauren’s Vincent. A few years ago I was at a party talking to Susan, and I told her that if I ever became one of those women of a certain age, who wore clothing emblazoned with fauna, to kill me. You know what
- [A New Horizon…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/a-new-horizon/) - Sail, not tie at anchor Sail, not drift.” ― Franklin D. Roosevelt Today I’m not drinking because I am setting sail. How come you’re not drinking?
- [Meltdown](https://wakinguptheghost.com/meltdown/) - Something wicked this way comes… So, I had a complete meltdown Saturday. I was eating an orange on the way to the bank and when I got to the drive-through ATM machine, my fingers were sticky and the machine was not recognizing my responses to the prompts and there was an impatient car behind me and
- [Judging the Shrimp Festival](https://wakinguptheghost.com/judging-the-shrimp-festival/) - Does this photo make anyone else feel a little oozy? Last night Kim and I watched a marathon of singing talent shows, where we consistently agreed with each other and disagreed with the celebrity judges, on the merits of all the contestants. Kim’s criteria for who should move on to the next round was based on singing ability, performance and song
- [PAWS](https://wakinguptheghost.com/paws/) - Sprinkles was rescued from Gizmo’s Gerbil Circus and needs a good home… Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) Sometimes acronyms don’t paint the proper picture. To me, PAWS sounds a little too cutesy for the real, painful syndrome it represents. It also shares its name with the Performing Animals Welfare Society, and now whenever I think
- [Hangovers](https://wakinguptheghost.com/hangovers/) - The best thing about being sober is the morning… According to the National Health Service (NHS), UK, there is no “treatment” for a hangover – the best way to avoid one is either not to drink, or to drink sensibly and within the recommended limits… (duh) I feel great this morning! My only
- [The Feast of St. Patrick](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-feast-of-st-patrick/) - Later, the bar top will be awash with stale booze and there won’t be any toilet paper in the bathrooms and NO ONE will notice… I’m half Irish, I’m an alcoholic, it’s St. Patrick’s Day and I write a sobriety blog. It’s the perfect storm. You would think less of me (let’s face it), if I
- [The Milk of Human Kindness](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-milk-of-human-kindness/) - … Yet do I fear thy nature, It is too full o’ th’ milk of human kindness To catch the nearest way. Kindness and Recovery Can we ever be too kind? Is a simple act of kindness ever a detriment to success? Does kindness ever open the door to exploitation? I was listening to another
- [Russian and Sober…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/russian-and-sober/) - Name Day by Oleg Korchagin …sounds like a non sequitur doesn’t it? I hope I’m not one of those people who always talk about the good (and bad) old days. I am not looking back per se, and I am living a very exciting life at the moment, but I did do some really
- [Crabs](https://wakinguptheghost.com/crabs/) - And endless sea… And a dog who understands the joy of homecoming… But doesn’t know how to pace herself… And more endless sea… I’m going home. If you love the blog (or even if you don’t), subscribe in the box above and it will come in your email. Like me on Facebook Follow me
- [Beating a Dead Horse?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/beating-a-dead-horse/) - This horse is NOT dead… Or: Is Alcoholism a Choice, Revisited I am one of those people who will beat a subject (or a joke) into the ground. My son Jon Jon is the person who calls me on it regularly. During the Christmas holiday, he told me that every time I give his dog a
- [The Choices We Make](https://wakinguptheghost.com/choices-make/) - …misery acquaits a man with strange bed bedfellows… Fiona and Vincent – choosing to be friends. Does it make you feel better to know your misguided behavior and misery while drinking, is caused by a disorder or a syndrome or a disease or a D2 receptor that limits your pleasure like a nun at Catholic boarding
- [Grateful…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/grateful/) - When I think of the Caribbean… This weekend I wrote a joint post with the Sober Senorita on living and drinking in the Caribbean. There is a point in our blog conversation, where Kelly waxes poetic about why she would never go back to drinking. It is heartfelt and quite beautiful, and it was a bit embarrassing to
- [Blackouts](https://wakinguptheghost.com/blackouts/) - Stop the world. I want to get off. Is that why we drink to oblivion? I’m feeling dizzy… My favorite thing about being sober is the morning. I no longer wake with that OH–OH feeling. There is no moral or psychical inventory necessary (I used to run a finger over my porcelain veneers every morning
- [Living in Paradise: Why Addicts Go to the Caribbean](https://wakinguptheghost.com/living-paradise-addicts-go-caribbean/) - No man is an island, entire of itself… The Galloit Bank in the Exumas, The Bahamas I’m excited about today’s joint post with the Sober Señorita. Kelly Fitzgerald writes a great blog, and we’ve got a lot in common: we are sober; we both lived and drank in the Caribbean; we have both moved away from Paradise;
- [The World’s Most Addictive Foods…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/worlds-addictive-foods/) - Here’s a sentence you’ll probably never hear anyone utter: I need to talk to someone about the fact I am addicted to apples; I hide them in my ankle boots and eat them when I’m all alone… Why is it we are only addicted to processed foods and drinks? And why do
- [Hidden Clutter Disorder](https://wakinguptheghost.com/hidden-clutter-disorder/) - I made that up. I have been accused of being a perfectionist by those who do not know me very well; the people who have not opened a drawer, or gotten close enough to notice the mustard stain on my lapel. I am actually a startling combination of flawlessness and havoc: the qualities that intrigue men
- [Empowerment…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/empowerment/) - Something you don’t see every day… Recovering alcoholics shouting from the rooftops, “I QUIT DRINKING! I’M AMAZING!” I quit drinking!!! Think about that. I had a three bottle of wine a day habit that consumed my life, and I found a way to quit. Let’s not talk about how I quit drinking, or
- [Snowed in With My Thoughts (and a Dog Who Hasn’t Pooped in 3 Days…)](https://wakinguptheghost.com/snowed-thoughts-dog-hasnt-pooped-3-days/) - That dot on the right is Fiona trying to find a patch of grass… All work and no play makes Mare a dull girl. All work and no play makes Mare a dull girl. All work and no play makes Mare a dull girl. All work and no play makes Mare a dull girl.
- [Secrets and Sin-Eaters](https://wakinguptheghost.com/secrets-sin-eaters/) - The beauty of seabirds, high above the garbage… In folklore, a sin-eater is a person who, through a ritual meal, takes on the sins of a household, often because of a recent death, absolving the soul and allowing that person to rest in peace. I am very much alive, but I am thinking this morning, of
- [Is Alcoholism a Disease?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/alcoholism-disease/) - Is Alcoholism a Disorder? And does it matter what handle we give it, as long as we know it’s not a choice? A few years ago I went to a psychologist. I was pretty much drunk the entire first year after my divorce and I was haphazard about my personal safety. It seemed that
- [Into the Wilderness](https://wakinguptheghost.com/wilderness/) - This was happening while I was writing… Written at 1:00 A.M. I’m back in Georgia. There’s ice on the balcony, but the driveway is clear. My big fear was that I would have to park the car below the house and crawl up the drive with my belongings strapped to my back. Neighbor Bob
- [Selfie Madness](https://wakinguptheghost.com/selfie-madness/) - I am going to be writing a human interest column for Arbus Magazine. The inaugural article will be in Arbus’s March/April issue, and I am excited about the opportunity. When I submitted my article, my only concern was that I didn’t have an appropriate photograph to send with my bio. You’ve seen the photos of me on this blog,
- [Weight Gain and Recovery.  Are you KIDDING Me?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/weight-gain-recovery-kidding/) - On the television show VEEP, the Vice President of the United States is given the task of spearheading the campaign to reduce obesity in America. She says to her chief of staff, “The President knows I am made uncomfortable by fat people. You want to know the secret to keeping weight off? Shut your (expletive) pie
- [The Cure for Alcoholism](https://wakinguptheghost.com/cure-alcoholism/) - For jollies, I Googled “cure for alcoholism”. It seemed like one of those aphorisms you might see pop up on the side of your Facebook feed like “lose five pounds of belly fat today!” or “how to become a millionaire!” and I’m a sucker for those… There are actually a number of books that claim
- [My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/terrible-horrible-no-good-bad-day/) - I had a hangover yesterday morning. I knew I was giving up sugar for Lent, so I sat watching Netflix with Lauren the night before (like a condemned prisoner), eating all the Valentine’s candy she had in the house. I get a sugar hangover. But it was more than that… The minute I
- [Lent](https://wakinguptheghost.com/lent/) - Goodbye, bite sized candy which used to come in large bars and is designed to give you a smaller portion option, but I eat the whole bag(s)… When I was drinking, I would think about giving up wine for Lent every year. I’d have this moral argument in my head and always come up
- [The Healing Power of Laughter…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/healing-power-laughter/) - Last night Kim and Dee and I watched the 40th Anniversary of Saturday Night Live together. I’m in Jacksonville and its been a couple months since I’ve seen either of them. We sat in Kim’s theater with lap blankets and gassy water, and laughed until our sides hurt, we cried, we were weak, and any other
- [Hero](https://wakinguptheghost.com/hero/) - May the wind always be at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, and rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand. Today I’m not drinking because I’m remembering Tim… How come you’re not drinking?
- [Sober Coach](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sober-coach/) - Watch his left hook, kid – there’s a shot of bourbon in his hand – and his upper cut has a glass of white wine in it… What do you think of when you hear the term “Sober Coach”? I think of Robert Downey Jr.’s muscle bound babysitter, whipping up emerald green drinks in a
- [Panic Attacks and Alcohol…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/panic-attacks-alcohol/) - …go together like a horse and carriage, or more appropriately, a gin and tonic. Panic attacks are linked inextricably to binge drinking, alcoholism and even the early stages of alcohol withdrawal. A panic attack is defined as: a sudden feeling of acute and disabling anxiety. says: A full-blown panic attack includes a combination of the
- [A Single Word](https://wakinguptheghost.com/single-word/) - I am really, really good at Scrabble… A friend of mine suggested, if I couldn’t think of anything to write about, I should start with a single word*. Like the first step toward sobriety, he said it would be a catalyst – a spark to the verbal genus that eludes. The problem with that
- [Sober England](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sober-england/) - Boris Bikes BORE US when we can’t stop at THE CAT AND THISTLE for a refreshing shandy… With Val and Coco. Just over a year ago, I was in England. I was six months into my sobriety and vaguely miserable… I am not one of those people who decided to become sober and turned
- [Barfly](https://wakinguptheghost.com/bar-fly-certain-age/) - It’s funny, the things one remembers from college. I went to Northern Michigan University in Marquette and I remember little about my studies and nothing about my professors, with the exception of Jerry Cushman and Phillip Legler. Jerry Cushman was my big crush – my gay, modern dance teacher who choreographed the troupe, writhing on dusty
- [The Place We Call Home](https://wakinguptheghost.com/places-call-home/) - As I pulled into the driveway after the long car trip from Jacksonville to Georgia, I turned to Fiona and said, “We’re home!” This is not my house or my furnishings. None of my possessions are here – not my art, not my books, not my Barbie collection, not even my best shoes. So what is it
- [Good Luck!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/good-luck/) - Dear Miss Manners: What does one say to an alcoholic who has announced they have quit drinking? Love, Miss Mare Dear Miss Mare: The appropriate response is: “Congratulations,” without the exclamation point (a bit too exuberant) or “Good for you.” ***** I am a polite person. I know how to deport myself. For example, I know
- [One Foot in Front of the Other…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/one-foot-front/) - I lived in San Francisco for a few years. I did not leave my heart there. I lived on Knob Hill and other than strolling to the bars along the crest of my neighborhood, any walk, anywhere, was an aerobic nightmare. I often think of the little, old, Chinese ladies in San Francisco, whenever I embark on a difficult
- [How Do I Stop?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/stop/) - I have been communicating with a woman who is trying to quit drinking. Alcohol has become a problem in her life and it is beginning to negatively impact her work and family. We have exchanged emails during a difficult time for her, and although I am not a doctor (aren’t you GLAD), I have had the
- [Spoiling the Moment…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/officer-sure-know-spoil-good-time/) - As far as the eye can see… I’m in Jacksonville for a few days and low tide was at 7 AM yesterday morning, so I decided to take Fiona to the beach. It was a perfect beach day – chilly, but with the wind coming off the mainland and buffered by the dunes. In all the
- [Why We’re Not Anonymous Alcoholics](https://wakinguptheghost.com/alcoholics-anonymous/) - Lotta Dann is a woman I admire who writes a blog called Mrs. D is Going Without. She has also written a book by the same name. She and I got together (from across the world – she’s a New Zealander) to talk about why we have decided to come out of the closet as named alcoholics. Lotta Dann
- [What About the Innocents?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/innocents/) - Those who are effected by alcohol because they are the responsibility of an alcoholic? How’s that for a non sequitur? I’m talking about the children and pets who are under the thumb of someone under the thumb of alcohol… In the photo above you see a guilty Fiona dripping in Georgia mountain mud – she
- [If You Give an Alcoholic a Muffin*…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/give-alcoholic-muffin/) - It occurred to me that alcoholics are oftentimes like those lovable grifters from children’s books who come to stay when mom’s away and cause trouble. The Cat in The Hat springs to mind, or the annoying moose who, when given a free muffin, demands jam and a washcloth and the change from your piggy
- [Romancing the Drink](https://wakinguptheghost.com/dancing-addiction/) - I have an entire series of blurry, “Bright Lights Big City” photos of this night – I have no idea who took them, but they are PERFECT depictions… More and more I am inspired by readers who write to me with comments and suggestions. Some of their musings are pure poetry… I try to
- [Bad Habits](https://wakinguptheghost.com/habits/) - A habit (or wont) is a routine of behavior that is repeated regularly and tends to occur unconsciously. Like brushing your teeth first thing in the morning or putting on the breaks at a stop sign. It is also the costume of a Catholic nun. Don’t you just love the English language? Don’t you
- [Stoicism](https://wakinguptheghost.com/stoicism/) - I think to deal with some of life’s exigencies, it is best to be insane. I’ve told you that I can compartmentalize to the point of delusion. I am also unflappable in situations when most people would throw their hands in the air and run around like turkeys or check into hotels… Last night I
- [If I Could Do it All Over Again…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/give-yoursef-break-mare/) - This sturm und drang does not suit me well. I am weary of being weary of the weather. You see how capricious I am? I can’t even drum up a proper depression without getting bored… I got a letter from a reader yesterday asking the question: If you could do it all over again
- [Don’t Go North…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/dont-go-north/) - I went to a dinner party in the mountains a while ago. It was one of those affairs where you sit in a log “cabin” with rough hewn bannisters and decorative moose antlers, using grand-mama’s china and silver. You sit next to someone you don’t know, with a plate of the local fare in front of you and
- [Ten Reasons to NOT Drink When You Live on a Georgia Mountaintop](https://wakinguptheghost.com/ten-reasons-recovering-alcoholic-good-thing-live-mountain/) - I’m trying to be positive, but the photo was taken at Christmas – I haven’t seen blue sky in six days… I feel better today. Thank you for all the comments and emails and calls. I am not going to jump. Actually when you live on a mountaintop you can’t jump – you’d have
- [Color me Gray…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/color-gray/) - I particularly like the through-the-screen photo – like it’s taken from within an insane asylum… Okay, this morning I’m INSIDE a cloud. And I’m not flying through the air to someplace exotic or warm. I opened the door to let Fiona go to the bathroom and she peeked out, turned around and went back to bed.
- [The Post-Holiday Blues…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/danger-post-holiday-blues/) - SUNRISE in the Georgia mountains in January… No wonder I’m depressed… This blog started out as a daily journal to keep myself honest about my problems with drinking. I really didn’t think about the byproduct – helping others – until I started getting emails and comment from those who were suffering. I now have
- [Alcohol Shrinks the Brain???](https://wakinguptheghost.com/alcohol-shrinks-brain/) - People write to me regularly and make suggestions for blog topics. I post almost every day, and although I am positively fecund on the topic of alcoholism, I do stare at the screen occasionally with a blank mind, so I am grateful… Which brings me to today’s topic – thanks Richard, now I’m worried I’m
- [Cold Weather and Boozing…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/cold-weather-boozing/) - Only for YOU would I get out of the car, take off my gloves and get this shot of ICE ON THE (fast moving) CREEK. Yikes. It’s 7 degrees in Georgia and I don’t drink. It got me thinking about whether climate is a trigger for alcohol consumption. There’s not a lot to
- [Learning Differences and Alcoholism](https://wakinguptheghost.com/learning-differences-alcoholism/) - That’s me in school, quietly despising the smarty-pants at my table who is trying to explain an indecipherable GRAPH… I’d like to stab him in the eyes with one of those sharp number 2 pencils… You’re not supposed to call them “disabilities” anymore. I’m always the last person to get the memo on changes
- [Mountains and Mud](https://wakinguptheghost.com/mountains-mud/) - The only greenery in the Georgia woods in winter – the snarl at the top of Hall Creek Falls… I think I talk about hiking a lot. It’s one of the things I love to do and it makes sense to talk about it on a sobriety blog because it is rather hard to
- [Taking a Break From Alcohol…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/taking-break-alcohol/) - …is not like taking a break from a relationship. When someone tells you they “want to take a break” from a relationship it means they want to break up but they’re scared to tell you. When someone says they are “taking a break from alcohol” it means just that – they are not drinking for
- [Happy New Year!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/happy-new-year-2/) - 2014 accomplishment – hike to Hall Creek Falls…I’m taking the picture, but I climbed to the top – all the fabulous pictures Jon Jon took of me are sideways or upside down… Don’t worry. I know it’s the second of January. There has been no bender – no time warp. I am firmly in
- [Warning Signs of Alcoholism – Dare to Take the Test?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/warning-signs-alcoholism-stack/) - This is a good party game. The list comes from The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. It is not as preachy as the old test with questions like “Do you ever drink alone?” and “Do you ever think about drinking in the morning?” Is it just me or is that like asking “Do you ever
- [Treating Alcoholism With Drugs?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/treating-alcoholism-drugs/) - There was a recent Wall Street Journal article about the new approach to treating alcoholism with drugs. Naltrexone: Kills the buzz some get from drinking; Acamprosate: Reduces irritability and other withdrawal symptoms; Disulfiram: Creates unpleasant symptoms after drinking, and so on. Who comes up with the names for drugs? Disulfiram presumably makes you feel a lot worse than a
- [My First Speech at an AA Christmas Meeting…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/first-speech-aa-christmas-meeting/) - Carry Nation or Lizzie Borden? The new face and voice of sobriety? I don’t think so – not yet… …didn’t happen. I was invited to speak on Sunday at an open AA meeting in Jacksonville, by a lovely woman I have come to know through the blog. The night I was to make the eight
- [The Best Christmas Ever…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/best-christmas-ever/) - When last we spoke, I was battling a tangled string of cheap Christmas lights in the top of a tree. Sober. I would like to report that Christmas came in spite of my clumsy, fruitless attempts to dazzle. Lauren and Jon Jon and Kallie arrived without incident, the rain stopped (although the ‘crick did rise) and they
- [Making Christmas II](https://wakinguptheghost.com/making-christmas/) - Christmas Eve Eve… My children are coming to Georgia for Christmas. I’m so excited I didn’t sleep last night. I was so exhausted on the dangerous, mountain road to Helen (I had to go there to pick up a chicken pot pie – don’t ask…) I had to slap myself and roll down the windows
- [Wino in a Wine Tasting Room…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/alcoholic-wine-tasting/) - Appropriate – the dried vines, the unused grapes… I went to a wine tasting yesterday. Glutton for punishment you ask? Remember the movie Sideways where the lead character is so distraught and desperate to get drunk, he downs the spit-bowl on the counter at a snooty winery? That’s what you picture, right? I didn’t cause a
- [I Like Your Attitude…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/like-attitude/) - I have to be honest with you. I am impatient. For an impatient person at Christmas, Hiawassee Georgia is probably not the best place to be. I was at a traffic roundabout yesterday – a circle around a historic building (tricked out with wreaths and candles at every window). This roundabout has a traffic light
- [We’re Going to Need a Bigger Glass…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/glass-isnt-big-enough/) - If this were a river of wine, laying down with my mouth under the wine-fall might just be ENOUGH… I got an interesting comment yesterday, from CAZ. She answered the question HOW COME YOU’RE NOT DRINKING? with: Because I can’t find a large enough glass. To a non-alcoholic, this answer might sound cheeky or
- [Alcoholism and Isolation](https://wakinguptheghost.com/alcoholism-isolation/) - I was back on the Podcast at Since Right Now yesterday. We talked about Alcoholism and Isolation and a few other things ex-boozers like to talk about. Have you ever been on the radio and heard your voice for the first time the way others hear It? I have this sort of Lady Bountiful, slightly nasal, lyrical delivery
- [My Very Dust is Laughing…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/dust-laughing/) - Someone wrote to me and asked why I post so many photos of cemeteries. Hello – this blog is called Waking Up the Ghost… When I was in high school I was a thespian (oh get your mind out of the gutter – it doesn’t mean I kissed girls…). My drama teacher Mr. Lee, would
- [My D2 Receptor is Acting Up Again (I hate when that happens)…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/d2-receptor-mutation-acting/) - I’m pretty excited. I was doing some research on addiction and the brain this morning; there is a strong correlation between a mutated dopamine D2 receptor and addiction and I wanted more information. On some level I like to know that my more malignant attributes (alcoholism, binge eating, hyperactivity) are the result of a variation in my pleasure
- [God, New Hiking Boots and the Appalacian Trail](https://wakinguptheghost.com/hiking-appalacian-trail/) - I seem to find God when I am hiking. I am fortunate to hike in remote, beautiful places, often alone. It usually feels disrespectful, or dangerous to listen to music, so I hike in silence. It’s the perfect formula for contemplation – begging the questions, where did all this splendor come from and why
- [Bad Apostrophe!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/bad-punctuation/) - The sign says Merry Christmas Y’all – a proper use of the apostrophe, and Merriam Webster says it’s a WORD… I can’t take it anymore. It will drive me to drink. Everywhere I look there are misplaced or missing apostrophes – on placards, on Facebook mewling, on Christmas card familial updates… Examples: On
- [Dollar General, Christmas Shopping and Alcoholism…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/dollar-general-christmas-shopping-alcoholism/) - All of this for $38.00!!! The title may be a bit misleading, because I don’t think this post will be about drinking or not drinking at all. I shopped at the Hiawassee Dollar General yesterday and I am a changed woman, so that is what I feel compelled to crow about… First of all, everything
- [Dreams of Christmas Past (in The Bahamas)…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/dreams-christmas-bahamas/) - Sunrise at Blue Heaven’s tiki hut… Morning, morning. That’s how they say it in The Bahamas. You head to the yacht club for coffee at 7 AM after a long night of partying and you’re hung over and when you get there a few people are sitting at the bar nursing Bloodies and you wonder
- [The Monster at the Open Bar](https://wakinguptheghost.com/lovely-monster-table/) - It’s the holiday party season. This morning I am remembering the way I used to behave at parties when I was still a drinker. My husband called it the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde syndrome, but it was actually more of a four part social disintegration. It went like this: One: I’d arrive at a
- [O Christmas Tree..](https://wakinguptheghost.com/oh-christmas-tree/) - Cabin Beautiful Magazine, right? The dog, the faded armchairs, the faux fur throw, the writing nook… One of the things I am grateful for since my divorce, is being able to choose the annual Christmas tree without my husband in attendance. Every year, the children and I (in seizures of celebratory joy) would find
- [Have You Ever Been Stalked?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/stalkers/) - Sad, stalker shoes… Help. I looked at a pair of boots on Zappos a few days ago, and now whenever I go onto Facebook, a picture of the same boots pops up on the right side of the feed. How does it know? Then yesterday I was researching something for this blog and right before
- [Happy](https://wakinguptheghost.com/happy-2/) - Lauren’s photo of a humiliated (if festive) Fiona… Remember the scene in the movie The Grinch when he cries with happiness and reaches up with a hairy green hand to feel the tears on his face with surprise and wonder? Then he calls his dog and says, “Come here Max, I LOVE YA!” When the
- [God’s Country](https://wakinguptheghost.com/gods-country/) - Lord willing and the crick don’t rise… Yesterday morning Lauren got up, looked out of the window at the rain and said, “I hope the creek doesn’t rise…” It sounded funny coming out of her mouth, proper English and all, but the fact is, we have a new thing to worry about. According to neighbor
- [Neighbors and Woodchippers…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/whos-psycho/) - This is not my neighborhood. Can you image coming home drunk to this place? It reminds me of the theme song to Weeds… I met my neighbor yesterday. It was one of those weird encounters where I wandered into his yard looking for Fiona and we ended up giving each other the short version of
- [Throw Back Thursday…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/throw-back-thursday/) - Sirens on the island of the Lotus Eaters… It’s a little dangerous for me to go through old photographs. The ones of The Bahamas still give me a punch in the gut. It’s like looking at photos of the happy times with the boyfriend you adored, who was wrong for you (I have one of
- [Making Christmas](https://wakinguptheghost.com/mitigating-factors/) - I didn’t write for a couple of days because I was busy. I was working. I was decorating Lisa’s house for Christmas – hauling poinsettias and wrapping sprigs of holly around bannisters like the Grinch when he brought the gifts back… When I wasn’t working, I was waiting in the hospital for Kim to have a
- [Pornagraphy or Art?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/pornagraphy-art/) - Porno from my collection – Eve by Altay Sadigzade For many years I was an art dealer in Jacksonville, Florida. I owned a gallery called Spiller Vincenty with Kim, and we began by importing post-Glasnost Russian art. It was the first generation of art to emerge from the former Soviet Union after the government disbanded their system of recognizing
- [Thanksgiving](https://wakinguptheghost.com/thanksgiving/) - They’re Anthropology pajama pants – I KNOW you want them… It’s 7 AM and I have done all my chores. I have cleaned the kitchen, bagged the recyclables, walked three dogs (more on that another day…), swept up five dustpans full of dirt on the kitchen floor and “organized” the kitchen for what I assume
- [Garbage in my Trunk…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/garbage-trunk/) - Where I was… The title is not a metaphor, or a reference to my ass… Yesterday I called my son Jonathan to say, “I’m on the way to your house. Oh, and I have a bag of garbage in the trunk.” Jon Jon is the only person I know who would not only empathize with that statement,
- [The Ghost of Thanksgiving Past…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/ghost-thanksgivings-past/) - I would not be honest If I didn’t tell you I have cooked most of my Thanksgiving dinners drunk. In the old days, while I was preparing things in the early morning hours, I’d pop a bottle of champers and drink it mixed with juice while I worked. When the bottle of champagne was gone,
- [It’s the Holidays: What is Problem Drinking?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/problem-drinking/) - It looks festive, doesn’t it? I don’t want to be a downer, but the holidays present inordinate opportunities to overindulge. For those of us with drinking issues, there are triggers around every corner. I started thinking about drinking this morning – not about actually drinking , but about the subject of imbibing during the holidays and what
- [Wear a Coat!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/wear-coat/) - That ribbon of road to the left is my driveway… I once had a psychologist tell me my biggest problem was not alcoholism, but the fact I did not pay attention to my surroundings. He said, “It’s 48 degrees outside today. You are wearing a silk blouse. Pay attention and take better care of
- [REDRUM](https://wakinguptheghost.com/redrum/) - This photograph does not begin to properly show the isolation and the beauty of this place… I am going to live in the Georgia mountains for a few months. I am staying in a “Wilderness Community” in a cabin with a massive stone fireplace and eccentric neighbors. I have packed boxed soups, apples, winter garments, razor blades,
- [Mothers](https://wakinguptheghost.com/woman-mother/) - It’s another kind of skin; it has a heart, a mouth, a liver and bowel movements. The walls are permanent and pink. See how she sits on her knees all day, faithfully washing herself down. Men enter by force, drawn back like Jonah into their fleshy mothers. A woman is her mother. That’s the main
- [Coffee. A Transfer Addiction?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/coffee/) - Apparently I have a new addiction. It popped up this weekend like a boil. I was staying at Lauren’s and we were getting ready to go for a long walk on the beach and I found myself sitting on her couch with my hands clutching my cheeks like Munch’s The Scream saying, “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND! I
- [Falling Down](https://wakinguptheghost.com/falling/) - Watch where you walk! I fell down on Saturday. Lauren and I were putting away her Halloween decorations at one of my many storage spaces. As we came out of the building I stepped on a stone just wrong, and my loose (but stylish fold-down, stacked heal) boot gave way. I hit my knee, my side
- [I Guess I’m a Dry Drunk…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/guess-im-dry-drunk/) - Isn’t it inviting? …or experiencing sobriety but not recovery, because I’ll be damned if I didn’t get hit hard with a craving for alcohol yesterday. What is it about airports? I almost didn’t write about this, because it is repulsive to me. I have not had a drink for fifteen months and I would like to
- [Is It Me?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/is-it-me/) - Is it just me or are AA meetings not always that easy to find? This is not a rhetorical question. I’m in Flint looking for a meeting and when I Googled AA meetings Flint Michigan, I got a hodgepodge of websites touting services to problem drinkers and a glut of options so varied and obtuse I started to
- [Man is in the Forest (With a Flask)…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/shit-im-still-resentful-whole-alcohol-thing/) - I have a friend named Mark who lives in Michigan. I’m thinking of him this morning. I was feeling resentful about not being able to drink yesterday, and it’s all his fault. Mark is one of those people who does really fun, outrageous drinking activities and then goes back to his important job with great stories to
- [The High Price of being High](https://wakinguptheghost.com/high-price-alcoholism/) - Recovering alcoholics talk about the evils of boozing all the time: the injurious falls; the broken relationships; the missed opportunities; the emotional toll. We never seem to talk about the cost of drinking. I’m talking about the actual amount of money it takes to be a lush. When I was a drinker, I put
- [The Loneliness of the Agnostic Alcoholic?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/loneliness-agnostic-alcoholic/) - I am totally unqualified to write the post I’m about to write. But I just listened to a thought provoking podcast from the guys at Since Right Now and I’m thinking this morning (till my thinker gets sore) about God and His role in my recovery from alcoholism. http://www.sincerightnow.com/pdcst/ I’m also tiptoeing around WORDS this morning because
- [I am Gruntled and Whelmed With a Rush of Joy…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/gruntled-whelmed-rush-joy/) - Okay class, is this a depiction of someone who is whelmed or OVERWHELMED? I’m so excited. I discovered today that there is such a thing as being whelmed – without the “over”. It means engulfed. And one can be gruntled too, without the “dis”. It means satisfied. Why didn’t I know this? And I was talking
- [A Man With New Appliances…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/man-new-appliances/) - Today is my birthday. As the old dirge says, “I’m another day older and a’ deeper in debt…” I Googled “birthday” this morning, because I love to read the condescending descriptions for those iconic things we should just know, like “ponies” or “water”. Wikipedia explains: A birthday is a day that comes once a year when
- [Haunted Sculpture and I’m not Sure I Like my Hair…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/haunted-sculptures-im-sure-like-hair/) - I posted a picture of The River Rest Cemetery a few days ago; it was featured in an article about Flint’s Most Haunted Places, because a J Seward Johnson creation called Crack the Whip is supposed to kill you (or worse) if you put your foot in the sculpture’s whimsical, mislaid child’s sandal. If you read this blog regularly,
- [Triggers (Happy Halloween)…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/triggers-happy-halloween/) - Oh for God’s sake – I’m not going to KILL MYSELF… This is my gun though and I know how to use it. I’m feeling like I’m feeling this morning and I am wondering why. It’s Halloween, it’s raining and I’m sorely disappointed. When I look in the mirror it’s not me looking back. My limbs
- [Podunk Politics and How Spoiled I Am…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/podunk-politics-spoiled/) - Over the top? But I couldn’t write this morning and it’s cold and I had to drive a long way to get coffee… Or in the Old Days I Would Have Tied One on, Started a Fight in the Former Yugoslavia and Thrown my Computer in the Garbage – in that order… I once asked for a
- [Airport Alcoholics](https://wakinguptheghost.com/airport-alcoholics/) - Every time I walk into an airport I am inundated by the memories of tipsy journeys past. My husband was a nervous traveler and although we spent a lot of time in airports, my most lasting memory of traveling with him is of running. We would schlep our heavy carry-ons and sprint up sky scraping escalators from the bowels
- [Cold Weather Memories and Melancholy…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/cold-weather-memories-melancholy/) - The last vestiges of fall at River Rest Cemetery… I’m in Flint, Michigan; it’s the Halloween season – my absolute favorite; and I write a blog called Waking Up the Ghost. So sue me for taking photos in the River Rest Cemetery (where all my dead relatives reside) and for my macabre desire to embrace things melancholy and autumnal
- [Yes, I’m a Loner…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/yes-im-loner/) - I lived on Jacksonville Beach for 3 years but DROVE to Guanna to walk for the GLORIOUS isolation… I think to be a recluse you have to be really rich. Poor folks just hole up… There has been a lot written about introversion and alcoholism. We all know that alcoholics isolate. But I have recently talked to
- [Tiptoeing Past the Dragon…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/waking-ghost/) - When we have ONE drink, we wake the monster and he is THIRSTY, n’est-ce pas? We all have names for it. The Ghost, the Sleeping Giant, the Devil, the Dragon. It’s the alcoholic’s most terrifying bugaboo. Waiting in the back of the mind, or the pantry, or the neighborhood pub is a monster who rears an ugly
- [Dreams of the Alcoholic…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/dreams/) - I had someone I’ve met through the blog send me a note asking if I ever dream of drinking. She said she’s been thinking of dreams lately – can’t get it out of her mind: dreams while she was drinking, sober dreams and dreams of drinking (the scariest kind she says). Now I can’t get
- [First Among Equals](https://wakinguptheghost.com/first-among-equals/) - My beach on Staniel Cay. Is it fair to say alcohol took it from me? Is it fair? I reconnected with a couple of women from Staniel Cay recently. They both admitted they had always been worried about me and my drinking. Unbeknownst to me, one of them is a long time recovering alcoholic who had
- [Marilyn’s Roadhouse Mausoleum Bar and Grill](https://wakinguptheghost.com/marilyns-roadside-mausoleum-bar-grill/) - Did I mention I used to own an art gallery? Art guys are my favorite category of people – smart, well read, funny, articulate… I was a bit of a drinker in those days, and I still contend the best conversations I’ve ever had, have been while drinking with artists. On one occasion, the Tony’s were
- [The Sexy Side of Drinking and Smoking…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sexy-side-smoking-drinking/) - I can SMELL this image… Today I’d like to talk about drinking’s ugly sister – smoking. People still do that you know. Even though these days we have too many facts. We’ve all seen those people on the Truth ads who rasp through synthesizers with ghastly scars above their hearts, their teenage son’s giving them
- [A Beach a Dog and a Dead Fish…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/beach-dog-dead-fish/) - I seem to end up at the beach whenever I have an important decision to make. It’s the vastness, the limitlessness of the ocean that renders my travails a little bit more manageable… I am overwhelmed at the moment by so many things, I don’t know whether to get another cup of coffee or sit in a
- [The Allegory of the Gas Station](https://wakinguptheghost.com/runner/) - I’m sorry… Or: Drunk or Sober, Sometimes Doing a Runner is the Only Option… I was telling a story at dinner last night and everyone laughed and said I should put it in a blog post. I’m sitting here trying to find an allegory. I think however, this was just one of those Marilyn moments
- [The Art of Lying…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/art-lying/) - I once worked with a guy, who taught me how to lie (sounds like the start of a dirty limerick…). He said the key to lying effectively is: keep it simple and keep it close to the truth. Jon Jon says there is a point in a lie when one should just stop talking. He’s referring to
- [Doggedness](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sticktoitiveness/) - I need love too… I have been told I am dogged. Once I get the notion to do something I just find a way to do it. Like climbing a mountain in Puerto Rico when I’m out of shape, or quitting drinking after twenty years of perilous boozing. It’s not a quality I particularly admire
- [Hangovers and Responsibilities…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/hangovers-responsibilities/) - OR Who Walks the Dog Today? I spent the evening with Lauren and Fiona last night (two of my very favorite bitches…). Lauren is taking care of Fiona while I find a place to live. They were both happy, healthy and very happy to see me. That’s saying something from a Class A Drunk: two important relationships I
- [I’ve Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/ive-got-lovely-bunch-coconuts/) - Puerto Rico’s most deadly pitfalls… Jon Jon says he read somewhere that more people die each year from being hit on the head with coconuts than being struck by lightning. I think of it every time I walk beneath a palm tree. It’s one of life’s classic pitfalls – no one prepares for it. We run indoors
- [Getting to the Top of the Mountain](https://wakinguptheghost.com/getting-top-mountain/) - Yeah, I did it. The very tip top of the hill over Los Palmas… Some things in life are almost too symbolic to mention. As if the great poet in the sky has scripted a scenario for the express purpose of teaching a lesson. Climbing a mountain is a metaphor for reaching one’s goals, or in
- [The D2 Receptor Mutation (Good Band Name)](https://wakinguptheghost.com/d2-mutation/) - I’ve been reading about the “addiction gene” (the bugaboo, genetic variation suspected to predispose people to addiction) that engineers the dopamine D2 receptor. Dopamine is the brain’s reward system. The D2 receptors modulate how much you feel an experience. We alcoholics have fewer D2 receptors than normal drinkers. In other words even though we may drink more, we
- [Hiking With Kim](https://wakinguptheghost.com/hiking-kim/) - The “bennies” are finding a deserted beach… My hikes with Kim usually feel like cleaning the kitchen really well: satisfying, but with the notion that once it is done, it shouldn’t have to be done again. Ever. There are hills involved. She walks at a pace mere mortals call jogging, and the only thing
- [It Occurred to Me I’m Just Like Mike Tyson…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/comes-money-im-just-like-mike-tyson/) - …except I’ve never bitten off anyone’s ear or been accused of rape and I don’t have face tattoos or a speech impediment. And I can’t box. But I can squander money like the champ. And he admits to a “full-on raging addiction” to drugs and alcohol, so we have that in common. And these days he seems diminished
- [When is a Nap Like a Coma?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/nap-coma/) - OR WOULD VALMONT EVER DO THIS? Lest you worry I am beneath a bridge somewhere with my Louis Vuitton duffle under my head for a pillow, I am in Puerto Rico with Kim. Thank God for Kim (and her husband Claudio). She is the kind of true blue friend who comes to the penitentiary just
- [Empty Rooms](https://wakinguptheghost.com/empty-rooms/) - It kind of looks like The Mystery Spot doesn’t it? As if a small child in the far corner would look bigger than a grownup in the foreground… That is how I feel – like some gravitational oddity, some trick of the eye has rendered me small and tired and sore and scared. Everything hurts. You
- [Good, Byes?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/good-byes/) - I’m moving. From the aerie I have lived in for three years: a sort of elegant prison where I have isolated and waited like Rapunzel for something wonderful to happen. We have had some marvelous times here – birthday parties and late nights on the balcony listening to the inevitable white noise of the ocean. This is
- [I Have What Appears to be a Russian Blog Stalker…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/appears-russian-blog-stalker/) - when i read this piece of writing i thought i could also make comment due to this sensible paragraph. Russian is the first language, right? This is the kind of writing that makes me cringe and look for a red pen. I picture a room full of would-be internet crooks in the shadow of the Kremlin, trying
- [Drowning My Regret](https://wakinguptheghost.com/drowning-regret/) - I hate to be like a dog with a sock, but I can’t seem to shake the fact that one in three drowning incidents are alcohol related. I mentioned this statistic in the blog post on Saturday, and now I can’t get it out of my mind. It’s the symbolism, the poetry of the concept that’s haunting
- [Alcohol and Injury – Rainy Day Stats…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/alcohols-bad-stats/) - Jacksonville Beach this morning… Reading scholarly statistics about something as unmindful as excessive drinking can be amusing. First of all, excessive drinking is defined as 5 drinks for men and 4 drinks for women per day. Need I mention my previous, three-bottle-of-wine-a-day habit would translate into 15 drinks a day? I’m the statistical equivalent
- [Alcohol and Sex](https://wakinguptheghost.com/alcohol-sex/) - “Eve” by Altay Sadigzade Made you look. How do I put this delicately? When I was a drinker, I occasionally ended up in what might be called a compromising position. The best way to describe it is a fugue state: I didn’t black out exactly, but I’d find myself half dressed, or in an unfamiliar location, or with an unlikely man wondering how
- [Brooding, Boozy, Bards Blogging](https://wakinguptheghost.com/brooding-boozy-bards-blogging/) - OR IS BLOGGING, WRITING? F Scott Fitzgerald said, “You’ve got to sell your heart, your strongest reactions, not the little minor things that only touch you lightly, the little experiences that you might tell at dinner.” Isn’t that the essence of blogging? Telling the minor things, the dinner story things with photos that fit neatly
- [I’m Sorry…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/im-sorry/) - Hi. This is a test. I did not fly back to The Bahamas out of frustration. Soon all will be well… Today I’m not drinking because… actually I can’t think of a good reason… How come you’re not drinking?
- [Dog Napping or Dognapping?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/dog-napping-dognapping-either-way-im-paying-ransome/) - Either way, I’m not paying the ransom. I was speaking with Lisa yesterday. She told me that dognapping is on the rise. Her son’s two French Bulldogs were stolen from his yard a month ago and the culprits sent a ransom note demanding $1,500. It was neatly typed, enclosing a SSAE and an affidavit renouncing any claim to further action.
- [It’s National Take an Ex-Drunk to Lunch Day!!!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/national-take-ex-drunk-lunch-day/) - I made that up. But I do want to know who concocts these faux holidays and gets them onto the omniscient National Day Calendar. For example, today is National Restless Leg Syndrome Awareness Day. I’m looking forward to the festivities. Last week Laura sent me an email while doing important, life saving work at a major hospital: Arrrggghhh!
- [Boozy Barbie?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/boozy-barbie/) - FAO Schwartz – a Rockets Barbie – A three wine lunch – I must be in NYC… There has been a lot of negative press about Barbie’s proportions. If she were real, she’d apparently have to crawl on all fours like some exotic borzoi because her frame is too narrow, her feet too small and her
- [There’s an English Twit in Dee’s Phone…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/theres-english-twit-dees-phone/) - I went to the movies with Dee last night. Afterwards, we were sitting in the parking lot of Walgreens trying to get a bead on the wait time at Taco Lu. Every once in a while I long for the Yellow Pages (in the same way I occasionally pine for those stick hard candies with the
- [Happy Friday](https://wakinguptheghost.com/happy-friday/)
- [Winds From the East…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/winds-east/) - [Sings] Winds from the east… Mist comin’ in… Like something’s a brewin’, about to begin… Can’t put me finger on what lies in store… But I feel what’s to ‘appen, all ‘appened before…! Perhaps it was being in Michigan, or just the onset of autumn, but I’m feeling nostalgic and anticipatory this morning. Like the words
- [Reunion.](https://wakinguptheghost.com/reunion/) - Synonyms: homecoming; reconciliation; assembly; get-together; making up; reuniting.Yes I’m here in Flint doing all the above. With my mother. With my sister-in-law. With my long ago classmates… For the heck of it, I tried to find a word for negative reunions . It’s the way my mind works- I’ve been looking for a word for
- [Living a Small Life](https://wakinguptheghost.com/living-a-small-life/) - Dee said, “I want to live a small life.” Coming from someone who’s been around the world living large, it was a surprising statement. I think she meant she was ready for simplicity: no traffic, no unnecessary bills, no drama. I remember saying in response, “Not me. I’m not ready for that.” But walking around the
- [Why is No One Particularly Surprised There Was a Bear at My Condo?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/why-is-no-one-particularly-surprised-there-was-a-bear-at-my-condo/) - I think I should talk about the fact there was a wounded black bear on the grounds of my condo yesterday. Shall I remind you I live on the ocean in Jacksonville Beach? He hunkered down in the bushes near the walkway to the beach, until the animal control people drugged him and took him
- [All my Passwords have “Warhol” in them…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/all-my-passwords-have-warhol-in-them/) - Andy Warhol I am a deeply superficial person. Andy Warhol Words to live by.And I’m rethinking the dancing boys… Steve? Jayson? Hi. Innovation Group? Today I’m not drinking because I have to pack for 60 degree weather! And Fiona has to go to Lauren’s and I must remember passwords and my ID… How come you’re not
- [Why I Should Not be Allowed to Sell Stuff on EBay](https://wakinguptheghost.com/why-i-should-not-be-allowed-to-sell-stuff-on-ebay/) - I decided to sell a few things on EBay. For someone with my particular learning differences, ineptitude and intolerance for detail, this is a really bad idea.* The EBay buying/selling template is BUSY, and there is a confusing array of options. Small, colorful icons of items for sale (I don’t want)
- [False Deadlines and Other Bugaboos…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/false-deadlines-and-other-bugaboos-2/) - The sign says, “60 SECONDS FOR YOUR BURGER OR THE SECOND SANDWICH FREE!”* Who in the world came up with this gimmick? I picture some new Jacksonville Beach McDonald’s manager trying to make his mark in the fast food world with an attempt at an ice-bucket-challenge of an idea – BURGERS IN 60 SECONDS OR
- [Snap Decisions and Alcohol Abuse and Road Kill, Oh My…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/snap-decisions-and-alcohol-abuse-and-road-kill-oh-my/) - New research from Western University’s Brain and Mind Institute (BMI) has revealed that alcohol definitively impairs the human ability to override impulse or snap decisions that are natural responses to rapidly evolving situations.In other words, if you’re drunk you will probably be okay stopping the car in the driveway before ramming through the closed garage
- [Living the American Dream…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/living-the-american-dream/) - …Or I’m at Walgreens but I’m not buying Sutter Home Chardonnay. I was feeling sorry for myself yesterday. I won’t bore you with why. I went to Walgreens on Beach Boulevard to buy Skinny Pop Popcorn, Blow Pops and a box of Charleston Chews*. Have you noticed each Walgreens store seems to have a bit of merchandizing
- [Unite Against Alcohol!!! Oh Wait – Prohibition Will Always Fail…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/unite-against-alcohol-oh-wait-prohibition-will-always-fail/) - I mean really, who wants to kiss the battle axes on the left? And notice how many more placard carrying dudes there are below…and their message is direct and clear (not passive/aggressive like the women’s) and they are wearing car coats – very Mad Men. And the women on the left are Suffragettes and the men are
- [I’m Really MAD at Alcohol](https://wakinguptheghost.com/im-really-mad-at-alcohol/) - I just spent the last holiday weekend of the summer really mad at alcohol. This weekend Jacksonville’s hoards camped outside my balcony on a parched stretch of sand and partied like it was 2014. There were beach volleyball tourneys, picnics, shark baiting water games and the final push to suntan before the autumn’s inevitable onset. The booze abounded. Drunken people stumbled into
- [Google Doesn’t KNOW Me at All…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/google-doesnt-know-me-at-all/) - Feeling full of yourself this morning? Feeling important and at the top of your game? I was yesterday when I met with the technical guys who are moving my blog and helping me make it more user friendly and attractive. After all, I’ve been writing Waking Up the Ghost for a while now, I have
- [Alcoholism and Authors](https://wakinguptheghost.com/alcoholism-and-authors/) - It’s not difficult to list drunken authors. In fact it makes a good party game. There are countless examples of the inextricable link between creative (sometimes brilliant) writing and booze. Jack Kerouac said, “As I grew older I became a drunk. Why? Because I like ecstasy of the mind…” These critical, analytical days the quote sounds arrogant and
- [All Hallows Eve: The night when tipsy moms drive golf carts and lose their children in the marsh…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/all-hallows-eve-the-night-when-tipsy-moms-drive-golf-carts-and-lose-their-children-in-the-marsh/) - Would you get in a golf cart with these muthas’??? I know I’m jumping the gun and I promise I won’t do it again until October, but Lauren and Courtney have been posting things about Halloween and I’m feeling nostalgic and it’s so HOT here… Halloween is my favorite holiday. My house is decorated
- [How I Ended Up Tipsy With a Machete, in Nassau’s Odyssey Airport Security…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/how-i-ended-up-tipsy-with-a-machete-in-nassaus-odyssey-airport-security/) - I was at a pilot’s safety meeting last night at Jacksonville’s Craig Airfield. The topic was “Flight Review” and I listened to a flight instructor talk about how “fun” it is to practice landing after losing an engine at takeoff and to “touch and go” with cross winds: all part of the Flight Review process and designed to
- [Three Things I Thought I’d Never Say…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/three-things-i-thought-id-never-say/) - Looking at this photo of Current Island, one might think this is a cold place. Instead we carry wash cloths to blot the sweat running down our faces. 2. I addressed the congregation of the Current Settlement Methodist Church. Did too. It’s like the Grinch carving the roast beast, right? That’s my host Alicia Munroe
- [I’m Not Just an Ex-Drunk](https://wakinguptheghost.com/im-not-just-an-ex-drunk/) - Sometimes I think HUMOROUS EX-BOOZER will be my epitaph. This is a sobriety blog, and my primary focus is helping those who suffer from alcohol addiction, but I have started thinking lately about the other things I am. The other things I do. I am not quite as consumed by NOT DRINKING as I was six months
- [When “Honorable Mention” is More Than Enough…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/when-honorable-mention-is-more-than-enough/) - In January, I went to an eight day writer’s workshop called “Writer’s in Paradise.” It took place at Eckerd College and is quite prestigious I am told, with a faculty made up of famous writers* and a student body of gold star seeking, literary smarty pants. I submitted twenty-five pages of Waking Up the Ghost as a writing
- [The History of Alcohol Use](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-history-of-alcohol-use/) - Why do people drink? I was sitting in Lauren’s bed (shaking things up round here…), with Fiona snoring at my feet and contemplating this important question at 5 AM. The first thing that popped to my mind when this burning inquiry woke me was – advertising. People drink because they are influenced. So I went to the
- [Courting Crazies…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/courting-crazies/) - You’re entirely bonkers. But I’ll tell you a secret – ALL THE BEST PEOPLE ARE… (The date of this post is August 2014 – in Recovery Years that’s a long time to get smarter… 12/2016 M) The above is a quote I would have related to when I was drinking. I courted crazies like it
- [Fiona](https://wakinguptheghost.com/fiona/) - Fiona’s typical state of being… I bought Fiona online from a breeder in Oklahoma when I was drunk. For the first few months of her life, I was at my lowest point – drinking three bottles of wine a day and battling a mysterious bacterial infection that caused my joints to swell painfully. Walking her
- [Little Church in the Hood.](https://wakinguptheghost.com/little-church-in-the-hood/) - I’d like to crawl out of my own skin like some weary snake, leaving my discarded regret behind. I’d like to talk about a little, hundred year old Episcopal church in Springfield, called St. Mary’s. Kim has been trying (in her own quiet way) to get me there for many years. St. Mary’s is an outreach
- [Woman at a gas pump – ruining my serenity…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/woman-at-a-gas-pump-ruining-my-serenity/) - So I tapped on her back window and said, “HELLO! I can’t get in my car…” She looked over her shoulder at me, turned off the engine, got out of her car, and appeared to be preparing to pump. I said (a little more forcefully), “Uh, excuse me? I can’t get in my car.” She
- [New Year’s Day.](https://wakinguptheghost.com/new-years-day/) - I was grumpy with Fiona. She started my day by waking up at the end of the bed, stretching and vomiting onto the duvet. I had breakfast with Joel – an old pilot friend of mine. He is the guy who flew me to some of my best and worse times on Staniel Cay. He
- [Not drinking I am…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/not-drinking-i-am/) - In my mind I envision this uniquely, wisely, perpetually, sober long-timer. A Yoda look-alike spouting aphorisms like Pinterest: “Endless tea-totaling you must,” or “Relapsing you will, if going to AA you don’t!” I’m a little envious. There’s always someone with a bigger boat, right? So, here I am with a year of sober days under my belt and a
- [The Masque of the Red Death…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-masque-of-the-red-death/) - …was one of Lauren’s favorite stories when she was a little girl. Don’t ask. Other children liked Green Eggs and Ham or if they were feeling particularly racy, Where the Wild Things Are; my child would curl up with her binky and her beat up, stuffed Little Beethoven (still has them), and ask me
- [Miss Mare’s Etiquette for Drinkers](https://wakinguptheghost.com/miss-mares-etiquette-for-drinkers/) - Apparently, I was NOT polite when I was a drinker. I’ve heard this from a number of folks, now that they think it’s safe to say so. For those of you who are still knocking back the spiked punch, here’s Miss Mare’s Five Rules for Drinking Politely: 1. Be on Time: In The Bahamas, “I’ll
- [I don’t think I’m ready for primetime yet…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/i-dont-think-im-ready-for-primetime-yet/) - I was on TV yesterday. For the first time. The Jacksonville Channel 4 Morning Show was kind enough to invite me to tell my story and plug Waking Up the Ghost. I was told to be at the station at eight A.M., so I did what I do every time I have an important early event
- [It’s not OCD, it’s personal preference…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/its-not-ocd-its-personal-preference/) - Kim says I have OCD. I say I like a really, really cleanly swept front porch and toilet paper points. These are personal preferences. If they were disorders, I would wake up in the middle of the night and check all the bathrooms for scraggly paper. Or I’d worry about everyone else’s toilet paper.
- [I’m so bored with…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/im-so-bored-with/) - …thinking about and talking about and writing about drinking. Or not drinking. Let’s talk about art. During Lauren’s formative years, Kim and I owned an art gallery, and there was always a handful of art guys hanging around. My children learned how to be adults, by surreptitiously watching the art world antics, the way
- [Subliminal seduction…the five good reasons I used to drink.](https://wakinguptheghost.com/subliminal-seduction-the-five-good-reasons-i-used-to-drink/) - One: It was something to do with my hands. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been awkward at parties and gatherings. With a glass of wine, there’s none of those weird, nervous, shuffling, what-do-I-do-with-my-hands moments. And standing in line at the open bar has purpose. And you meet people. Two: I liked
- [When does drinking become problem drinking?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/when-does-drinking-become-problem-drinking/) - When does drinking become problem drinking? I have always thought of myself as a highly-functional drinker until my divorce. That was ten years ago and I have admitted, quite publicly, that I became an alcoholic at that time. My husband had been a watchful, mitigating influence and left to my own devices, I spun completely out of control.
- [Waiting.](https://wakinguptheghost.com/waiting/) - In the photos below, I am waiting happily for a ticket agent who will never come, and preparing to cross a body of water famous for its fast current on a boat called The Rowdy Woman… Add a few drinks to the mix and I am a harridan with a pinched mouth and
- [Familiarity breeds, well, familiarity…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/familiarity-breeds-well-familiarity/) - And where do all the men come from? They’re everywhere. And it’s gotten cool. Nightfall, and golf carts, and men, and a bottle of beer (oh my), that is quintessential Bahamas at night. The closest thing I can think of to describe how I felt in the Bahamas’ evenings, going back sober, is this: have you every been with
- [Here’s the bottom line…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/heres-the-bottom-line/) - … I didn’t feel like drinking when I was in the Bahamas. Don’t I look kind of quietly DESPERATE? Would you want to drink with this woman??? By the way, I’m in the VIP room of a Bar on Harbour Island, not a Bordello or a soothsayer’s tent… I’m unpacking today and reflecting as
- [Maybe I should have named this blog: I ENDED UP…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/maybe-i-should-have-named-this-blog-i-ended-up/) - I saw him once after that, at a Staniel Cay general store. He said, “Why did you leave me that night? I had to sleep on boat rigging. We were having such a nice time.” Huh? Hemmingway said it best. “Isn’t it pretty to think so?” Today I’m not drinking because: Oh for GOD’S
- [I’ll admit it, I did the Electric Slide recently…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/ill-admit-it-i-did-the-electric-slide-recently/) - I danced on my super-secret stretch of beach in Guana Reserve. I was trucking along to my island playlist, thinking great thoughts, when a reggae version of the old classic came on. It’s important to be drunk when entering an Electric Slide Contest… Kim and I won an Electric Slide contest in Beaver Creek,
- [The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-strange-case-of-dr-jekyll-and-mrs-hyde/) - I chose this picture, because the monster looks friendlier than the doctor, and I’m partial to monsters… My ex-husband used to say (in one of our morning-after recaps of some embarrassment I had caused him), “Marilyn, you change when you drink. You’re like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Everything’s copasetic, and then all of a
- [My Goddaughter Taira and I were talking…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/my-goddaughter-taira-and-i-were-talking/) - …at Lauren’s 26th birthday party. “Sooooo, should I be concerned that Lauren noticed some glitter on my face the other day and asked me if I’d been to a strip club?” I asked. “Huh?” said Taira. “I mean, what kind of Mother am I, that my daughter would see glitter ON MY FACE, and
- [I’ve been mispronouncing the word fecund for years…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/ive-been-mispronouncing-the-word-fecund-for-years/) - Lauren was an English major. Don’t come to our house and dangle a participle, people. We’re like vampires in a butcher shop. It’s a blood bath… Lauren was with me in the Bahamas, the time I told the writer for that fancy-pants Travel &… magazine he was a misanthrope. I’d been listening to his endless stories about
- [I Dated Captain Ron for Three Years](https://wakinguptheghost.com/i-dated-captain-ron-for-three-years-people/) - For those of you who know the story, this is not a picture of him. It’s a picture of Captain Ron from the movie of the same name. Uncanny resemblance, right? You may ask why the (at the time) darling of Ponte Vedra would fall for a jobless, penniless bounder who crucified the English language
- [Be consistent!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/be-consistent/) - At the end of one of the Pilates tapes I do sporadically, the plucky instructor Mari Winsor says, “Be consistent!” Every time I hear her say those words I wish she were a REAL person, so I could retort snippily, “No one has ever accused me of being consistent, Mari. And that’s kind of the
- [Entire COUNTRIES can be triggers…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/entire-countries-can-be-triggers/) - Do not go to the internet and Goggle “Drunk Russians” unless you are looking for a bride (or worse…) …when you’re a recovering alcoholic. England, Ireland, Russia and Puerto Rico spring to mind. These places have long-held drinking cultures, and if you’re a NON-DRINKER like me, you kind of feel like a social pariah… Ever been to a London
- [Bahamian men…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/bahamian-men/) - I’m not sure I know you well enough yet, to say anything more on the subject… Except that this photo was taken at nine o’clock in the morning. Have a wonderful, safe holiday. And beware of Bahamian men bearing gifts… Today I’m not drinking because, although it’s five o’clock somewhere, and a bunch of people have
- [I REALLY hope I didn’t MISS my coming-of-age…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/i-really-hope-i-didnt-miss-my-coming-of-age/) - The definition of coming-of-age is : a young person’s transition from childhood to adulthood. I was thinking about it this morning, because my friend Dee’s son Jake graduated from high school yesterday. On the same day, my buddy LCDR Andy Payne, retired from the Navy. There are certain times when it is OBVIOUS one
- [Well, here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten us into…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/well-heres-another-nice-mess-youve-gotten-us-into/) - My friend Dee says, “There’s a big difference between living a DRAMATIC life and courting drama.” She says we fall into the former category. Like the fat guy in the slapstick comedy who has to DEAL WITH the havoc his buddy brings to the table on a regular basis. Courting Drama? As I think
- [Is that a metaphor?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/is-that-a-metaphor/) - I’m walking Fiona yesterday morning and she’s being all choosy about where she poops,* and for some reason that always drives me crazy. Usually, her bathroom bouts are easy – she does try to please me, and I’m sure she fears my unreasonable, scary response when she doesn’t perform to my liking (think about Cruella’s reaction when the
- [Swimming with sharks…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/swimming-with-sharks/) - Yesterday I went for one of my marathon beach hikes in the world’s best secret place: Guana State Park. I feel I can tell you, because this Blog is new and not many people are reading it yet… I take pepper spray with me, by the way, and I know you’re supposed to spray it down-wind,
- [Good time gals and The Green Rooms…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/good-time-gals-and-the-green-rooms/) - I think Val and Debs look like over-the-hedgerow neighbors on a British nighttime soap-opera in this picture. I think they were also well into their cups, and preparing for a night at The Green Rooms. Val lives on the “British Riviera” in one of those drafty, Dickensian mansions that call to mind Jacob Marley rattling
- [Just about everybody in Los Angeles owes me a drink…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/just-about-everybody-in-los-angeles-owes-me-a-drink/) - http://https://youtu.be/rGr6i5Sar5s My best friend Kim and I were talking the other day about some of the crazy things I did when I was drinking. She was planning a trip to Los Angeles to visit her daughter, and this came up:* “Mare, remember the time you had the party at the W Hotel in Los Angeles?”
- [There’s something missing from this picture…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/theres-something-missing-from-this-picture/) - Why did I dress like this to stomp over mountains of icy heather and dried pony poop? I look so official and quaffed with my navy-blue blazer and jack boots… Like I’m available to answer questions, or gather tourists together to expound on points of local interest. But, I also look dejected. Like I’m
- [The best way to quit drinking, is to look at a photo of yourself…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/the-best-way-to-quit-drinking-is-to-look-at-a-photo-of-yourself/) - …when you were drunk. The difference between what you thought you looked like and what you really looked like is marked. To put it mildly. In the movie “One Hour Photo” the creepy Robin Williams character says, “No one takes a picture of something they want to forget.” What if someone else takes the picture?
- [Odysseus is Like Me…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/odysseus-and-i-have-a-lot-in-common/) - So happy “in the drink”… ..but he’s a lot more responsible. You will recall, from your Lit 101 class, that our man was trying to get home after the Trojan War, pissed off the Gods, and had to suffer a bunch of symbolic trials before he could do so. Somewhere along the way,
- [Charity auctions are to be avoided…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/charity-auctions-are-to-be-avoided/) - I once bought a trip to AFRICA at a charity auction at the Jacksonville Zoo. Do I need to say I had drunk too much Jungle Juice at the Zoo-Beration? The next day, when the phone rang and the cheerful, Junior League volunteer asked for my credit card information – $10,000.00 and it didn’t include
- [I haven’t memorized the Serenity prayer yet…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/i-havent-memorized-the-serenity-prayer-yet/) - My first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting was intimidating. The meeting place looked like a miniature Cracker Barrel restaurant, with rocking chairs on the veranda, and live oaks providing dappled shade. The parking lot was filled like Costco on payday with everything from shiny Black Mercedes to beater pick-up trucks. A Heinz variety of drunks.I sat
- [Release the Kraken!!!](https://wakinguptheghost.com/release-the-kraken/) - White wine is my elixir of choice, and I could fill a small town water tower with the gallons I have swilled and spilled over the years. However, to put it nicely, white wine does not agree with me. Actually, when I have a glass of wine it leads to many glasses of wine. It’s like someone
- [My most regrettable decisions…](https://wakinguptheghost.com/my-most-regrettable-decisions/) - …have always been made after ten o’clock at night and after two bottles of wine. I bought Fiona online at midnight, from a breeder in Tulsa, when I was drunk. My daughter Lauren had just graduated from college. I had just sold my house in the Bahamas, and for the first time in my adult
- [Have you seen the movie The Wolf of Wallstreet?](https://wakinguptheghost.com/have-you-seen-the-movie-the-wolf-of-wallstreet/) - There is a great scene in the movie, where the Belfort character is sitting by the pool, fresh as a daisy, and his buddy asks him how his sobriety is going. He answers, “Fucking sucks. It’s so boring I wanna’ kill myself…” That, my friends, is the crux of the matter. Although the ghastly, inebriated

## Pages

- [Sample Page](https://wakinguptheghost.com/sample-page/) - This is an example page. It's different from a blog post because it will stay in one place and will show up in your site navigation (in most themes). Most people start with an About page that introduces them to potential site visitors. It might say something like this: Hi there! I'm a bike messenger

## Categories

- [Sober Article](https://wakinguptheghost.com/category/sober-article/)
- [Sobriety](https://wakinguptheghost.com/category/sober-article/sobriety/)
- [Responsibilities](https://wakinguptheghost.com/category/sober-article/responsibilities/)
- [Successful Recovery](https://wakinguptheghost.com/category/sober-article/successful-recovery/)
- [Hiking Benifits](https://wakinguptheghost.com/category/sober-article/hiking-benifits/)
- [Stop Drinking](https://wakinguptheghost.com/category/sober-article/stop-drinking/)
- [Sober Stories](https://wakinguptheghost.com/category/sober-article/sober-stories/)
- [Sober Vacation](https://wakinguptheghost.com/category/sober-article/sober-vacation/)
- [Laughter](https://wakinguptheghost.com/category/sober-article/laughter/)
- [The English](https://wakinguptheghost.com/category/sober-article/the-english/)
- [Drinkin' Stories](https://wakinguptheghost.com/category/sober-article/drinkin-stories/)
- [Uncategorized](https://wakinguptheghost.com/category/sober-article/uncategorized-uncategorized/)
- [Relapse](https://wakinguptheghost.com/category/sober-article/relapse/)
- [Music Therapy](https://wakinguptheghost.com/category/sober-article/music-therapy/)
- [Opioids](https://wakinguptheghost.com/category/sober-article/opioids/)
- [Fiona](https://wakinguptheghost.com/category/sober-article/fiona/)
- [Wellness and exercise](https://wakinguptheghost.com/category/sober-article/wellness-and-exercise/)
- [Sober Tips](https://wakinguptheghost.com/category/sober-tips/)

## Tags

- [laughter](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/laughter/)
- [positive thinking](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/positive-thinking/)
- [Pure Michigan](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/pure-michigan/)
- [recovery](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/recovery/)
- [women's health](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/womens-health/)
- [alcoholism](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/alcoholism/)
- [Sober Love](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/sober-love/)
- [Stop Drnking](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/stop-drnking/)
- [sobriety](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/sobriety/)
- [stop drinking](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/stop-drinking/)
- [excessve drinking](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/excessve-drinking/)
- [sober vacation](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/sober-vacation/)
- [The Bahamas](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/the-bahamas/)
- [health and wellness](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/health-and-wellness/)
- [alcohol](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/alcohol/)
- [statistics](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/statistics/)
- [life after recovery](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/life-after-recovery/)
- [narcotics](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/narcotics/)
- [opiates](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/opiates/)
- [opioids](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/opioids/)
- [gratefulness](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/gratefulness/)
- [Sanford House Addiction Treatment Centers](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/sanford-house-addiction-treatment-centers/)
- [positive change](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/positive-change/)
- [Triggers to Relapse](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/triggers-to-relapse/)
- [happy ever after](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/happy-ever-after/)
- [dopamine](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/dopamine/)
- [Hurricanes and Storms](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/hurricanes-and-storms/)
- [drinking dream](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/drinking-dream/)
- [SAD](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/sad/)
- [co-ocurring disorders](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/co-ocurring-disorders/)
- [eating disorders](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/eating-disorders/)
- [hiking](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/hiking/)
- [truth](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/truth/)
- [four years sober](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/four-years-sober/)
- [llamas](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/llamas/)
- [Highly Functioning Alcoholic](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/highly-functioning-alcoholic/)
- [Writing conference](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/writing-conference/)
- [memory](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/memory/)
- [serenity](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/serenity/)
- [boot camp exercise class](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/boot-camp-exercise-class/)
- [Electric Slide](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/electric-slide/)
- [exercise](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/exercise/)
- [Finding Joy](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/finding-joy/)
- [joy](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/joy/)
- [moving stress](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/moving-stress/)
- [passion](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/passion/)
- [best friends](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/best-friends/)
- [Puerto Rico](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/puerto-rico/)
- [marijuanna](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/marijuanna/)
- [pot smoking](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/pot-smoking/)
- [Recovery Management](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/recovery-management/)
- [pitfalls of recovery](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/pitfalls-of-recovery/)
- [Wedding Drinking/Not Drinking](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/wedding-drinking-not-drinking/)
- [seasonal affective disorder](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/seasonal-affective-disorder/)
- [things happen](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/things-happen/)
- [snowplows](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/snowplows/)
- [solitude vs isolation](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/solitude-vs-isolation/)
- [summer concert sober](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/summer-concert-sober/)
- [white wine](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/white-wine/)
- [wine](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/wine/)
- [wine crime](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/wine-crime/)
- [club soda](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/club-soda/)
- [gassy water](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/gassy-water/)
- [drinking in the closet](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/drinking-in-the-closet/)
- [dinner party](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/dinner-party/)
- [dinner party skunk](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/dinner-party-skunk/)
- [time management](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/time-management/)
- [weddiings](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/weddiings/)
- [sober solutions](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/sober-solutions/)
- [bush pilot](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/bush-pilot/)
- [fitness](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/fitness/)
- [hangover free](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/hangover-free/)
- [sober journey](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/sober-journey/)
- [unexpected joy of being sober](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/unexpected-joy-of-being-sober/)
- [when helping hurrs](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/when-helping-hurrs/)
- [health and fitness tips](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/health-and-fitness-tips/)
- [Leanne Barlow](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/leanne-barlow/)
- [sober travel](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/sober-travel/)
- [Rachel Hollis](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/rachel-hollis/)
- [SC](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/sc/)
- [rock the weekend sober](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/rock-the-weekend-sober/)
- [alcohol free](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/alcohol-free/)
- [Cultivate What Matters](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/cultivate-what-matters/)
- [lara casey](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/lara-casey/)
- [PowerSheets](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/powersheets/)
- [progress over perfection](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/progress-over-perfection/)
- [sober curious](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/sober-curious/)
- [life inspiration](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/life-inspiration/)
- [prevention magazine](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/prevention-magazine/)
- [hip sobriety](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/hip-sobriety/)
- [sober](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/sober/)
- [sober is sexy](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/sober-is-sexy/)
- [stress management essential oils](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/stress-management-essential-oils/)
- [young living essential oils](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/young-living-essential-oils/)
- [Girl Wash Your Face](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/girl-wash-your-face/)
- [how to take a break from alcohol](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/how-to-take-a-break-from-alcohol/)
- [life of the party](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/life-of-the-party/)
- [Forrest Gump Curve](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/forrest-gump-curve/)
- [how to succeed at Sober October](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/how-to-succeed-at-sober-october/)
- [long distance running](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/long-distance-running/)
- [sober october](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/sober-october/)
- [goal setting](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/goal-setting/)
- [ur](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/ur/)
- [The unexpected joy of being sober](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/the-unexpected-joy-of-being-sober/)
- [life-changing benefits of quitting alcohol](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/life-changing-benefits-of-quitting-alcohol/)
- [what happens when you quit alcohol](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/what-happens-when-you-quit-alcohol/)
- [this naked mind](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/this-naked-mind/)
- [how to prepare for an alcohol free vacation](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/how-to-prepare-for-an-alcohol-free-vacation/)
- [sober prep 101](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/sober-prep-101/)
- [Greenville](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/greenville/)
- [health and wellness festival](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/health-and-wellness-festival/)
- [good reads](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/good-reads/)
- [kristi coulter](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/kristi-coulter/)
- [nothing good can come from this](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/nothing-good-can-come-from-this/)
- [quit lit](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/quit-lit/)
- [sober success stories](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/sober-success-stories/)
- [top books for getting sober](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/top-books-for-getting-sober/)
- [Ness Fest](https://wakinguptheghost.com/tag/ness-fest/)