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There is no Place for Thin Skin in Recovery!

There is no Place for Thin Skin in Recovery!

There is no Place for Thin Skin in Recovery!

Have you ever had a person say something to you jokingly, and it’s kind of mean, but funny? And you let it slide like a boss, because you know how to laugh at yourself? But years later you still think about it every once in a while?

 

I remember a long time ago, I was wearing a black bathing suit with a ruffled bikini bottom, thinking I looked kind of French and edgy. My friend Val said (in a British accent which always makes it more cutting), “Oh, Mazza, you look like one of the dancing hippos in Fantasia.” I think of it every time I consider wearing something with a ruff…

 

Yesterday, someone told me I was “touchy” and that talking to me was like navigating verbal eggshells.  It’s been quite a week for pealing the onion of my behavior… I did what I always do in response to criticism. I took it in. “This is a first. No one has ever accused me of being thin skinned before,” I said.

 

The exchange above is a blip on the screen, but the fact is I AM NOT TOUCHY.

 

Pealing the Onion…

I do not think you can be thin skinned in recovery. We all face our past, in ways those who are not addicted to Toasted Head,  never have to do. We make fearless moral inventories and atone, for God’s sake.

 

I have been contacted by old lovers, nannies and the mothers of my children’s friends in the process of writing this blog.. Some of these long-lost reminiscers have told me straight-up, they “hated me” in my drinking days. Reminding me of previous slights and “the time I didn’t seem sad when their cat was run over by a town car…”

 

I have had internet trolls call me a “stupid cunt” in reference to my yearning prose. They tell me my writing is banal and my ideas the worse kind of tripe. I have braved Reddit. I swear to you, I carry my mistakes in my pocket like a doctor’s excuse…

 

And most days I just get up and go about my business like a pachyderm.

 

But I never, ever wear anything with ruffles…

 

 

Today I’m not drinking because I am analyzing my behavior (how many bloody layers does this onion have?)…

 

How come you’re not drinking?

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Comments (12)

  1. Kim
    Sep 3, 2016

    You have even braved some old photographs ( that I’m sure you wish had stayed buried) and have boldly shared many for the world to see! You are most definitely not thin skinned……more like Iron Man in Jimmy Choo’s

    • Tim S
      Sep 3, 2016

      I second that!

    • Marilyn
      Marilyn
      Sep 4, 2016

      Oh God the photos. I thought I was so hot. I had so much more confidence when I was drinking…
      Thanks my friend. You are just the best.
      Love,
      Mare

  2. Lionel Guerra
    Sep 3, 2016

    Good morning Marilyn,
    I have been reading your blog for quite awhile now and just want to let you know how much I appreciate your writings. Since I haven’t seen you since HS, I have been amazed at the path your life has taken and the steps you have taken to retake control. I especially am intrigued by the times you mention your HS years. Knowing you, although not that well, I have always thought you were one of the popular girls with the grand social life. After reading your blogs, it comforts me somewhat to find out that I wasn’t the only one with the same concerns and self doubt that I struggled with all through HS. We all say, “if I could go back knowing what I know now”. Hah!! If only that were possible………..
    As you might remember, I come from a rather large family. If there is one regret about that it’s that the one on one personal support wasn’t always there. With all of those kids in the house, it is quite understandable. We never had those “Father Knows Best” moments or “Donna Reed” chats to help work things out. I never felt comfortable unloading my deep fears, doubts or concerns with friends so it all remained bottled up.
    I have three young adults, the first was born when I was 39, so I was a late in life dad. My mission in life was to make sure my kids would always feel comfortable coming to me about anything. I think it worked since we have a great line of communication now. As always, time will tell. They are now in their mid to early 20’s so they have a lot of growing left to do. My son has a blog so I have forwarded yours to him to help him along in life. Thank you for the great reads and keep on writing!!

    • Marilyn
      Marilyn
      Sep 4, 2016

      Thank you. This blog and the internet has brought me together with so many people I went to school with. It’s great to catch up with you. Thanks and for me, high school was awful. Luckily I had some great friends and I have rekindled relationships with many of them. A great gift.
      XXXOOO
      M

  3. Annie Ope r
    Sep 3, 2016

    I think the hippos look really cute! Maybe it was a compliment. 🙂
    I can’t imagine that ever bothering you – you have a great body and you should know it!

    • Marilyn
      Marilyn
      Sep 4, 2016

      Some people should not wear ruffles. I think I might be one of them. Love you.
      XXXOOO
      M

  4. Marcia
    Sep 3, 2016

    How come you're not drinking?
    I want to deal with all of my life.
    Great post. I agree ‘thin skin’ and recovery are mutually exclusive. For me- being ‘touchy’ is a result of sober reflection on situations I would have ignored in my drinking days.
    Thanks for being tough enough to keep up your blog and recovery work despite the heinous insults. Social media is no place for sissies! I gotta say I love those hippos too- they have great moves:)

    • Marilyn
      Marilyn
      Sep 4, 2016

      Thanks. And after I read the post, I realized I was saying that not being touchy does not mean not feeling hurt. Sometimes I think am fair game. And I guess that comes with the territory. Sober reflection. Love that.
      XXXOOO
      M

  5. Kaye
    Sep 3, 2016

    Last week my mother told me my hair was aging me. I laughed and said I thought my age was aging me, but I’m 42 days in and a bit sensitive. Can’t stop thinking about my hair but I didn’t want to drink at her like I usually do when she’s mean to me!
    And yeah I’m over 50 so ……

    • Marilyn
      Marilyn
      Sep 4, 2016

      Very funny. It’s like you try to fix the hair but it’s really the face that is concerning…Congratulations. In the old days, a remark like that would have been an excuse to get drunk and blur the reflection a bit. You might have said something ill advised to your mother. Thanks for this and I wish you well with your sobriety – one of the things I have realized since I got sober, is that dealing with everything is a bit more real. Sharper and in focus and BETTER.
      XXXOOO
      M

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