Boozy Barbie?

FAO Schwartz – a Rockets Barbie – A three wine lunch – I must be in NYC…

There has been a lot of negative press about Barbie’s proportions. If she were real, she’d apparently have to crawl on all fours like some exotic borzoi because her frame is too narrow, her feet too small and her breasts too enormous to allow upright mobility. She is considered a bad role model these days, for the 3 to 11 year old set she is designed to amuse: a desirable yet impossible female, physical objective.

I love the way she looks. I have a Barbie collection. This morning I was looking at all my Barbie Dolls and wondering what Barbie would be like as a person. Would she be non-confrontational and pliant like Kim Kardashian, or more plucky and verbose like Jenny McCarthy? Would she be a binge drinker? Or would she be one of those cheerful non-drinkers who extoll the wonders of sobriety.

I assure you I am not some Whatever Happened to Baby Jane, wack-job living vicariously through my dolls (although I did play with them well into my teens…). But I’m pretty sure Malibu Barbie would be a partier. And Vintage Lingerie Barbie would knock back Tom Collins while waiting for her next trick.

I don’t even want to go there with the psycho-sexual, Dream Bedroom Barbie. The Bob Mackey Barbie is on a swing. What adult gets on a swing without a few drinks? And the Bath Time Fun Ken – looks like the kind of guy who’d bring a beer (and a whole lot more) into the tub.

I think the Mattel people are laughing behind their hands…