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You Can TOO Go Home Again…Florida Aha…

You Can TOO Go Home Again…Florida Aha…

You Can TOO Go Home Again…Florida Aha…

 

I am here. A bit disoriented. Two days ago I was plowing through a fresh 5 inches of snow in Grand Rapids and today I am collecting shark’s teeth on the shores of the Atlantic. I am staying at my friend George’s house on the ocean. I’ve been to his place a couple of times before, but I didn’t remember much about the details.

 

The last time I was here…

Actually, the last time I was here I was kind of busy. I was telling George – the very first person ever that I was an alcoholic. And that I was in big trouble. I remember my hands shaking, sitting on a couch. George (who really didn’t know me that well at the time), was trying to collect himself and respond appropriately. I mean what do you do when some woman you’ve know for twenty years as one thing, is really another thing altogether?

 

And the other thing is a sticky wicket…

 

It’s funny the person you decide to tell, when you finally figure out this “problem” is not going away. That your alcoholism is sitting on your spleen like a messy guest, promising to leave, but staying another week. Month. Year… It’s funny, the primal need to tell someone.

 

It feels good to be “home” for the holidays. It even feels good to be on the beach and in the house where my sobriety began. If I have the time, I will make some favorable comparisons… then to now…

 

Grateful Girl…

I am not grateful for my sobriety every day. Sometimes I will go a week before I remind myself to thank my lucky stars. God. All the friends and family who helped and hung in there. It’s like saying my rosary – sometimes I forget it’s tucked in the center pocket of the change purse Lauren gave me. (With the ironic “Live Simply” stitched on it’s front.)

 

But it’s always there. The thankfulness for this new life. This pared down life. Ocean bright and crisp as the newest of snowfalls. You can go home again, but it’s nice to go there with your suitcase filled with wrinkled remnants of the old and the new. Summer gear in winter, just in case you get the chance to walk on a beautiful, gray beach where it all began. Where it all unraveled…

 

Today I’m not drinking because I’m at the place where I KNEW it was time to stop.

Found this unique fixer-upper on the beach…

 

How come you’re not drinking?

 

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Comments (4)

  1. Rosalind
    Dec 20, 2016

    Marilyn, welcome back! I won’t say “home,” even though you did, because maybe home really is where the heart is (thanks, mom). In either case, so glad you are at the beach again. And this post reinforces my belief in you as a damn good writer. I read you not for encouragement in sobriety but as a friend and a lover of the written word. Merry Christmas. You provide enrichment for many of us.

  2. Martha
    Dec 20, 2016

    How come you're not drinking?
    I love being sober for the holidays!
    The first time I told someone I had a serious problem with alcohol I couldn’t believe the words actually came out of my mouth. I too feel that it was almost primal, that if I didn’t get it out and start to get help for this horrible addiction I was going to die. One of the reasons I held back for so long was the thought of not drinking on holidays was unbearable. How could I have any fun? Well let me tell you-I am having the best time ever!

    PS: Marilyn if you are in northeast Florida I hope the sun comes out tomorrow!

  3. Alice
    Dec 22, 2016

    How come you're not drinking?
    Ive already done many drunk Christmases...lets see how sober goes!
    Merry Christmas!

    • Martha
      Dec 23, 2016

      Merry Christmas Alice! It’s my first Christmas sober too in 20+ years. So far it’s really, really good and I am looking forward to a clear headed and memorable Christmas day. Good memorable as in remembering things and not notoriously memorable!

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