It’s day 9 of the alcohol-free May challenge.

Just a friendly reminder, don’t forget to stock up on your favorite alcohol-free drinks for the weekend!

This picture was taken by a friend who traveled to Hawaii and enjoyed the entire vacation without a drop of alcohol and had the most amazing time waking up early, journaling, and going for walks on the beach with her family.

It’s possible to forge a new relationship with alcohol but make sure to set yourself up for success by preparing and having lots of water and other non-alcoholic drinks on hand.

P.S. If you are feeling adventurous, try this tropical-inspired Mango Smash Mocktail recipe. I discovered it last year on my alcohol-free beach vacation and it was really good!

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If you’re looking to reevaluate your relationship with alcohol, these five questions may be helpful to curb your alcohol cravings. If you aren’t looking to change your relationship, these questions are sure to be annoying and seem like fluff.

I’ve been on both sides and understand!

Anyways, this post is for those who are interested in either pursuing a mindful approach to drinking or quitting altogether for a certain period of time. And this builds on the decisions that we talked about on Day 1 that lead to different paths.

You can’t stop drinking and know what it feels like to be alcohol-free if you continue to drink. It seems obvious but you can’t wish for it – you have to work for it. And working for it looks like making a different decision when a craving or trigger arises.

Awareness Around Your Cravings – Ask Yourself These Five Questions

When you feel yourself reaching for the “screw it button” – Screw it, I’m just going to have a drink, take a minute to walk through some of the reasons behind your decisions:

1. What am I feeling right now? (also, you are not a robot)

I think sometimes we go throughout our day and don’t even check in with what we are feeling. It’s hard to sit with emotions, especially when we are used to tuning them out or drowning them out. I like to think of those charts my Kindergartners brought home after school one day (when they used to go to school!) and there were all sorts of faces from which to choose. None of the emotions are labeled as good or bad. They just are.

It’s not realistic to feel happy 24 hours a day for goodness sakes. So, just check in to see what you are feeling and embrace it. You are meant to have all the emotions. You are not a robot.

2. What feeling or relief are you hoping drinking provides?

Are you feeling left out of a social situation (remember those?!). Do you want to drown out some anxiety (we learned why that doesn’t actually work in Day 5!) Or is it a routine that seems really hard to break?

Just take a second to sort through that if you can. P.S. There are plenty of times I have checked in and said, “Even though I know it won’t help anything I am still going to numb out and check out for a bit.” That’s o.k., too, unless you are really trying to change habits that are no longer serving you. In that case, I encourage you to realize that alcohol won’t really help anything and can actually make things worse later on.

3. What do I actually need in this moment?

A lot of times we think we need alcohol when we really just need a nap or a good cry or to vent out our feelings with friends. In the case of a good day, maybe we just need to change our perspective on how we celebrate and connect with friends. Or maybe we need to work through some triggers like sunshine on a Sunday = Sunday Funday! Whatever it is, just take the time to acknowledge it and then try to make a decision that supports how you actually want to feel.

4. How will this get me further away from where I want to be?

Or, another way to look at it: Will this get me closer to the goals I’ve set for myself?

5. What has starting over gotten me in the past?

Day 1s suck! If you are tired of starting over, stop giving up.

Finally, this past holiday season I spoke with Anne Smith at But Not All At Once about changing your routines and habits around alcohol. If you’ve got some time, give it a listen – I think it still holds up even though it’s not Christmastime!

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2020 has been a crazy ride so far – and what has largely kept me going is to find ways to laugh.

I’ve been finding ways to laugh through sharing coronavirus memes, parenting during pandemic jokes, and funny texts I’m sharing with friends and family.

I think laughing and finding humor in a lot of situations is an awesome distraction – and something we can apply to pursue an alcohol-free journey if you’re on that path.

The post Find ways to laugh – Day 6 of alcohol free challenge first appeared on Waking Up The Ghost - Alcohol Recovery.

Today, for Day 5, I wanted to address ways you can reduce anxiety without alcohol. This was a question I received this week from someone doing the 31-day alcohol-free challenge.

“I struggle extremely with anxiety. When I drink the next day, my anxiety is out of control but then when I don’t drink it is also out of control so I don’t know what to do when this happens I know drinking is not the answer and I know that I can stop as I have done so in the past just trying to figure a way to deal with the anxiety. Thanks for listening.”

[Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and purchase.] 

Reduce Anxiety Without Alcohol

The first thing I wanted to highlight an important fact stated in the question: that drinking is not the answer.

According to William Porter, “The more we drink, the more pronounced this feeling of nervousness and worry is when the alcohol wears off, and it is quite usual for it to cause full-blown depression. After all, the alcohol will wear off, but the nervous feeling caused by the increased sensitivity and stimulants will remain for some time after.

“All we need to know is that the relaxing effect of a drink is soon replaced by a corresponding feeling of anxiety,” he says.

(I definitely recommend his book if you are looking to change your perspective on alcohol. It’s a book I revisit quite frequently! Here are also ideas for other books I enjoy.)

So, back to the question: Figuring out ways to deal with the anxiety. The good news is that there are so many options. You just have to try and see what works best for you. But I believe the main idea is to find activities that allow you to reconnect with your body, instead of numbing, avoiding, or distracting.

Some ideas on how to reduce anxiety without alcohol:

• Yoga
• Meditation
• Maintaining a gratitude journal
• Reading a daily devotion
• Exercise
• Reconnecting with nature
• Reading a book
• Calling a friend
• Aromatherapy or essential oils
• Breathwork
• Nutrition
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy – consult with a licensed mental health provider to explore options
• Explore other creative outlets
• Explore self-care activities

I guess the main idea is to get creative and try to find ways that allow you to reconnect with your body, mind, and spirit. And to remember that alcohol isn’t a solid way to reduce anxiety (in fact, it’s proven to do the exact opposite!).

{wakinguptheghost a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.}

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At the beginning of March, I bought a copy of Glennon Doyle’s Untamed. I looked forward to reading it and discussing it with several girlfriends who had also purchased it. But we all know what happens to the best-laid plans right?

[Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and purchase.] 

Cue the Quarantine

Then we got the quarantine issue, and I lost some PR projects along with any motivation I had to be a productive member of society. Plus, like so many other moms around the country, I got a bonus job as a kindergarten teacher for two boys!

I stayed away from social media and news conferences and found myself too distracted to even read a page of any book. And so I just kind of embraced the forced bubble I found myself in. I let Untamed sit by my bedside for six weeks before returning to it this weekend. And I totally devoured it.

Reset Relationship With Alcohol

Today I wanted to address something I read in the book over the weekend, which I think is perfect for Day 4 of this alcohol-free challenge. I think it is also helpful if you are looking to reset your relationship with alcohol.

It’s the way Glennon describes different ways we use to cope with stressors, challenges, emotions, and life in general.

Easy buttons are the things that appear in front of us that we want to reach for because they temporarily take us out of our pain and stress. they do not work in the long run, because what they actually do is help us abandon ourselves.

I keep a handwritten poster in my office titled “easy buttons and reset buttons.”

One the left are all the things I do to abandon myself. On the right are my reset buttons, the things I can do to make staying with myself a little more possible.

In my lifetime I’ve done my fair share of reaching for the easy buttons. I actually preferred it for a long time. And I have definitely pushed some of them during this whole quarantine situation. But I know that when I opt for the Reset buttons – which includes not drinking – I feel better, do better, treat people better, and even look better.

Day 4 – Reset Your Relationship with Alcohol

So Day 4 is pretty easy – it’s to save Glennon’s list and refer to it when you are tempted to push an easy button. Or create a list of your own Reset Buttons that you can start using instead of turning to a quaran-tini.

And, if you do go for an easy button, I’m not here to judge. But if it makes you feeling emptier or sadder or more anxious, just take note and opt for a Reset Button the next time. ????

Also, Untamed is a wonderful love story, if you are into that sort of thing. I highly recommend!

{wakinguptheghost is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.}

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“We probably won’t ever stop the conflicting voices in our heads but we can get used to them, determine which one is on our side and then try our best to listen to that one.” – Janey Lee Grace

Conflicting thoughts about alcohol – day 3 of sober challenge

Have you ever experienced conflicting thoughts about alcohol? You wake up in the morning with a hangover and say to yourself, “I’m done with this drinking.” But by the time 5 p.m. rolls around, there’s another voice that says, “you deserve this drink! You made it through the day and everyone else is doing it!”

I used to think that if I had the thought about drinking alcohol, then I hadn’t made much progress in my journey to reevaluate my relationship with it. That’s why this article by Janey Lee Grace on the Alcohol Change U.K. site is one of my very favorites to share with people who have conflicting thoughts about alcohol.

Because it shows us the complexity of the human brain – and that we are capable of creating new habits for ourselves, but it takes work. Making decisions, little by little, add up to big results. But you have to actually make those decisions – instead of wishing that you did! (this goes back to Day 1 where we talk about how our decisions – not our dreams – determine our destination).

When the boys were going through their terrible twos, I would daydream about getting in the car and driving to the beach – or until the car ran out of gas – and just starting a new life there. I obviously didn’t do that! But I didn’t beat myself up for having a voice that wasn’t necessarily on my side.

Day 3 Recap

• Write down your goal to stay sober today – make a different decision (Day 1)
• If you find yourself getting pulled into wanting a drink, remember a time you persevered through something challenging and use that as inspiration (cravings are just internal temper tantrums) (Day 2)
• Listen to the voice that’s on your side and share successes or challenges in the Facebook group

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If you are joining me on the May 2020 alcohol-free challenge, happy 2 Day Without Alcohol!

Day 2 Without Alcohol

Sometimes quitting drinking seems really, really hard. Sometimes it seems not so hard.

But I want to talk about the hard part because we’re in this challenge.
First off, you can absolutely do this. You’ve done lots of challenging things before and survived, right?

It’s important for you to know that you have it in yourself to do things you think you can’t do.

You Can Things You Don’t Think You Can Do

Hello, we’re living through a pandemic and a quarantine! At the beginning of this did you think you would not be able to do this some days?

We are resilient – as people, as a nation, as a community.

Beyond this, though, what else have you done in your life? I know for a fact you are a strong, resilient, flexible, innovative, and creative person. We all are. Think about some big-time goals you’ve achieved during your lifetime. Some examples are:

• Going back to school
• Training for a marathon
• Surviving a really messy divorce
• Changing careers
• Recovering some health issue

Allow your previous success to determine your future success

We’ve all had stuff that we didn’t think we could survive and then we found a way to get through it all. Reflecting on that and journaling about how you’ve achieved a goal in the face of uncertainty can help you on your journey to quit drinking.

When I found out I was pregnant with twins, I was more scared than I was joyful – and that makes me sad to admit. I love getting gold stars and am a recovering perfectionist and I just knew there was no way I was going to be a perfect anything – mom, wife, business owner, friend – with two infants. The odds were against me to continue trying to be great at it all…..I was just so utterly frightened that I wouldn’t know what to do with two newborns! My fear stole so much of the joy I should have had during that time in my life. I should have known that God would take care of me and that I had what I needed to be a parent of twins. I survived everything I worried about – and you will, too.

Day 2 Without Alcohol Action Items

So, building on what we learned yesterday, this is what we’re going to do to continue to be alcohol free this month:

• Make a different choice today, at the moment and continue to remain alcohol-free
• Reflect back on all your skillsets that you used when you achieved a goal you did not think you could do
• Share your insights on the Facebook page with a judgment-free group of people who are evaluating their relationships with alcohol

Tomorrow I want to talk about the conflicting voices in your head. We all have them and I’ll share what to do when we get both the angel and the devil talking in our ear at us at once. ????

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For Day 1 of the May 2020 Alcohol Free Challenge, I have so much stuff that I want to share but I feel like small snippets would be better and we can build off everything over the next coming days and weeks.

Day 1 Alcohol-Free Challenge
Today I’d like to talk about the little decisions that we make build into larger habits we create.

At the beginning of the year, I created a vision board for 2020 – HA!

On the Vision Board I included a quote:

“Our decisions not our dreams determine our destination”

I know it sounds like a simple concept.

Maybe we have dreams to feel better or do better or look better – but then we make decisions in the moment that don’t actually support where we are trying to go.

In the case of being sober, we make goals to not drink alcohol but then find ourselves saying, “Screw it, I’ll have a glass of wine” or “Just give me a beer I’ll start tomorrow.”

So Day 1 is simply challenging you to stay in the moment.

And when you are faced with those decisions when you want to drink, just make a different choice. Of course, this only applies to those who feel like alcohol isn’t helping you reach those goals you have for yourself. So how can you do this?

Make a decision to drink something else – anything else – as long as it’s not alcohol

Find a replacement (soda water, alcohol free drinks, tea, energy drink, diet soda…whatever it is…just not alcohol). It will get easier if you keep on doing it and making those tiny decisions. Your brain can actually rewire your thinking and get used to these different choices but you have to stop doing what you’ve always done to get into a new habit.
Make a list of things that happen when you do decide to drink – This will remind you that drinking isn’t getting you where you want to go.

I asked some people in the group: What is the thing you can count on that happens to you every time you drink?

Just remember: The decisions that you make at the moment to drink leads to a destination that isn’t working for you now. Just look at the responses to the question above.

Finally, it’s not just about the decision to not drink but to make decisions that honor your body. A few examples include:

Morning routine – I’m talking basic routine here. Not hour-long meditations by candlelight and a five-mile run. Just make a commitment in your mind to not drink alcohol and make new decisions before your feet even hit the floor in the morning.
Write down your daily goals (your 42% more likely to achieve them if you write them down, according to Marie Forleo)
Eat a good breakfast or drink a big glass of water when you wake up
Read a short devotional – I love Jesus Calling!
Journal your feelings
Move your body
Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts
Reach out to someone to tell you how you’re feeling
What are the little decisions that you can make that will make a difference to get you to stay on the right path?

Today just think about those little tiny decisions that build up, the things that really honor your body, whether it’s prayer, journaling, getting outside….

Action Steps:

I promise I will show up for you and share with you things that help me. Happy Day 1.

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We Are The Luckiest – by Laura McKowen

For some reason, I resisted reading We Are The Luckiest by Laura McKowen. And I’m not sure why.

[Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and purchase.] 

I follow her on Instagram but never really felt like I knew a whole lot about her.

Maybe I felt like she would be too intimidating. Too perfect. A shining example of a woman who has it all figured out and is surviving in sobriety.

I guess I didn’t know if I would connect with her or could relate to what she would have to share. By the way, this says way more about me than it says about Laura.

My insecurities highlighted 

I see Laura who has a book deal. She has been sober for years and has a large, loyal following on Instagram. She is close friends with Holly from Tempest. They had a major role in creating this alcohol-free revolution for women to embrace. And it can come across as seeing these women as perfect and having it all.

It’s hard for me to relate to seemingly “perfect” people because I’m so, so very far away from that. Honestly, even while typing this, I should know better than to look at someone’s Instagram account or professional successes and think I’ve got them all figured out.

Are you still with me? Or have I shared too much?

O.K. enough about me and my insecurities.

I loved We Are The Luckiest

I loved this book from the introduction (which I usually skip). The first page, the initial sentence and the quote that kicked off the first chapter all worked to suck me in. The very first time I had to stop reading it to tend to other things, I got upset to leave my place. I always think that’s the sign of a great book.

I don’t give a lot of books a chance. A virtual graveyard exists of all the books I’ve purchased and left abandoned in my Kindle app. I’m quick to just move on to the next book on my list if the first few pages don’t capture my attention. It’s sad but true.

Why did I love We Are The Luckiest? For the way Laura’s words made me FEEL. I felt so many emotions throughout the book:

• Empathy for what she went through on her journey
• Sympathy for her family and friends, who were affected by her addiction
• Love for her daughter and immediate family members
• Inspiration for me to keep going on my sober journey

Most importantly, I found myself hoping that her words would be able to reach as many women as possible. Her story has the power to motivate others to consider changing their drinking habits to embrace a life worth living.

Personal responsibility + change ain’t always easy

One of the reasons I loved this book so much is that it embraces personal responsibility.

Another theme I noticed throughout the book is the fact that change isn’t always easy.

We can wish for, hope for and pray for change, but ultimately it’s our decisions that lead to creating a new normal for ourselves. We can learn new coping mechanisms and ways to deal with stress or embrace our emotions – but if we don’t actively use them, then they won’t work. If we are watching someone who’s been sober for a long time, it would be a disservice to us to look at the journey and compare it to our own.

I had started writing this several weeks ago but wanted to finish my thoughts about We Are The Luckiest sooner than later. I know many of us are asking for book recommendations to be reading while we stay at home during the pandemic – and, maybe, it’s one more you can add to your list, too. Have you read it? If so, please let me know what you thought! Stay safe.

{wakinguptheghost is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.}

The post We Are The Luckiest – A book review first appeared on Waking Up The Ghost - Alcohol Recovery.

Goal-setting during coronavirus pandemic

We are, after all, living in the face of furloughs and industries crashing and navigating an unknown social climate. I’m still worried I’m somehow not being as productive a member of society as someone else seems to be.

I’m inspired and awed by those who are taking life by the horns – and using those antlers to make something beautiful and new while searching to find the joy. I know the joy is out there.

My Breaking Bad Analogy

I guess it’s how I feel when I find out someone hasn’t seen Breaking Bad.

Because you need it in your life.

While I’ve got you, I want to take the chance to ask you:

What needs to happen for you to learn about Los Pollos Hermanos? How can I help?

I know how it feels to find so much freaking joy in something. You then want everyone to get on board with it because you want them to feel that way, too.

I kind of wish I was looking at this situation as an opportunity to live my very best life despite the current climate. And then using my goal-setting skills to slay the shit out of the obstacles that coronavirus has put in our paths.

But, y’all, I’m afraid to go to Target. Plus, I recently discovered I’m a terrible kindergarten teacher – and that stings a little.

I’m sad and fearful and anxious and so, so distracted.

So when I shared with a friend how disappointed I am for not using this time I have to a) learn how to make chipotle sauce from scratch, while also b) pursuing my Dr. Doolittle Degree to finally (finally!) be able to talk to the animals she said:

“it’s O.K. to feel sideways despite what others are doing. Cheerleading for a better you can get old.”

So this is for you if you are getting up and making it through today and not getting out of your pajamas. I’m clapping for you if you still haven’t gotten around to reading that big book of poetry you always thought you’d do if time was on your side. If you have no interest in organizing your spice rack, I’m on your side.

I want you to know I’m cheering for you too.

But seriously, if you haven’t watched Breaking Bad, I wish you would so we could talk about it!

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