I got the most gorgeous email from DZ a couple of weeks ago. Gorgeous because the voice was so raw. And the picture she painted so vivid I could actually taste cheap white wine. DZ was in the middle of a craving that was “surging up and down her solar plexus and choking her out”. She said no amount of exercise, candy or visits with friends was taking the edge off. She wrote to ask how I handled early sobriety cravings (candy, exercise, visits with friends…).

The Way We See Ourselves…

DZ had just moved. She said in her new, downtown apartment there were temptations everywhere…. A Mexican restaurant, live music, bars and drinking, drinking, drinking.  And it made me think about how, in early recovery, we try to shake things up. Move outside of ourselves. Avoid the people, places and things that remind us of those boozy nights on the tiki-hut, the sky so loaded with stars it’s silver and everything below is a bruised blur…

It’s good to get away from a toxic environment. But, what if our thoughts about ourselves are toxic? And the relapses, pitfalls, transfer addictions and loathsome behavior are self-fulfilling prophecies? There is no question DZ was in the middle of a hate-fest, begging her “know-better self” to give her just one night.

 “If men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences.” Thomas Theorem

For someone who is new to recovery, there is a lot to hate. And fear. DZ says it best:

Just one night. It’ll inspire you to unpack and organize and get used to your new… That’s what I don’t want to do. Get used to it and let the paranoid, self-loathing, unkempt drunk out. Down will go my boundaries and into my new apartment I will bring the undesirables… I will be afraid to call maintenance because I reek of a 3 day binge. I’ll have given every user in my building the green light without remembering, during one of my multiple trips to the garbage chute. Because much as I love to drink alone, the clumsier and uglier I get the more of a showoff I become…

Self-Fulfilling Prophecies…

I’ve read the above paragraph a dozed times. Clumsy, ugly, reek, garbage – it takes me back to my first sober days. When I tried to convince myself that life without alcohol was boring. When I was angry and resentful. And when instead of slugging the cheapest wine I could find, I secretly gorged on 4 for $5 boxes of Walgreens candy (if an all-night drug store could talk). Was I filling the empty hole or giving myself what I thought I deserved?

I still think of myself as someone who has an “addictive personality” even though I know that is not even a “thing”. And five years sober, I don’t have cravings for wine anymore, but I identify as someone with an unhealthy relationship to food. Maybe even more than as a person who is in good physical condition and hikes for miles, up hills.

Now I am wondering if these negative thoughts are shaping my actions…

Thomas Theorem

Thomas Theorem goes on to say that “the interpretation of a situation causes the action.… Actions are affected by subjective perceptions of situations…. ” Even when the perception is wrong.

So, if DZ sees herself as the woman in apartment 207 who spends a lot of time at the garbage chute, drunk and disorderly – or as the lonely woman salivating with her nose pressed against the window of a Mexican restaurant – maybe it will happen.

The Power of Positive Thinking is the Good News

I like it when my blog is formatted like getting fired. I start with something good (gorgeous email), sandwich the icky stuff in the middle (shit…. I’m making myself  eat 3 pints of Halo Top ice cream with my thoughts...) and end with the good news (positive thinking trumps negative thinking – but it takes time).

DZ is new to the sobriety game. I hate to say it, but it took two years before I stopped getting regular punch-in-the-gut cravings to DRINK. And a solid four years before I started getting a picture in my mind’s eye of a hiking trail instead of the brightly colored candy isle at Walgreens whenever it rained on a Sunday and I felt lonely…

This:

Not This:

Also, DZ emailed to say that she had “written herself out” of the craving and she was okay. I am going to imagine her in her new apartment, meeting desirable neighbors and visiting the garbage chute only when she has garbage to throw away – not when she is lonely…

And I am going to imagine her, two years from now, climbing a hill, writing in a journal or eating Mexican food with a gassy water chaser. She’ll be thinking about how proud she is of her accomplishments. And feeling like she’s fine – just fine – right where she is.

How’s that for a self-fulfilling prophecy?

How’s that for positive thinking?

The post Recovery Pitfalls – Are They Self-Fulfilling Prophecies? first appeared on Waking Up The Ghost - Alcohol Recovery.

I just read an article by William White about the difference between Relapse Prevention (RP) and Recovery Management (RM). In a nut shell, he opines that one focuses on “deficits and vulnerabilities” and the other on “assets”. RP implies we are running from monsters (waking up the ghost?). RM suggests we are “being positively drawn toward something of great value of one’s own choosing.”

The four-year experiment…

It came at a perfect time. Because, I was reflecting on the Thanksgiving weekend and my own, four-year psychosocial experiment in sobriety. And I was feeling pretty full of myself this morning. In fact, for the first time in four years, I actually broke my typical cycle. I think I have begun to trick my own brain!

Let me explain.

My son Jonathan and his girlfriend Kallie were visiting. And it was a fantastic weekend of family, hikes, great food and conversation. Even the Up North winter cooperated with unseasonable warmth (other than the 25 mph winds off Lake Michigan).

Jonathan asked me if it was still difficult for me to be with people who were drinking. He wanted to know if I still craved wine – if it was still an “issue for me”. (This asked while he sipped a Coppola Cabernet…) I answered truthfully, that I never thought about drinking anymore. It took a long while, but I have not had that out-of-nowhere, punch in the gut desire to DRINK! in about a year…

What I have done, is replace my addiction to wine with candy, coffee and food. And exercise. Hiking in the Michigan wilds has been a staple of my recovery, and I talk about it all the time. But, so has anesthetizing myself with the fast food equivalent of white wine shooters in the glove-box. That, I don’t talk about much…

Cultivating wellness…

Yesterday, Jonathan and Kallie left at 4 AM. I experienced the usual feelings one feels – tired, a bit lonely, a touch of anticlimax. And I also experienced the feelings that plague the person with a substance use disorder. That empty, bleak, icky feeling that used to send me to bed with a jumbo bottle of chardonnay and a party bag of M&Ms.

I have to admit, when I got home I felt the momentary desire to eat up the frayed remains on the charcuterie plate. And I wanted to scrounge for anything containing Karo syrup. Stuffing my mouth with processed, sugary foods has been my go-to panacea to fill the void since I quit drinking.

But after a nap and a cup or two of coffee, I had the out-of-nowhere, punch in the gut desire to go for a walk. It was a beautiful, sunny day. And I had no desire to hole-up and eat. The feeling was so shocking, I didn’t quite know how to handle it. I even opened the refrigerator and looked inside to test myself. Rattled the Skinny Pop bag because I am a glutton for punishment. Nothing. 

Talk about being drawn to something of great value of one’s own choosing…

Learning positive reinforcement…

The only explanation I have is that after four years of sobriety and two years of actively trying to rewire my brain – it is working! When I had the moment to fill an empty day, I chose the positive reinforcement of a walk.

Recovery is so much more than just not drinking. So much more than looking over one’s shoulder for the next relapse. It requires an overhaul of an entire life. And positive, healthy choices after the cravings for alcohol or other drugs dissipate.

Bill White says, “If recovery is more than the removal of alcohol and other drugs from an otherwise unchanged life, then the focus of recovery support interventions should shift from a strict RP focus (a process of problem subtraction) to an RM focus on achieving global health (a process of addition) and increasing one’s potential for a both personal fulfillment and social contribution (a process of multiplication). There is a difference between the prevention of illness and the promotion, achievement, and transcendence of wellness.” Relapse Prevention, Recovery Management, Recovery Transcendence – William White

I might not be at transcendence yet…

Full disclosure. I came home from the walk and ate a bag of Boom Chick a Boom caramel and sea salt popcorn. I also watched some smutty TV. But the difference is that I was not compelled to do so. And although I am a work in progress, my brain is rewiring in the right direction. The fact is, I like popcorn. Almost as much as the choice to walk along the lake on a cold, bright new day.

E2E – We always think of your well-being…

The post Alcohol Recovery Management or How to Trick Your Own Brain… first appeared on Waking Up The Ghost - Alcohol Recovery.

I went to CPR training/certification last week. I felt a bit anxious as the trainer painstakingly itemized all the unfortunate things that can happen to a person. In the video, after someone cut themselves with glass or collapsed while ordering coffee at a kiosk, there was always someone who stepped forward. They would hold up their hands like a surgeon and say, “Remember the emergency training I took? I can handle this.”

And then the person, a little smug if you ask me, would go through the prescribed steps to secure the area and provide quality care until the real EMTs arrived.

Here’s What Made Me Anxious…

There are A LOT of dangerous circumstances out there to beware of besides heart attacks and chocking. There are cuts that require gauze and pressure to stop the bleeding. More serious gashes that might need a tourniquet (we fashioned them from tree branches and bandannas). Around every bend there are snake bites, bee stings, spider chomps and concussions. Overdoses, broken bones, drowning, curling iron burns and anaphylactic shock wait in the wings to ruin your day…

And babies – we were assigned baby dolls with trachea and instructed to resuscitate our tiny charges (with two fingers instead of two hands). Pressing a third of the way into their chests 30 times to the tune of “Staying Alive” by the Bee Gees; two breaths into their maws, watching to see the chest rise; repeat.

I started feeling like Aunt Josephine from Lemony Snicket: fear that the chandelier might fall and impale you. Fear that the glass doorknob will shatter and get in your eye… Fear that the alcohol wipe I used to clean my dummy’s mouth  didn’t prevent infection…

The Good News…

The good news is that I am now certified in CPR. Although I don’t see myself stepping forward boldly like the actors in the video, I am good in an emergency. And now, I know what to do if a stranger keels over at my feet or bleeds all over my beige carpet (hint – deal with the wound first and the Woolite Rug Cleaner later...).

The other good news is that even though I am anxious about it, I have at long-last become aware of the world’s dangers. There was a time, when I was drinking, where everything from mitigating the peril of  riding in golf carts with nefarious strangers to near-daily hematomas were remedied with another glass of wine.  In those days the cause was also the panacea…

I had a morning habit of checking the sheets for blood and running a finger over my teeth to make sure they were still there. (Which reminds me, I know what to do if you knock out your teeth or cut off a finger!) Then I’d lean over and start my day with a slug of the leftover wine on the bedside table.

Sobriety Breeds Safety…

Interestingly, the CPR class did not talk about what to do if someone had alcohol poisoning, specifically. Although we did get the number of poison control and talk about what to do for an opioid overdose.

The bottom line is that “normal folks” are aware of potential danger without developing irrational fear. And they also tend to the occasional emergency with the appropriate level of care. Not like the old me, who drunkenly cut off the top of my thumb with a Cutco knife hosting a dinner party, and wrapped it with a tea-towel and (you guessed it) had another drink…

I continue on this journey of recovery, perhaps as a late bloomer, but keen to learn. My previous disregard for safety aside, I can now step forward and try to save a life.

And that’s what it’s all about, right? Just staying alive, the best we know how…

E2E – I can take care of you. WE can take care of you…

The post It’s a Dangerous World Out There, People… first appeared on Waking Up The Ghost - Alcohol Recovery.

I keep thinking about an email I got from a reader last week. Let’s call her Sharon. Her spouse is a (problem) drinker and has no intention of quitting. And the guy insists she doesn’t have a problem either.

What to do when it seems like everyone around you drinks?

Sharon has been trying for years to quit drinking and her husband keeps derailing her efforts. She asked for advice – some tips on how to deal with a man who guzzles with impunity. She said she wants to be sober – “join the revolution.” How can she get through to her husband that she’s serious about this?

First, I don’t feel very revolutionary. I just feel like a woman who used to drink too much. In fact, crawling up a bar stool from a dirty floor seems more guerrilla than my current demure behavior… But, Sharon needs advice on how to deal with the guy she committed to for better or inauspicious. And I feel like I didn’t give her the guidance she really needed.

I told her there is a difference between being around people who drink and being with someone who drinks with a “tone in their voice.” But, this is the woman’s husband. And I am well aware that telling family members not to drink around you can lead to holidays alone…

She seemed somehow resigned to her fate. I guess I’ll just drink and try to cut back… I know that’s not the answer. So what is the answer?

Marriages last longer when both parties drink too much…

I did some research on this subject, and it seems marriages are perceived “happier” and last longer when both parties over-drink.  In fact, marriages with one heavy drinker end 50% of the time and marriages where both people are big boozers end 30% of the time. That didn’t surprise me. Drunkenness loves company.

Dealing with hard drinking loved ones…

Most of my family and friends drink alcohol. I have no problem with that. But what I was trying to say to Sharon was that it seems her husband is purposely keeping her off track. And his insistence that she doesn’t have a problem and that he has no intention of quitting, closes the door on dialogue. Tricky fellow.

Whether it’s to your significant other, your mother or your best friend, a person should be able to quit drinking without explaining or capitulating.

Here are some basic rules for the new-to-non-drinker:

1. Stop explaining that “you are an alcoholic” – anyone who demands to know why you have quit drinking, or insists you don’t need to quit drinking with a “tone in their voice” is not your friend
2. Which brings me to the significant other who will not deal with their own drinking issues and wants company…
3. Set boundaries
4. I’m going to say it again – set boundaries 
5. If leaving a loved one is out of the question, there may be parties/events you do not attend or leave early (sorry if that seems like punishment for good behavior, but it’s the breaks when protecting your sobriety)
6. Suggest Al-Anon
7. Suggest counseling
8. If that does not fly, find a time when no alcohol has been drunk and ask for a serious talk – lay out the new ground rules…
9. Continue to have these talks
10. Understand that with new rules there will be new challenges and push-backs
11. Remember you are the person who is in control of your life

Does this seem too hard?

It doesn’t to me. Every recovery is unique, so the way I deal with drinkers around me might not be how you deal with drinkers. For example, I stay no longer than 3-4 hours at a party (the witching time when everyone “wants a hug” and begins to repeat themselves…). I will sit with my loved ones while they drink, but no one would dare suggest I should “just have a small one.” I do not apologize anymore. They are proud of me.

The point is – deal with it. Sharon, your husband sounds insensitive. He is certainly not thinking of you or your needs. So you will have to sit him down (see 7 above) and tell him how you intend to live the rest of your life.

No one said getting sober was easy. It’s not about sighing and going with the flow.

Maybe sobriety is a revolution…

E2E – Where in the world are you? You will always be with us…

The post Surrounded – When your Loved Ones Still Drink first appeared on Waking Up The Ghost - Alcohol Recovery.

I am on vacation in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula while most of my loved ones and all my most memorable stomping grounds are in the eye of a storm. My son Jonathan has been chased by Irma from Tampa to Blue Ridge, Georgia. Kim is laid-up in Jacksonville while several of her roofs lifted off their moorings. And Lauren and John are hosting, without power, her father and a plethora of potted plants (outdoor items must come indoors lest they hurtle on high-force winds through plate-glass windows).

I am familiar with tropical storms. I have evacuated. I have thrown porch furniture into the pool and rolled up carpets. Moved artwork and valuables to higher ground in preparation for storm surge. So I am not insensitive to my loved ones’ lot. It almost seems sacrilegious to think of anything else.

Even while experiencing the UP in unseasonably warm weather…

The wellspring of my alcoholism…

The thing is, I have always weathered storms – from hurricanes to romantic breakups the same way. Pour a glass a wine, throw a lounge chair into the deep end and c’est la vie. There is not a single storm of consequence I have experienced, where I wasn’t three sheets to the wind. It’s hard to deny – hard to think about.

But I am on vacation.

And as it turns out, I am on vacation in my alma mater – the very place I had my first drink. So, you see how this all connects – full-circle – cosmically? And how restorative it is to be legitimately anxious about one’s family, without getting drunk to anesthetize the anxiety? To be nostalgic about the wellspring of my alcoholism without feeling the threat of a relapse…

And the hiking my sober friends…

What’s a girl to do? There is nothing I can impact a thousand miles from the storm. Nothing I can change. And so I took a hike – contemplating the beauty sculpted by God’s gentler hand.

Dappled sun in Presque Isle

E2E – Look up!

The post Weathering the Storms… first appeared on Waking Up The Ghost - Alcohol Recovery.

In the end, the reason I decided to move was because of a shower curtain rod. There were lots of reasons I can list, now that the decision is made, for leaving my apartment. It was expensive. Especially given its (admittedly groovy) industrial, proletariat vibe. I never saw anyone in the halls and isolation is not good for my psyche. And with 40 foot ceilings, it was a challenge to heat in the long Michigan winters.

Thinking, thinking, thinking…

My lease is up this month and I have spent a fair amount of time  standing in the middle of the “great room” and thinking, moving is just too hard. I have big, heavy pieces of furniture and live three flights up. There’s a bookcase so unwieldy, the previous movers threatened to leave it on the landing or cut it in pieces to make it fit into the narrow, third floor hallway. And there is the tedium of changing my address. I have an orchid. A new case of water unpacked in the refrigerator…

Two weeks ago, my shower rod fell in the middle of the night. Again. It is something I have battled my entire tenure. I don’t know whether the Restoration Hardware, linen curtain is too heavy or the rod not quite long enough, but it has never fit properly. I’ve padded the gap with paper handtowels folded into discreet squares. I have augmented those patches with damp toilet paper (the sides of the shower are slippery). And just when I think I’ve got it beat, it crashes at the most inconvenient time. And I find myself stuffing more, less discrete, wads of scrap paper into the breach and cursing my fate. Why? Why God? I might whimper, at a particularly vulnerable moment.

I never thought to buy a new shower rod, or even complain to the landlord. They supplied it after all, and every time my handiwork crashes, it takes a small swath of paint off the bathroom wall so they should want to fix it. Anyway, the last collapse was the final straw (rod?). I folded up the shower curtain, propped the curtain rod against the wall and put a towel down on the floor to catch the splatter when I take a shower. And like a bolt from above I thought to myself, it’s time to move.

When Something Small Leads You to Decide Something BIG

This is typical of how I make big decisions.  All the good reasons for a life change might be clanging in stentorian obviousness and I will ignore them. Then, someone like Dee or David makes a simple comment, or a shower curtain falls and the way becomes clear.

Take how I got sober for example. After ten years of not-so-subtle prompts to quit – knocking out my teeth on a dive-bar countertop, getting divorced, falling off bar stools, the yen to drink in the morning, running short on cash, falling for another “inappropriate” boyfriend – I quit drinking for good, because my son Jonathan needed to be picked up from the airport. Go figure. He was getting in from England at midnight. Usually, I would have gotten my drinking in early, passed out, set an alarm and “sobered up” enough to go get him. When we got home I would have poured a nightcap.

Instead, I just didn’t drink. All day. And a bell went off – I thought to myself, this is enough – I’m done. For almost four years, that decision has stuck.

Is There a Moral to This Story Mare?

The moral to this story is that getting to the right decision is a good thing, no matter how long it takes. Better however, is the ability to read the signs. Change is never easy – especially when packing boxes or the pouring out of hooch is involved. But ignoring the BIG things is a form of self-punishment. In the NEW APARTMENT, I am going to be more aware of my surroundings, take better care of myself. Take note of the forewarnings.

And in the new apartment, if the faucet drips, or the shower curtain falls – boy oh boy, look out. I am loaded for self-care bear…

The post When the BIG Decision is Prompted By Something Small first appeared on Waking Up The Ghost - Alcohol Recovery.

I went to a free concert at Meijer Gardens on the 4th of July with Cindy. She seems to be witnessing a few of my sober “firsts”. This time, it was at an outdoor, camp-chair, picnic basket kind of concert. I haven’t been to one of those sober before. In fact, an outdoor concert (once I recced the toilets) was always an opportunity for drunken disorderliness on my part. Where better to get pie-eyed, than a pot-holed, minefield of folding chairs, wrinkled blankets and loose detritus?

Concert Going Drunk…

In the past, I would have had a glass of wine or four as I packed the cheese and crackers. I’d happily pour the better part of a bottle of wine into a thermos “roadie” and find a clever way to hide more wine on my person. Once we got settled, I’d locate the open bar and buy three, bad wines at a time – spilling booze as I teetered over the lawn with three Dixie-cups smashed together.

I can remember the slightly desperate feeling of having to go to the bathroom (all that liquid), but feeling unsteady. How was I going to pull myself up out of the folding chair two inches from the ground? Eyeing a path through the blankets and Yetis and hoping I wouldn’t lose my tenuous balance – land on someone’s bucket o’ chicken. Or turn an ankle.

I’d leave the food untouched, flinch at the first sip of concert wine like I was taking medicine. And then it wouldn’t taste so bad. I’d get sleepy, grumpy and bored. Sounds like three of Snow White’s most unpleasant dwarfs, right? And at some point I’d hate the band or my hair or the person I was with. I’d pick a fight.

That was me, summer concert drunk…

Concert Going Sober…

So, on the 4th I entered the bandstand area, minding my own sober business, carrying our snacks in a big, blue insolated bag. And a very nice man wearing an apron and a sun hat said, “Would you like some drink coupons?”

I said, “No thanks.”

He said, “Are you sure? There’s wine and beer!”

I said, “No thank you.” I even smiled sweetly. Ask Cindy.

We walked past him and he tried again, like he was on commission, not a volunteer, “It’s delicious wine and beer and these are discount tickets!”

I said loudly over my shoulder, “I’m an alcoholic!”

He looked so crestfallen, I kind of felt badly for him. But then I thought of all the people who were new to recovery and struggling a bit, going to their first sober concert and this kindly idiot was forcing drink tickets on them. So I said to Cindy, “I wonder if I said enough? Should I have told him to take ‘no’ for an answer and to stop selling so hard?”

Cindy said, “I think you said enough… I think he got it.”

My first sober, outdoor concert was fantastic.

Free, so it wasn’t flawless, but I enjoyed every bit. I was able to make my way to the bathroom, teetering on a tiered step like a Flying Wallenda, awake and cheerful and grateful.

I got home and, coincidentally, a newly sober friend of mine wrote to say she was going to a concert and finding the prospect difficult. So difficult, she didn’t even think she wanted to go…  Concerts, particularly outdoor concerts, are triggers for everybody. And it’s a shame. I told her that she was in charge of the situation – to go and enjoy herself. I said, “At least you don’t have to worry about your balance on the way to the porta-potty. At least you’ll remember what you hear.”

See how this peer recovery support works?

She said she went to an Elton John concert sober once. And the first song he sang was, “The bitch is back – stone cold sober as a matter of fact.” She says she laughed out loud… And that’s it in a nutshell – feeling alive and unfettered and happy at an outdoor summer concert. Really hearing the music. Laughing out loud…

The post Summer Concert Going – Drunk Vs. Sober first appeared on Waking Up The Ghost - Alcohol Recovery.

We’re moving offices. I am sitting with stacked boxes, furniture with yellow dots and Halloween decorations  too big to package (don’t ask) waiting for the movers to arrive. It’s early, and I’ve been thinking about the positive aspects of change. Especially for those of us in recovery.

Cha cha cha changes…

Moving brings out the unique personality traits in people. There are those who hate change and the stoics who shrug, because they have done this before. In the past fifteen years, I have moved houses five times and coincidentally, work offices five times. I have downsized, stored, given away, lost and found a lifetime of possessions.

I love change, but as we began the office move, I thought about what I always think about – how does this thing I am doing impact my (and everybody else’s) recovery?

Curtail Change in Early Recovery?

Often we are told to curtail change in early recovery. “Don’t make any unnecessary decisions,” we are warned. And the ever popular, “Don’t even think about a new romance for a year.”

I understand it’s not wise to rescue a puppy in the wake of quitting your substance of choice. Because, learning and relearning self-care is most important to a person’s long term well-being. But, what about changing things up when the environment you have been in is toxic? Or filled with triggers? Or crowded with people who still use? I sold a house in The Bahamas immediately after getting sober and have not been back to the island in almost five years, because it felt dangerous to me then… It still does.

And as we tick off the months and years of our sobriety, we also gain knowledge of ourselves – what works to strengthen our recovery and what does not. We begin to feel confident in our choices. And we might even embrace change. I’ve come up with my list of those changes that are prudent to avoid and those to embrace in early recovery and beyond. Change it up!

Change to Avoid:

• Other than a goldfish (and even they require continuous care and die a lot) don’t be fooled into getting a new pet. Nuff said.
• Be careful of big relationship changes – don’t accept a marriage proposal smack out of treatment. Do not “fall in love” in rehab…
• Start small – job promotions that add to stress might be something to avoid. At least for a few months. Better to go back to a job part time than to create a situation where you are prone to unnecessary stressors.
• Temper social media outbursts (says the woman who started writing a blog six months into her sobriety) – announcing milestone sober dates on Twitter are okay as long as you stay sober – n’est-ce pas?
• Families push buttons. So, don’t volunteer to “do Thanksgiving” for the first time, when you are newly sober. In fact, have an exit strategy for any family get together.
• Avoid, when at all possible, the top twenty life stressors. The problem is, that things like substance use disorders and divorce (a sometimes unavoidable result of substance use) are on the list of stressors. My rule of thumb is – don’t court any big stressors. Also, be prepared for life’s foibles. They happen whether you are sober or not!

Change to Embrace…

• Recovery is the time to embrace any new-found passions you might have learned in treatment, AA meetings, group therapy or the school of hard knocks… Hike, sing in a choir, read to children at the library, write a book or a blog, and embrace the good change recovery brings.
• Change your way of looking at the world. There is great power in positive thinking!
• Move away from those situations that squeeze your emotional triggers. Moving is stressful, but a college student going back to an off-campus party house after treatment is a BAD idea. Better to pack up your things and MOVE if your environment is toxic to your recovery.
• You might not want to jump into a new romantic relationship, but one of the joys of newfound sobriety is forming lasting friendships.
• Change how you eat and how you take care of yourself.
• Change how you respond to your cravings or emotional triggers and rewire your brain! The best way to beat a “bad habit” is to respond differently to the cue, until it becomes second nature.
• And when it’s necessary, or outside of your control, try to take a deep breath and be open to change.

Change is Fun…

When you are open to change, the world gets bigger and life is more interesting. You experience more, meet new people and set the stage for a life full of, well, LIFE. After the long, rough road of addiction that sounds pretty awesome, doesn’t it?

Real life, desensitized, in all its glory.

The post Is Change Good For Addiction Recovery? first appeared on Waking Up The Ghost - Alcohol Recovery.

I spent a lot of the first year after I got divorced in the closet. For some reason, it felt safe for me to sit on the floor of my walk-in with a bottle of plonk and get quietly drunk, while inventorying my shoes.

It’s funny, but I’ve heard a number of women in recovery say…

…they drank in their closets. And of course, a large, stocked closet is the perfect place to hide wine bottles. Inside my boots as makeshift boot trees, in the long pockets of winter coats and on shelves behind blazers, were my favorite hiding places. And I usually had an old glass of wine or three on various shelves. I remember how awful they looked: smeared with lipstick, congealed at the bottom and catching debris like amber.

The post The Personal Wine Cooler – Is Booze in the Closet Ever a Good Idea? first appeared on Waking Up The Ghost - Alcohol Recovery.

I am still sore from last weekend. I was in Jacksonville for four days. Two of those days started with a boot camp, exercise class with my daughter, Lauren (see big tires in photo above…) at Delta Life Fitness.

Exercise and Recovery…

The class began with a couple of laps around a parking lot and took place in a garage with no air-conditioning and a floor made of what looked and felt like asphalt and rubber mixed in a blender. Impeccably clean, requisite cheerful instructor with a headset, torture implements arranged in tableaus along the walls, waiting…

I had that moment where I thought, What am I DOING here? and Can I fake an Achilles heal excuse? And of course my head was full of all the negatives – there was no way I could do this high impact workout. No way. My God I must be thirty years older than everyone here! Why did Lauren think I could do this?  (Yes my head even played the age card and rounded up! Shame on my brain!)

And of course it made me think of recovery from addiction. How hard I made  sobriety seem in my own head, before I made the commitment. How impossible it seemed, until it was done…

Try, Try Again

Speaking of hard,  the first day, first exercise consisted of grabbing hold of two enormous ropes tethered to a wall. They weighed approximately five hundred pounds. The drill was to flip the ropes like reins on lazy carriage horses while (get this) genuflecting on one leg and then the other in deep lunges.

The music was good. And there were inspirational aphorisms on the wall. The instructor seemed kind. I made it. And on to the next station, where we had to do a sort of hop-skip-step onto a box, a la old-school step aerobics. Hey, I can do this… it’s hard, but it’s not impossible… Lunge, pushup. squat, kettlebell lift, lean and squat some more… Encouraging words from the instructor, “Good Marilyn!” “You got up this morning to work! Make it count!”

It’s the SAME…

How many times do I have to be reminded before it sinks in? Recovery is just like a boot camp style, exercise class. Like a rigorous hike up a steep hill. It’s hard but doable. If you don’t succeed the first time, try again. Learn from your missteps. Dig deep and make it count. Good Marilyn!

Changing one’s life for the better is never an easy process. If it were, we would all be our very best selves, all the time. Making a better life, a more successful life is hard, but not impossible.

 And I am always impressed by those who just keep trying…

The post If at First You Don’t Succeed, Fix Your Ponytail and Try Again… first appeared on Waking Up The Ghost - Alcohol Recovery.