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Blood Moon Tide

Blood Moon Tide

nicksbeach2

Guana Reserve Beach – the day before the blood moon…

 

Evie says this photo looks like half a heart. I didn’t see it until Ellie told me, and now it’s all I can see. It’s ironic I guess that when everyone else was anticipating the super-moon and looking up to the heavens, I was thinking of my beloved Guana beach – anticipating how the lunar phenomenon might affect the tides…

 

On Saturday and Sunday, the beach at Guana was eerie. Portentous clouds queued on the horizon; kept at bay with a stiff wind from the North. At the entrance, tourists crawled on the shrapnel strewn beach like survivors. Shark’s teeth were everywhere –  thick, fossilized remnants, as if the sea had deliberately churned up long buried evidence of life.

 

I was on the beach alone to reflect and pay tribute. I got an email from Nick, several days after his death: something written but not sent on the night he died. It was disorienting to see the message waiting in my inbox – as if a medium had conjured it from the beyond. I felt I owed it to him, and myself, to do as he asked, even though there is nothing left for me to teach him. The message was long, he promised he was not drinking. He was outside looking at the Canadian stars as he wrote:

 

and  a lunar eclipse…you will see it in the tides.  Look M…watch the tides and see if you see a change toward the end of Sept.  See M….our world…our passions…they do collide and they combine.  The tides and the skies….they dance with each other; one gives and one pulls, one leads and one follows but they always affect each other. This is why I like you M. This is why we are still connected. We will always be different , because we are supposed to be – we compliment each other. So try, please try for me, to get out and look to the skies and see some of these gorgeous events.  You watch the tides. They will be very different, stronger ….then teach me.

 

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O brave new world, That has such people in’t…

 

Today I’m not drinking because I don’t drink when I’m sad anymore…

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How come you’re not drinking?

Comments (16)

  1. Robert Arleigh White
    Sep 29, 2015

    My old half heart aches.

    • Marilyn
      Marilyn
      Sep 30, 2015

      You’ve got a big, WHOLE heart – thanks for all the support, Bob.
      XXXOOO
      M

  2. Dawn
    Sep 29, 2015

    Phenomenal!

  3. Kim
    Sep 29, 2015

    The tides were so high on Sunday that our dock was underwater most of the day. The sky was a white grey and wet like the tissue in my hand. I too thought of Nick throughout the day and prayed that the moon would shine brightly for Evie and Ellie that night. I know how profound your grief is, and for Evie and Ellie it is likely enveloping them. I hope you all can rest in the fact that the tides do eventually recede and order is restored . Yes, there are sticks and branches, soggy plants and bramble left behind, a reminder of what happened, but once you can walk out on the dock ( for example) the steps to restore order becomes more manageable.

    love and hugs

    • Marilyn
      Marilyn
      Sep 30, 2015

      It was the most amazing weekend at the beach – I have never seen it that way before and as you know, I go to Guana all the time. There was a feeling of oneness in all that grey – the sawgrass, the sea birds, the tide pools, the hot wind… I know the tides recede – I read the tides like a favorite old book, but wading along in that odd scrim of grey-blue made me feel close to all things – and all things gone…
      Love,
      Mare

  4. Rosalind
    Sep 29, 2015

    Marilyn, as a regular reader of WUTG, I loved seeing a post from Nick. He wrote beautiful, heartfelt words and it was clear that there was a connection between the two of you. I am sorry for your loss and my prayers go out to all who knew and cared for Nick. That unsent email was a gift from Nick to you, a reminder of how your words bring solace and hope to those who need it most.

  5. Eva
    Sep 29, 2015

    This touches my heart in such a unique way. He will be missed!

    I second that motion Marilyn … teach me.

    Eva

    • Marilyn
      Marilyn
      Sep 30, 2015

      The thing I love about this blog is the community and the exchange of ideas – I don’t feel like a teacher so much as someone in the “advanced class” – we learn from each other.
      XXXOOO
      M

  6. Richard
    Sep 29, 2015

    M. I can see now how/why you two connected. I am just ‘ out there ‘ enough to believe God has a hand in unread e-mails until the reader is ready. R

    • Marilyn
      Marilyn
      Sep 30, 2015

      It is an interesting phenomenon that emails and texts come in after death. Maybe you are right, because it was welcome to me to see the familiar email address in my inbox. Thanks and always great to hear from you.
      XXXOOO
      M

  7. Tamara
    Sep 30, 2015

    This was beautiful. I miss my friend. The irony is somewhat shocking, Nick was always so afraid people could tell you two connected in a deep level that he was overly cautious about commenting. One time he told me he was done commenting ( anyone who knew Nick would be laughing now) because you must have told him someone thought he had a crush on you. He wanted to remain neutral for your safety as a writer. To see his words right out there for all to see he liked you shows how much you cared about him too. You became his fast soul mate and no doubt for many reasons. Loyalty right to the end….teach me. All I see is heart. Evie called this one. By the way, he did have a crush on you! We all do.

    • Marilyn
      Marilyn
      Sep 30, 2015

      You are an incredible advocate – For Nick, for Ellie and Evie and for me. Thank you so much and love.
      Marilyn

  8. Liz W
    Sep 30, 2015

    I haven[t read your blog for several weeks. Just because sometimes I need a break from “seeking”.

    How interesting that I find you again now.

    I don’t know you. I don’t know Nick. But I feel (actually feel it physically) your pain. And if I feel it, it is also my pain.

    We really are all just one. It’s so simple that it’s easy to forget that simple truth.

    • Marilyn
      Marilyn
      Oct 1, 2015

      I’m just glad you did find me again. It is interesting, and I have always been fascinated with the concept of empathy. Feeling with someone is the ultimate human reaction, and there is no question (although I am sorry I made you hurt) that sharing an emotion helps. Thank you and welcome back.
      XXXOOO
      M

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