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I’m Doing the Work, I’m Baby Stepping – I Need I NEED…

I’m Doing the Work, I’m Baby Stepping – I Need I NEED…

I’m Doing the Work, I’m Baby Stepping – I Need I NEED…

Because I am a masochist, I was looking at photos of my recent  trip to Palm Beach this weekend. A weekend that was marked, in Michigan where I live, by dense fog, thickened rain, naked trees and gray, gray, gray. The photo above is me in my hotel room in Florida, and if I could describe how I was feeling when I took the picture, I would have to say, “Bogus want.”

 

Want vs. Need

No one really needs a TV embedded in their bathroom mirror, do they? But it is so innovative and cool, I want one. Even though I need many other things more. Like a house to put it in…

 

As an alcoholic, the feeling of  unrequited “want” is familiar. That ever parched, but never satisfied need for alcohol. And after almost four years in recovery, I still feel the dry, rasping need for an unidentified something every once in a while. Processed sugar or love or a bungalow in Seaside or the ability to watch the news while I put on my mascara.

 

What About Mare?

If you haven’t seen the movie What About Bob? I am not sure we can be friends. Bob is not an alcoholic, but he does have “issues”.  And in the scene below (only 14 seconds),  he is begging his pompous therapist to pay attention to him. To love him. I’m not even embarrassed to say I can relate to this desperate, cloying need to fill the hole. To follow the rules and “baby-step” my way to sanity and good health. I’m just a little better at internalizing…

 

 

How did I get from an uber-groovy TV in a bathroom mirror to the need for love? I’m an addict. And it all comes from the same place in my brain. Yours too, so be careful. It’s why we often substitute alcoholism with an eating disorder or a sex addiction. It’s why we derive cold comfort from a party bag of Skittles. Or buy a $3,000 puppy online at 2 AM.

 

It’s why a wise therapist (who I poo-pooed at the time) told me to “become addicted to something good like exercise or my children.” What he meant was, fill the void. Everybody’s got a void. Just be well aware of what you fill it with

 

Today I’m not drinking because I know the difference between want and need…

 

How come you’re not drinking?

 

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Comments (4)

  1. JESS KIMMEL
    Jan 23, 2017

    Loved this post!!

    • Marilyn
      Marilyn
      Jan 23, 2017

      I want. I want. I need. I NEED. Are you a What About Bob fan? Thanks – from you this means a lot.
      XXXOOO
      M

  2. Ainsobriety
    Jan 23, 2017

    How come you're not drinking?
    Life is too awesome to drink!
    Yes. I admit I am addicted to yoga. It completely encompasses my life. In a good way.

  3. abbie
    Jan 27, 2017

    I love that movie, & I too relate to poor Bob. A lesson I learned earlier in my recovery was the difference between wants & needs. God always gives me what I need; if I haven’t got something (right now), I must not need it (right now).
    Great post, as always. ☺

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